Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Dear Dating Coach,

I have been dating for a couple of years now. I have been teaching in a local elementary school at the same time, and while I have always enjoyed it, I have been strongly considering nursing school. I’m worried though that I will start school and then meet the right guy, and suddenly I’ll be in school when I can potentially be starting a family. At this point in dating, I am not sure when someone great will come along and I don’t want my personal plans to get in the way. Should I pursue this new goal or shelve it?


Differed by Dating


Dear Differed,

My family of budding outdoorsmen recently went kayaking. Yes, we are an impressive bunch with real knowledge of flora and fauna. We traversed that expansive lake with ease, basking in the sunlight and peaceful lapping of the waves. Ok, maybe we don’t know a flora from a fauna, and maybe we rowed and oared into the reeds. Perhaps we slipped off the kayaks and disturbed the terrified water-life below, and it’s possible the basking was actually very, very loud laughing. I do know one valuable kayaking lesson however; if you don’t use your oars, you will never get to where you need to go.

Thank you for your letter. You have been cruising along for a while, happy with your work and patient in your dating journey. A new dream interests you, but you are hesitant to pursue a degree in nursing at this point, unsure of what life will offer you as far as marriage and a family. Without a timeline offered, you simply don’t know when you might meet your bashert and want to be ready to easily adapt to a life where two and hopefully more need to be considered.


Move It…

It would certainly be helpful if we had a clear picture of exactly when we might meet the person we will marry. A marking on a calendar would allow us to schedule our lives just so – with time to accomplish personal goals while maintaining a clear path for someone new. Instead, we are left to navigate the uncertainty that dating often brings. This encourages some to live with abandon, with little regard for their future or potential dates. This can also lead others to stagnate their lives; firmly in neutral, at the parking lot of the marriage gate.


OAR Lose It!

Perhaps there is a happy medium. One, where you pursue your dreams with the reassurance that achieving personal goals not only increases your happiness and level of success, but makes you more attractive to possible matches. People gravitate to those who are excited to grow and who feel fulfilled in their everyday lives. As we don’t know what life will bring, we have to constantly move forward. If you are so blessed with the need to figure out the logistics of your schooling and a family, you will face that hurdle with joy. This of course, while maintaining the foresight that you are still firmly dating and will do everything you can to meet the person with whom you can create a promising future. Pick up your paddle and know that only complacency not growth will hinder your future.

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Henni Halberstam is a Dating and Marriage Coach whose expert advice will help you navigate dating and relationships in order to ensure a successful marriage. You can contact her at [email protected] to schedule a phone session.