But here’s where I differ with you and challenge your argument for leaving your faith. What faith have you chosen that consists of only perfect people, physically, mentally and emotionally? What God would you follow that allows his followers only blessings in spite of their insolence and bad behavior, who condones murder, theft, impudence and insolence without consequence? What deity would you worship, who rewards destruction and death and punishes purity, goodness and loyalty? Judaism is the source from which all other religions stem, all of the copies trying to emulate what we, as Jews, have been blessed with.
In your search for god, you have forsaken your faith in Hashem, the one true G-d, Creator of All and, in your blindness, at what you determined were unanswered prayers, chose a path of anger and defensiveness.
It is not meant for us to understand G-d’s logic for His world, only to place our faith and trust in Him and know that all that transpire is for a valid reason. In weak and dark moments, some of us may question the reason behind misfortune, poor health, premature death and the like, and there is almost no person who hasn’t experienced some form of tragedy or misfortune in his or her lifetime. It is unfortunate that you were taught that those moments are precisely the time to strengthen one’s faith and to pray that what we are encountering will be short lived and that our Heavenly Father will help us to cope and persevere.
You have lost your way, dear friend, and in your blind search for answers not available to you and resolutions to your plight that you do not see, you are about to make the biggest mistake of all.
Do not abandon your G-d or your people. I can assure you with every certainty that Hashem has never abandoned you; in fact, He waits for you to return to Him. We are a people who have suffered much in the course of history, yet we have remained strong and loyal in our faith and trust in Hashem….and He has always lifted us up.
I will not preach to you, that is not my area of expertise and possibly, I have not made a valid or convincing argument in response to your plight, therefore, I would suggest strongly that you speak with a rabbi who is far more qualified than I to answer your many questions and assuage your anger.
In addition, a cleft pallet is a condition that can be surgically corrected with great success so that your quality of life can be vastly improved. Why you were born this way and the reason for your parents’ indifference to your plight growing up are issues I can’t address. However, leaving your faith is, in my estimation, certainly not the answer. In fact, it will lead to greater confusion, self-doubt and frustration.
Please reconsider your options, and if you need the name of a rabbi to navigate your way back home, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. I genuinely care.