Dear Dating Coach,
I dated a really nice guy for a while but we weren’t right for each other. A few weeks later, a friend of mine called me to ask about him because he was suggested for her. I couldn’t see them together. I told her so. She listened and said she wouldn’t pursue it after speaking to me. Now a few days have passed, and I have started to feel guilty. I still don’t see them together. Not sure, however, if my opinion alone should decide their fate. Did I make a mistake?
Dating Forecast
Dear Forecast,
Florida has very unpredictable weather. Here, a meteorologist can predict sunny skies only to leave the newsroom to pouring rain without repercussion. Rain can turn to sunshine on a dime, and clouds can reveal bright blue skies. You can drive on the highway unable to see through your overworked window wipers, only to have the shining sun greet you by the next exit. During hurricane season, meteorologist use “spaghetti models” squiggly lines, to predict the paths of storms. The lines range from straight, to crooked, across, twisted, upside down, all around, inside out, until they do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around. All we know for sure, is that weather predictions are merely suggestions not to be taken seriously. It might rain. It might be sunny. It might be both at the same time. One thing is for certain. There will be weather.
Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate your crisis of conscience, and your willingness to listen. You went out with someone and knew he wasn’t right for you. When your friend reached out, you felt he was not right for her as well, and told her so, encouraging her to leave the suggestion alone. Now you are concerned that you may have made a mistake.
Rainy…
I often wonder why friends, family, and others, feel the need to offer their unsolicited opinions when asked to describe someone that they are a reference for. Someone is calling you to ask about this person’s character, intelligence, background, and more. They are not asking you to predict the future, to see through your crystal ball, or to decide the fate of the person they are calling you about. They are simply calling you to describe the person that you know as best as you can. Then they can surmise if the person you described seems appropriate. Ultimately, we hope, allowing the daters to decide if they are a good match. Yet time after time, those called to describe someone they know, interject their own opinion as to the probability of the match making it to the chuppah. Since we are all not actuaries or fortune-tellers, I question why this is so.
Sunny…
Your conscience is on the money. I hope it is not too late for you to call your friend back to tell her that your opinion was unwarranted. Explain that you are not in a position to decide if a match is right, and would like to merely relay the information, you know to be true, leaving it up to them to make a decision. I believe we will successfully make many more matches by offering information that we are absolutely sure of without offering biased and inaccurate probabilities and predictions. Stick to what you can clearly see, and leave the forecast to Hashem.
