Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Dear Dating Coach,

I want to go home for Yom Tov but my friends are all telling me that I am making a big mistake. They are saying that there are a lot of opportunities for singles to meet, special events, and exposure in general over Sukkos near where I live. They think that going home to my parents in the Midwest is short-sighted and will impact my success in shidduchim. I have been dating for a couple of years and I really want to get married. I live in the tri-state area for work and easy access for dating but I miss my family. I want to go home and spend time with my parents, my siblings, and my nieces and nephews but I don’t want to be foolish just because I am homesick. What do you suggest?

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Missing Home

 

Dear Home,

We have a new member in our family. He is the strong silent type. He is tall, and thin, and some might say a bit of a chameleon. While we didn’t invite him into our family, he seems to be comfortable here. His name is Simcha and he is a snake. (Yes! A real snake! And obviously we named him!) Now though, we are desperate to re-home him. He is green, and slithery and has made our front bushes his lair. (Do snakes have a lair? It felt right…) We screamed when we met him for the first time (not with joy) and we have asked him repeatedly to go home. To his real home. With the other snakes. To Snakeville. Or Snaketown. Or wherever snakes live. He refused to listen to reason, and seemed to settle in. We ran like lunatics down our front path every morning (our neighbors are definitely concerned) and leave every single light on at night. Then, over the weekend, the snake sneakily (as they are prone to be) left to parts unknown. The snake it seems, decided to return home after all and we miss it a bit. (Nope, that’s not true. Not at all).

 

Listen to Dorothy

Thank you for your letter. Your commitment to dating is impressive and important. You live in an area that simplifies travel for dating and you are willing to make choices that positively impact your dating options. But you miss your family. You want to go home. Your friends however, think that this is the wrong thing to do and you don’t want to make a mistake. It’s true that Sukkos in the tri-state area offers Yom Tov events that can increase the ways that you may meet someone. There are meals with new people, special events, and many visitors for Yom Tov.

 

There is No Place Like Home

Sure, it’s undoubtedly true that the tri-state area has a larger “dating scene” on Sukkos than your Midwest town. Perhaps you would meet someone at an event or at a Yom Tov meal. Or maybe you will meet someone in the airport traveling home, at the grocery store, or from a country a great distance from NYC. Regardless, you need to take yourself into account. You need your family now, their love, and the comfort and food from home. You need to spend time with family, and you need rest. This matters too. This matters more. Hashem runs the world in the tri-state area and in the Midwest. Go home, regroup, and come back refreshed and ready to date with enthusiasm and purpose.


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Henni Halberstam is a Dating and Marriage Coach whose expert advice will help you navigate dating and relationships in order to ensure a successful marriage. You can contact her at [email protected] to schedule a phone session.