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Dear Dr. Yael,

I married a divorced man who grew apart from his wife after 25 years of marriage. His ex-wife is now remarried. He is not a warm person. He has a superior attitude to me, and he has the middah to envy others. He can act out in front of other people, which ultimately embarrasses him. I yearn to make this marriage work. I think he deep down has a good heart.




Dear Anonymous,

I have minimal information, but I will try to answer your question. People are generally a product of their childhoods. Perhaps your husband did not get enough warmth and love in his formative years from his parents. Parents don’t realize how much impact they have on their children’s lives. I treat people of all ages, but this reality often comes to the fore. Often you encounter people who seem to be able to deal with great challenges. This is likely a testament to their parents. There are also those people who in spite of very challenging childhoods create amazing lives and are incredible parents. Those people are working on themselves tremendously so that they can be the best possible version of themselves. These types of people choose to work hard to create a different life than they had in their formative years.

I do not know what kind of childhood your husband had, however, if you want to make this marriage work, you must try to focus on his positive qualities instead of his negative issues. I know this is easier said than done.

I will try to give you some general tips as I do not have enough information to reply to specifics. Answer a negative with a positive. Negative people are left speechless when you respond to their negativity with positive energy. Envy is a middah people feel when they are not happy with themselves and they feel very insecure. Perhaps if you build your husband up, he will be less envious and be the best version of himself. Make an effort to be positive with your husband. Look to praise and compliment him. This can ultimately be a win-win situation. It would be prudent to seek professional help as this is a deep and complicated matter that cannot be dealt with in an advice column. Hatzlacha!


Dear Readers. I hope you all had an enjoyable Pesach. Baruch Hashem, I have enjoyed going to hotel programs for Pesach as a speaker for over 25 years. This year was my first time with a new program. The program was run by Avrumi Flam and Dovi Wachsler. It was exceptional. The program was packed with amazing activities, speakers and entertainers, and the food as well as the presentation were outstanding. The service was also excellent. The staff created a warm atmosphere with a chat that unified all the guests. I truly enjoyed being a speaker at this program.

The hotel program also made sure to add some nice touches. Guests all received complimentary sweatshirts and each table had a lucite personalized family name plaque. There were singers in the dining room and music and singing after the shows as well as late night kumzitz. Viennese late night buffets were unbelievable and the 24-hour tea room really hit the spot when needed.

Thank you so much Avrumi Flam and Dovi Wachsler for a truly enjoyable Yom Tov! The guests left so happy and I am sure that everyone will highly recommend this program for next year!

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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to [email protected]. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at