web analytics
October 25, 2014 / 1 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 9/29/06

By:

Chronicles-logo

Dear Rachel,

I find your advice smart and insightful, and I hope you can help me as well. My wife and I took a much needed get-away. Our five beautiful children went to sleep-away camp, so I suggested that we spend some time away together.

Don’t even ask! I didn’t recognize my wife. She looks like a shmatte. I don’t know what happened to her. At this stage of the game, I am not asking for a super model, but she totally ignores herself! I told her numerous times lovingly to take care of herself, and that approach isn’t working. I’m at my wit’s end.

She used to take such good care of herself, but somehow along the way, she stopped. As for me, I work in an office with very sophisticated girls. They dress to kill – from sheitels down to shoes.

I know she works hard and has issues. So do I, and so does this whole world. That’s no excuse for total neglect. I can’t stand the fact that she has become extremely obese. She has a closet full of clothes that don’t fit. I constantly tell her to buy new clothes and she just refuses, saying that one day she’ll fit into them. Baloney!

I hate to say this, but I’m embarrassed to be seen with her, especially when she is among my friends. To be quite frank, I never realized how turned off I am of her. At home she somehow looks the same every day, with her robe and snood and the kids always around her. So after a long day at work I never realized how neglected she became. Since this trip when we were together and I saw her daily wearing the same attire, I can’t stand to look at her or be with her in every possible way.

I love fancy women. I love women who wear make-up, long sheitels, who exercise and take care of their bodies, and my wife knows that. Every man wants a good-looking woman. You can deny it if you want, but men want someone who, when she walks on the street, other men should say “wow.” That’s in every man’s heart. (I’m sharing with the world what men really crave.) Ask any man who is totally truthful, and they’ll say that I’m right.

As for me, we have a membership in the gym and I go there all the time. Unfortunately, only I do.

I’m not joking. My wife turns me off, and that’s not good at all! How can I help her?

A disappointed husband

Dear Disappointed,

Allow yourself a pat on the back for thinking enough of your wife to spirit her off on a mini vacation while your “five beautiful children” were away at summer camp. But don’t overplay the self-praise.

Do you suppose your wife (the mother of your five beautiful children) has had any hand in shaping their delicate personas in molding their fine character traits in consistently ensuring their physical and emotional wellbeing – thus rendering them “beautiful” children?

Do you imagine in all your wild fantasies that the “fancy” woman who turns your head would manage to retain her picture-perfect facade while filling the demanding role of wife, mother and homemaker to you and your brood? (Dream on.)

So your wife, by your own admission, escaped your notice until recently. Until you had the opportunity to place her in a setting where you could compare her – like a slab of meat – to the wives of your friends, whom the Torah explicitly forbids you to focus on. Apparently, you have been taking your wife’s presence (and chores) for granted – not very conducive to motivating her to want to please you.

“She works hard and has issues,” you say. Are these issues in the process of being resolved? Have you made yourself available to her in every way to help her overcome these issues?

“She works hard” – while you revel in daydreams and in your daytime superficial surroundings. Your big-heartedness in urging your wife to purchase new clothing is admirable. Have you dispensed equal generosity in your quest to ease her workload, by hiring household help to give her a respite and by spending as much time as you can in being her helpmate, both in a physical and emotional sense?

You lament that your wife refuses to update her wardrobe. Has it dawned on you that she may be none too pleased with the extra weight she has amassed and would rather not “enhance” the image she projects? You should be encouraged by her aspiration to fit into the clothes she once wore – once, when she still caught the eye and admiration of her spouse – and oh, how good it made her feel about herself and her ability to please him!

Ideally, with time and the sharing of life experiences, initial attraction (at the start of a relationship) turns to true love and appreciation. A woman immersed in the caring and nurturing of her dependent young ones is susceptible to “forgetting” to pay attention to herself. By neglecting to maintain an attractive appearance for her husband, she runs the risk of having him drift away, mentally (if not physically as well). The resultant anger and feeling of emptiness on her part can lead to the overindulgence of sweet-tasting foods for comfort.

A husband is duty-bound to work on himself to remain loving, supportive and attentive to his wife – while a woman needs to find a balance between being a devoted mom, having expectations that her husband will be totally understanding and patient, and with being able to give him some emotional attention.

Surely you recall that electrifying time when you embarked on your life together, when you were there for one another mentally and emotionally. To retain that positive energy and attain a lasting fulfillment, a husband and wife must constantly strive to be number one for each other – for always.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 9/29/06”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Do you know where your vegetables grow?
Not So Kosher Shemittah L’Mehadrin
Latest Sections Stories
Nimchinsky-102414-Flag

This past summer was a powerful one for the Jewish people. I will always remember where I was on June 12th when I found out that Gilad, Eyal and Naftali were kidnapped. I will always remember the look on my sister’s face on June 30th when she told me that they were found. I will […]

Schonfeld-logo1

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

Kupfer-102414

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Michal had never been away from home. And now, she was going so far away, for so long – an entire year!

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-36/2006/09/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: