As the couple ascends to the third floor, Brindy says “Wow! This place is incredible, feel this carpet.” Just then, the bellhop taps Yossi on the shoulder: “Buddy I have been looking all over for you. You left your baggage in the lobby, in fact I am sorry to inform you that your bags have opened up. You now have clothes on the first, second and third floors.
“This is all your fault!” Yossi says, “This would never have happened if you had listened to me. You’re just like my father, he also never listened to me.” “Well, you are just like my mother!” Brindy says, “Never talking, just yelling at me! Nothing I ever did was good enough for her, I thought it would be fun to explore new things, but you’re as rigid as my father, always critical, angry and blaming everyone except himself!”
As they both are having an emotional flashback from their childhood Brindy at this point starts to cry, “I want to go home!” Yossi stops and reflects then says, “What’s happening to us? Just a few minutes ago, we were so happy! You know Brindy, the manager was right, we are home!” As you start to feel love and begin to start your ‘new home,’ you may encounter an emotional flashback. This is emotional baggage that you thought you left in your parents’ home, but it followed you to your new home. Couples may start fighting and not know why. Using the T.E.A.M. approach, couples begin to understand why they are fighting and that it may not be their fault. If each understands the other’s emotional baggage, only then can they feel safe to give each other the love that they need.
T.E.A.M. is endorsed by many prominent Rabbanim, including Rav Pam, zt”l, Rav Belsky, Rav Dovid Goldwasser, Rav Herbst, Rav Mordechi Tendler, Rav Lehrfield, Rabbi Pikus and Rav Ralbag.
If there are any topics you would like me to discuss in my articles, or have any questions, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] or at 718-435-7388. You can also log on to CPCTEAM.org to download past articles and for more information about the T.E.A.M. approach.
MOISHE HERSKOWITZ, MS, LCSW, developed the T.E.A.M. (Torah Education & Awareness for a better Marriage) approach based on 20 successful years of counseling couples — helping them to communicate effectively and fully appreciate each other. As a licensed and highly certified social worker and renowned family therapist, he developed this breakthrough seminar to guide new couples through easy-to-accomplish steps towards a happy, healthy marriage. Moishe Herskowitz holds a certificate from the Brooklyn Institute for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis in couples and marriage therapy. He is an active member of the New York Counseling Association for marriage and family counseling.