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To help this family, I aimed to reduce their use of external control. They needed to stop insulting one another and instead treat each other with respect. David was a “controller,” and the results, on an emotional level, were disastrous.

The lesson for marriage is that if we expect to be treated in a fair and loving manner, we need to be careful how we exercise control in our closest relationships. We also need to become sensitive to our spouse’s needs, and first and foremost, develop an attitude of respect for one another.

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Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, treating Anxiety and Depression, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Brooklyn. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com, email rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com or call 646-428-4723.