Today there are those (especially adolescents; Joseph was 17 when he was in the house of Potiphar) who undergo confusion over same-gender attraction. As we know, while from a legal perspective the act is prohibited, the question remains what to say to these individuals?
As explained in “Curing Internet Addiction with Torah Novelties” the answer is not abstinence or 12-step programs. Even according to Carl Jung (as quoted there) abstinence is not the way to resolve an addiction. What then do we suggest?
Conceptually, there is little difference between a male gazing at himself in the mirror and same-gender attraction. While the level of prohibition is indeed different – the former is mentioned in Jewish law (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, 171:3), whereas the latter is an explicit prohibition in the Torah (Leviticus 18:22 and 18:3 according to commentaries) – both represent a preoccupation with revealing the light of one’s countenance.
In Chassidut, a healthy marriage also reflects like a mirror. But instead of seeing oneself on the other end, the proper reflection is to see one’s wife (or husband). But society today places many pits in the way. Unfortunately, the most sensitive to the presence of these pits are Joseph personalities; highly sensitive and creative people who have great potential to light up the world. Because of this sensitivity, though, they mistake the attraction to the light coming from the reflection of their own image as an indication that they are attracted to the same-gender.
The way to correct this is to begin transforming the “I am Pharaoh,” the self-awareness that leads one to see their own light-filled reflection, to a selfless focus on revelation the light of Divine revelation. To transform the “I am Pharaoh” to the revelation of Divine essence.
Once Joseph was also concerned with his self-image, as Rashi writes “He behaved childishly, fixing his hair and touching up his eyes so that he would appear handsome.” (Genesis 37:2). But the lesson for us in our generation is that even though we may begin seeing our own image through selfies or same-gender attraction, the potential, like Joseph, is to learn how to shift this light outward to benefit the world.
Role of a Chassidic Counselor
Let’s go back to the topic of mental disorder and confusion that we began with. Ideally the nullification that we are speaking about shouldn’t be up to the youth. Instead the task of a perceptive Chassidic counselor, following the method of the Ba’al Shem Tov, is to know when to lower someone’s ego and when not do. But when a patient comes to the counselor already down and depressed, the only option is to lift this person up. Aside from indicating a role-reversal, whereby the patient is effectively self-counseling themselves (as proper nullification is the hallmark of a healthy way of life), left to their own devices, the patient could easily go too far in nullifying themselves.
While the extreme case is the attempt to nullify one’s life entirely, what we call suicide (God forbid), the Chassidic counselor lowers the ego only in order to reveal the Divine soul, which in turn leads to greater inner joy and happiness.
In addition to the concern of suicide, the other concern about self-nullifying patients is that it will result in a confusion between lights and vessels; that could (God forbid) also lead to a confusion over gender, the role reversal between lights and vessels.
A woman is someone who receives, but a male who works too hard to become a vessel could go too far and become confused. The role of a Chassidic counselor is essentially the same regardless of the manifestation. Whether the problem originates from self-awareness or self-nullifying patients, the common word between the two is “self.” But again, the intention is not that people who post selfies or sense same-gender attraction are more self-absorbed than others. Instead, the message is that they are simply more sensitive to their own light, like Joseph was as a lad. These are sensitive souls that simply need to be instructed how to properly direct their light outside.
