Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Dear Dr. Yael,

As an “older single” at a mere twenty-six years of age, I have dated quite a bit. Among the things my parents and other have said to me is that I don’t give things a chance. I often hear, “Why can’t you go out on one date? Just give it a chance.  It is one night of your life.  It is a free dinner. Door-to-door service.” It all sounds nice and logical, and I do feel that maybe I am being irrational. However, after years of dating, with a busy career, a close-knit family, and many friends, I find a few hours on a blind date too emotionally draining. I know it sounds ridiculous to anyone who isn’t going through this right now, but I find getting dressed up (I think it is important to always look my best on a date) and then having to be in the spotlight for a few hours while I once again play “meet someone new” exhausting!   After sharing my thoughts with like-minded singles, friends, and even men at a speed-dating event, I know that we all feel the same way.


And then an idea popped into my head! Wouldn’t it be so convenient to casually meet a guy for coffee in a place near my office?! No free dinners, no door-to-door service, no big planning, no pressure!  A quick, casual coffee date near my office, who would say no to that?  I began spreading the word just to hear feedback. I was met with an overwhelming positive response from boys, girls, and shadchanim. One young European man I spoke with said he felt going out to dinner was more appropriate, but everyone else loved the idea!

After multiple requests, I have decided to reach out to you, Dr. Yael, to endorse this idea which is being promoted by professional married women who are volunteering their time. They are creating a database of people who are interested in participating.

Dating while working is hard enough, but with this new innovative dating idea we hope to encourage frum working singles to be able to keep dating. People just need to email [email protected]. A questionnaire is sent for them to fill out, and then they are entered into a database of hundreds of singles who work in the Midtown Manhattan area.   We have professional shadchanim reviewing the database and setting up many dates.

The more people meet and date, the more shidduchim will result. And there is no charge for this service.

We hope you will join us in spreading the word.

Looking forward
Your justforcoffeenyc team!


Dear Your justforcoffeenyc team,

This idea sounds amazing! I know that so much has changed in the shidduch world, and some of it has made dating much harder. Yes, there are singles events, but everything is more pressured than it used to be. I think your idea will allow singles to meet in a non-pressured manner, which, as you said, will lead to more shidduchim.

I know you will meet with some resistance. However, how many amazing organizations came from people who were faced with different challenges?

Dor Yesharim was started by someone who lost a few children to genetic diseases. Baruch Hashem, this one person has literally changed Klal Yisroel and today it is quite rare that children are born with diseases that were once primarily genetically-transmitted by Ashkenaz couples.

ATIME was started by people who struggled with infertility and has successfully helped so many people have children.

Years ago my own grandfather started Bais Yaakov of Haifa so my mother and her sister would have a frum school to go to.

Your motivation in this idea is admirable and I wish you much hatzlacha.


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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to [email protected]. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at