In our quest to teach the valuable lesson of not rushing to misjudge and trying to be dan l’kaf zechus, oftentimes people will retell the popular and funny story about the man at the airport with the bag of chocolate chip cookies. You know the story: A hungry man purchases a bag of cookies at the airport and sits down to eat them. He is aghast when the woman sitting beside him reaches out her arm and begins to nonchalantly partake of the cookies for herself. He is shocked and speechless watching her take a cookie every time he does as well. He is dumbfounded on the brazen gall this stranger has in indulging in his purchase. When it came to the last cookie, he paused not knowing what to do, but the lady took charge and took the last cookie breaking it in half and giving him the other half. The man is disgusted by her rude and selfish behavior. It is only after he boards the plane and sit down getting settled that he astonishingly realizes that the bag he was eating out of actually belonged to the woman and not him! Well, I had my own version of this cookie story happen to me this past Shabbos.
It was a wintry Shabbos and I was battling one of those annoying colds that make your nose feel like a leaky faucet rather than a body appendage. I walked into shul and it was only a matter of seconds before I required a tissue. Typically, very table has its own tissue box, but for some reason it was scarce this Shabbos and only two tables had tissue boxes. I desperately needed a tissue and needed to retrieve one from the table in front of me. Careful as not to disturb the lady in front of me as she was davening Shemoneh Esrei, I delicately contorted my body to reach over and gently pull a tissue out of the box. Luckily, two came out simultaneously. I was taken aback when the lady made a slight huffing noise; I guess I wasn’t being so subtle and disturbed her. A few minutes later, I needed another tissue and made sure to be even more discreet this time; although at this point she wasn’t davening Shemoneh Esrei anymore and was waiting to hear the Rav’s drasha. I delicately extended my arm and pulled a string of tissues from the box. This time, once again, she made a huffing noise, but even louder. She looked annoyed, even upset. A few seconds later, she abruptly got up, took the tissue box in hand and relocated it to a top shelf far away from her table.
“What chutzpah?!” I thought to myself. I felt like a child being punished for taking a cookie out of the cookie jar. I know we are short on tissues, but who is she to take it away from the table. I only took like five tissues, sheesh! Does she think she owns the shul’s tissues? A few minutes later, I noticed another lady from another table reaching over to pull a tissue out of a box, again this lady seemed annoyed and made a grunting noise. After a few moments, she once again got up and this time took the remainder of the shul’s tissue box and put it also on the same top shelf. Now the ladies section had no tissue boxes all because this woman has some weird compulsion, some weird control issues with being in charge of the tissue boxes. I needed a tissue and I was getting progressively annoyed at her. I tried to forget the incident and get back into my davening. I noticed the lady getting up and going upstairs to the women’s bathroom. I tried to forget the trivial incident, but I was stewing in it. Why is she so obsessed with these tissues? Who does she think she is to decide who can and cannot take tissues?
All of a sudden the lady came over to me with some tissues she retrieved from the women’s bathroom. She was holding a few loose tissues and asked if I needed them. I couldn’t help myself and asked, “Is there a problem with the shul’s tissues?” with a snarky tone in my voice. “Yes,” very matter of factly. “They are clinging to each other making every person who pulls one out transgress several Lamed Tes Melachos such as koraya (tearing), mechatech (measuring), and or makeh b’ patish (finishing touches). I couldn’t just sit there and watch lady after lady committing averios right in front of me.
I was stunned. I was stunned for two reasons. Number one: how could I have been so quick to judge her when she was actually doing a good thing? Why did my mind immediately assume she was wrong and race to negativity. Why couldn’t I give her the benefit of the doubt? Also, I am currently learning with another lady in this shul from the book Learn Shabbos in Just 3 Minutes a Day by Rabbi Daniel Braude. We have been going over hilchos Shabbos nightly. Clearly, I have not been absorbing the information as I should have known pulling out all multiple tissues was an issur. Perhaps I needed a refresher in my lessons and perhaps I should also be picking up a book on lashon hara and being dan l’kaf zechus as well.
