When Hashem created the world He created it through the attribute of judgment, and logic. He then saw that the world couldn’t exist on the basis of logic alone and He joined mercy to the equation. Everything that happens in this world is a chance for us to emulate our creator. Whatever we learn, whatever is written in the Torah, is an opportunity for us to grow and do the same in similar situations. No, we do not expect to create the world or to shake heaven and earth. However, when we come to a difficult situation and we choose the right decision, that is creating a new moment; that is creating the right choice.
When we make our choices between judgment and mercy we need the wisdom to choose the right way. Last week I shared a situation regarding my son and his family that are living with me at the present moment. I expressed the challenges and the difficulties that I felt with his presence in my home and the decision that I made which I felt was correct to have mercy and not logic, and to understand that he is suffering himself and he’s in a difficult situation. As any parent would do for their child. They clearly would have mercy on their children. Just as we want mercy from Hashem on our issues. When a person makes a decision, and the correct choice, G-d then puts them to a test to see if it was just words that she was saying or if the person actually changed her ways.
I was about to invite guests over for Shabbat which I love to do, and my son asked me to please not invite anybody. He expressed that he’s having such a difficult time and they can’t have anybody in the house with them. He wanted to just be alone. This was once again a hard choice for me to make since I love guests so much and when my house is filled with lots of people I feel like I’m in the tent of our father Abraham. There was a long silence on the phone when he asked me, since I was just about to invite some people over. I heard beyond the words what my son was saying to me, I heard his pain. He was saying please help me. If a person was walking in the street and fell, I would be the first one to jump up and help them.
Physical pain we can see very clearly. I’m a paramedic assistant and I’m trained to see people in distress and jump up to help them right away. How trained are we to see spiritual pain, emotional pain, internal pain? I listened to the silence on the phone, to the pain beyond the word, as tears rolled from my eyes. It was hard for me to make the decision since I so badly wanted my home to be open to everyone and to bring people in. It’s one of the things I love to do more than anything. At that moment I said Hashem is testing me. He wants to know if we are going to be good to our children? We are His children, and G-d always asks us questions that have to do with children to see how we will act.
In the time of the prophets Hashem would constantly ask the prophets questions about the children of Israel, His children, to see how they would respond. All the books of the prophets are filled with examples of G-d asking to do a punishment upon His children and waiting to see how the prophet would protect them. We have so many holy books. The Torah Is filled with stories, not just so we should read them and enjoy the stories or hear some history. Our Torah books are filled with stories so that we can learn from them and we can do the same thing in our generation. Each one of us could protect our children. Once again it’s very easy to see physical protection. If somebody wants to harm our child, we right away protect them. However, if somebody wants to harm our child emotionally we don’t always see it. Sometimes our own child is harming himself and we can’t see the emotional pain.
There’s always something that we want from G-d. And Hashem wants something from us. When I heard my child in pain, emotional pain, I stood there for a moment in silence and I said what is it that Hashem wants me to do? To protect my son! I said to my son don’t worry, with tears coming down from my eyes, I will not invite anybody for Shabbat. Once again there was silence on the phone. My son said to me, you know why you’re such a good mother? Because your children come before everything else, I love you. I felt at that moment that I did the right thing. I felt that it was a moment that I repented for sins of my past. I thought that was a moment that I succeeded in pleasing Hashem in doing what was right to protect His children.
I know that He will help me in whatever I need. When I went to shul that Friday I was singing, I was so joyous, even though my home was only me and my son, my home was filled with angels, it was filled with the right thing, it was filled with mercy. I knew that G-d was sending me a message that I did the right thing. May we always have the strength to listen to our inner soul and to the ways of the Torah that teaches us exactly what needs to be done.