Dear Dating Coach,
I am an older single who has been living “in town” for a number of years. Everyone seems to believe that living in the tri-state area will give me an advantage in shidduchim. I do go out on dates fairly often, but so far have not found my bashert. I am desperate for a change. I want to move to an out-of-town community but have gotten a lot of push-back from others who think it is a mistake. I understand where they are coming from but still want to move. Any advice?
We went on a family outing to a place that came highly recommended. We had a wonderful time. The sun was shining, the activities were great, and everyone was smiling. Best day ever. Can’t wait to go back. Then someone dropped an ice cream cone. (Note; the five second rule does NOT apply to ice cream). Then we sat in traffic on the way home for two hours. (Traffic is not fun.) Then someone vomited in the car. (Vomit is even less fun than traffic.) Then, I managed to fall in the car when it was parked and ended up with five stitches. (I know, my talent knows no bounds.) Worst day ever. Never going back.
Thank you for reaching out. You are a single determined to do the right thing. You want to get married and you were willing to move to an “in-town” community to better your chances of meeting other singles. While you have had success in getting dates, you have not yet found the right person for you and now you want to move. You wrote, “I am desperate for a change.” But your family is worried that you are sabotaging your shidduch process.
It is certainly true that a place that offers more options and possibilities in dating is a valuable gift. We can always argue that we only need that “one” right person, but we still need to be offered the opportunities to meet that special guy. Living in a place that is highly conducive to meeting new people and dating is definitely important.
That being said, your emotional well-being, and your mental health matter more. You need a change of scenery, a change of pace, and maybe even a change of the dating you have been doing. Hashem runs the world and of course can deliver your bashert to you anywhere. Give yourself the gift of a year to reevaluate in a new place. Do your best to make new connections and attend social events in your new setting and encourage your new friends to think of you with any suggestions they might have. If you feel rejuvenated and successful in your new city, then you can always stay, and if you don’t, or see that dating is not a priority in your new location, you can always go back. A joyful person attracts others and perhaps this change will be exactly what you need to find your right match.