An Unhappy Place
Even though happiness is “the ultimate good at which all humans aim” (Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Book 1), the world has become a very unhappy place. One of the strange findings of contemporary economists is that vast increases in wealth and life expectancy in the 20th century do not seem to have impacted our happiness.
On the contrary, especially among the young, there has been a significant increase in depressive illness, suicide attempts, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and other symptoms of unhappiness. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks summarizes, “Materially, we have more than previous generations, but psychologically and spiritually, we seem to have lost our way.”
Even in the United States, whose Declaration of Independence highlights “the pursuit of happiness,” the latest U.S. General Social Survey data shows that people are more unhappy than ever.
Chazal address this issue in five ways.
Sameach B’Chelko
The first is by encouraging people be “sameach b’chelko,” happy with their lot (Avot 4:1).
Many measure what they have by comparing it to those around them. Having everything they need (and, objectively, much more than their ancestors) does not satisfy them. They are jealous of others who have more and they spend their lives desperately trying to catch up or compete. Since there is always someone who has something that they do not have, they are doomed to sadness and frustration.
Chazal encourage us to be sameach b’chelko. Rashi explains that the “o” in the word “chelko” refers to Hashem. We should be happy with what we have because we realize that it is the portion He has given us. Our lot is not determined randomly; Hashem decides what we need and arranges for us to have it. We should be satisfied with what we have because we know that it, and nothing else, is what we are meant to (and what we will ultimately) have.
The Ibn Ezra uses this idea to explain isur of lo tachmod (Shemot 20:14). How can the Torah prohibit desiring what others have? How can we be expected to control our emotions? The Ibn Ezra explains that people do not desire things not appropriate for them. If we recognize that what we do not have is not right for us, we do not desire it.
We express this recognition when we recite the berachah of She’asah Li Kol Tzarki. We bless and thank Hashem for having (already) created everything we need, the chelek that is right for us. Rav Elimelech Biderman explains that this is why the beracha was initially recited when putting on shoes (Berachot 60b). We should apply the feeling of slipping on a well-fitting shoe to our general portion. Our chelek needs to be like a shoe – it needs to be “our size” and fit us properly. Just as we have no use for a shoe that is larger than our foot, we should have no desire for a portion larger than the one right for us.
This may be part of why the Torah links its directives to celebrate the fruits of our harvest (when we bring Bikkurim (Devarim 26:11) and during Shavuot (16:10-11) and Sukkot (16:15)) to the fact that “Hashem has given them to us.” In addition to reminding us to thank Hashem, the linkage may also aim to explain why we should be so happy. We are happy not just because of the successful harvest but also (and more importantly) because we realize that what we have is what we are meant to have.
Gratitude
In addition to this realization, gratitude (for Hashem and in general) inspires happiness.
Robert Emmons, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, studied more than one thousand people from ages eight to eighty and found that people who practiced gratitude consistently reported many benefits. They had improved physical health and stronger immune systems. They exercised more frequently and had lower blood pressure. They even slept better and felt refreshed when they awoke. They were also happier and enjoyed life more.
People who recognize and appreciate what others do for them are happier because they realize that others care about them.
Our Future
The realization that Hashem cares for us makes us happy for another reason. It gives us good reason to believe that we will have what we need in the future. This is how the Sefat Emet (Sukkot 5645) explains why the holiday of Sukkot is called z’man simchateinu – the time of our happiness. Sitting in the sukkah reminds us of Hashem’s assistance to us. This brings us great simcha because we have real reason to believe that we will continue being successful in the future.
This is why the Simchat Beit HaShoeivah celebrates pouring out the last remaining water in the Shiloach spring (after the dry summer months). We are willing to pour out our last drops of water – and celebrate doing so – because we are confident that Hashem will bless us with more. Hashem providing us with mon each day in the desert taught us to rely on His Providence in a way that allows us to enjoy what we have each day without worrying about tomorrow (Mechilta, Vayisa 2).
“Ashrei ha’gever asher sam Hashem mivtacho!” (Tehillim 40:5).
Our Relationship and Purpose
The realization that Hashem cares about us should make us happy for an additional, more fundamental reason – because of what it indicates about our relationship with Hashem (in and of itself). The true significance of Hashem’s gifts lies in the implication that Hashem cares for us. This not only facilitates confidence about the future but, more importantly, reminds us that we and our lives matter.
Appreciating that Hashem determines what we have makes us happy with our lot; appreciating our relationship with Hashem and our role in His world makes us happy with our lives. True happiness is not achieved through pleasure and possessions or “having fun” but by feeling that we have meaning and purpose.
This is why those who value and pursue happiness rarely find it. As cultural critic Ruth Whippman concluded (based upon a psychological study at the University of California, Berkeley): “Paradoxically, the more people valued and were encouraged to value happiness as a separate life goal, the less happy they were.”
This is because we are created to seek meaning and purpose. As opposed to animals, who are programmed to sustain themselves (by eating) and their species (by reproduction), human beings (also) seek meaning. One of the primary expressions of our soul and creation in Hashem’s image is that we all feel that our lives should matter. When we think that they do not, we become depressed.
This is the message of Sefer Kohelet. Shlomo HaMelech had it all – money, possessions, wisdom, and power. Yet, he saw them all as meaningless. The only solution is the last perek, which ends with yirat shamayim and shemirat mitzvot. Without these, our lives are truly meaningless.
Happiness is not something we find when we search for it but a by-product of living life correctly. It is not a transient emotion or a destination to be pursued but a state of being. The more we sync our lives with our core values, the more happiness finds us. The moment we detach ourselves from living life and begin to search for happiness as an end in and of itself, the more it evades us.
Happiness is a natural result of living life the way it should be – of being the people we ought to be, following the “road map” provided by Torah and halacha. It cannot be a destination but is instead a result of the journey of an inspired life process.
Henry David Thoreau said it this way: “Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder.”
The “other things” we need to “turn our attention to” are what makes our lives meaningful, the world’s purpose: Avodat Hashem and Kevod Shamayim. When our life is about ourselves, we feel like it does not matter. When it is about what we and the world were created for, we are happy because we feel like we matter – we live up to what we were designed for and programmed to accomplish.
This is why Nach (especially Tehillim) links happiness to acquiring wisdom (Melachim I 10:8, Mishlei 3:13, 8:34), to living life correctly (Yeshayah 56:2, Tehillim 1:1, 32:1, 106:3), and especially to relying on Hashem and forging a meaningful relationship with Him (Yeshayah 30:18, Tehillim 2:12, 33:12, 34:9, 40:5, 65:5. 84:5-6,13,16, 94:12, 102:1, 109:1-2, 128:1, 144:15, 146:5, Iyov 5:17).
“Halleluyah ashrei ish yareh et Hashem, b’mitzvotav chafetz me’od” (Tehillim 112:1).
The Bigger Picture
On a deeper level, we should appreciate and celebrate the fact that when we live our lives correctly, we make Hashem happy. It is not our success and happiness that matter, but Hashem’s happiness with us.
Ideally, our appreciation of Hashem’s blessings and His care for and relationship with us should help us transcend ourselves and identify with Hashem’s interests in our world.
“Ashrei mi she’gadeil baTorah v’amalo baTorah, v’oseh nachat ruach l’yotzro” (Berachot 16a).
May we be satisfied with our lot because we realize that it comes from Hashem, who determines what we truly need.
May the realization that what we have are Hashem’s blessings give us confidence for the future and remind us of our special relationship with Him.
May realizing this inspire us to achieve true happiness for ourselves and Hashem by living as He intends.
*Written by Joshua Pomerantz.
