web analytics
October 26, 2014 / 2 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Above And Beyond The Court System


Blended-Family-logo

When choosing your battles bear in mind: Immediate outcomes are far less important than the ultimate impact on the children. Does it really matter in the long run who gets Tuesday parenting time and who gets Thursday; who has more overnights and who gets more vacation time? Ultimately what matters most are that the children know their parents love them enough to “work things out” on their behalf. As the children get older they will decide whom to let into their lives and to what extent. Take a moment to reflect on how your current decisions will be viewed ten years down the line and how they will affect your relationship with your child. Would forcing your child to miss his best friend’s birthday party because that would mean sacrificing an afternoon of parenting time be beneficial to your relationship with that child, or would it ultimately be a stain on the relationship? Would being flexible regarding pick up times and drop off times really mess up your entire schedule, or is this something worth compromising on in order to keep the peace?

Obviously, if there were true reasons to believe that the children would be in danger, that is another story. However, what I have observed is that in most cases the fighting has more to do with a parent’s need to control the situation rather than protection of the minor children. Certainly if a parent is being kept from playing an active and positive role in his or her child’s life, often a third party needs to assist with mediation so that the children’s lives can be enriched by both parents. Having been on the roller coaster ride known as family court for years, due to many issues related to the custody of my children and stepchildren, I feel I have a different prospective – especially now that the ride has slowed and I can better reflect on the experience. My humble advice and my heartfelt appeal to all families going through the difficult turbulent transition of divorce and/or blending families is to try and focus on that original goal: shalom bayit.

Shalom bayit, a happy and peaceful home is not a lost dream; it can still be a legacy you pass along to your children – even if your marriage did not work out. You can give your children the priceless gift of living harmoniously – even if it is done in two separate homes.

Yehudit welcomes and encourages input and feedback on issues relating to the Blended Family and can be reached at blendedfamily@aol.com.

About the Author: Yehudit welcomes and encourages input and feedback on issues relating to the Blended Family and can be reached at blendedfamily@aol.com


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Above And Beyond The Court System”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Broken headstones and monuments in the Mount of Olives cemetery.
Arabs Desecrate Mount of Olives Cemetery Again
Latest Sections Stories
Nimchinsky-102414-Flag

Over the course of the next couple of weeks we were planning our daily schedule by the minute. At any second we would have to change our plans. It was understood by everyone on the bus that this was not the normal agenda for the summer, but we still managed to have a ridiculous amount […]

Schonfeld-logo1

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

Kupfer-102414

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Michal had never been away from home. And now, she was going so far away, for so long – an entire year!

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

More Articles from Yehudit Levinson
Blended-Family-logo

Since I did not know much about divorce in those years, I just assumed that this was the “norm.” I learned later on how exceptional this family really was.

Blended-Family-logo

Although my ex-husband was unable to attend we still wanted to include his family members who lived here is Israel and were very happy that we choose to do so for our son’s sake.

This particular article has been on my computer for quite some time now – incomplete. What compelled me to complete it was my son’s 19th birthday. Born of my first marriage and raised solely by my husband and me for the past seventeen-plus years, my son has only a few memories of time spent with his biological father. My children have made me acutely aware of Parental Disconnect issues. I hope that sharing my thoughts on it will help save others from the pain and confusion we have had to work through.

Family court, visitation and child support are all unavoidable realities for divorced parents. One particular rule that would be wise to heed is that child support should be less about dollars and cents and more about dollar and “good” sense.

Journaling, putting your feelings down on paper, is a well known method of coping with difficult or traumatic experiences. In fact there have been studies done that seem to prove that people who “journal” live happier, healthier lives. In his book Writing to Heal, James Pennebaker, Professor and Chair of the Psychology Department at the University of Texas at Austin, explores this concept. He stresses that when we write about trauma, emotional upheavals or difficult issues we are struggling with, the “heart rates slow, blood pressure drops and immune systems strengthen.”

In all honesty, I really do feel blessed. Interestingly though only someone in a family situation like mine could possibly comprehend this particular “blessing,” and many would not consider it a blessing at all. You see I feel fortunate to have not one, but two wonderful women in my life – both of whom happen to be my mothers-in-law, one from my first marriage and one from my second.

Recently a popular Jewish weekly magazine featured a story depicting the life of a young boy whose parents were divorced. Each parent had re-married, establishing new families. Their shared custody of this son, and he spent substantial time with each of his parent’s new families. Giving a voice to the child of divorce was the intention of the story. It highlighted the distress children feel as well as the confusing messages they often receive from the adults in their lives.

When an opportunity for a fresh start is handed to us, when that new door opens, it is often viewed as a gift from Hashem. In most cases in order to completely realize it, we must fully embrace it. For people transitioning into marriage the second time around this is often the reality they face: a new opportunity seldom comes without a price, without us having to, in some way, compromise the life we were accustomed to. Seamlessly blending “pre re-marriage” life with “post re-marriage, new blended family” life is difficult at best and often times takes many years to sort its’ way out.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/above-and-beyond-the-court-system/2012/04/26/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: