Dear Dr. Yael,
I read this past week’s Jewish Press column (July 15th) and I feel for this young man. I had a similar experience. I was a young wife, with two young children and my husband became remarkably successful financially. He then became involved in the community, generously donating to various community causes. While I tried to be a loving mother and wife, I often felt very alone in raising our children. However, we lived in a beautiful home with full-time help.
One day he informed me that he wanted to divorce me. He gave me the house, generous alimony and child support. A few months after our divorce he married a younger, incredibly beautiful woman. I was heartbroken, but I had the support of my parents and his parents. I remarried a wonderful man who was widowed with children, and we joined our families and had children together. Baruch Hashem, we have a wonderful large family with amazing children. My children from my first husband have a poor relationship with him today and they love my current husband. They are married and the grandchildren regard my current husband as their Zeidy. My first husband divorced his second wife as well and I prefer not to share more details of this story in order to remain anonymous.
I am writing this letter to give this young man support. I clearly remember the feeling of deep despondency that I had when my first husband divorced me for no real reason. Hashem has his ways and Baruch Hashem my second husband is successful financially and truly loves me. Currently my first husband had to file bankruptcy and his life is a mess. He never had more children, and he is constantly reaching out to the two children that we had together.
Sometimes people feel when they are successful financially that they have power. They do not realize that it is Hashem’s money and if they do the right thing with their money, Hashem will help them. The most painful thing in that letter is that the young man’s parents supported his ex-wife. It appears that the power his ex-wife had was that she was more successful financially than he was, but there is no way to know what actually happened in their situation.
I appreciated your sage advice. This young man must find an ego-building therapist and get help to build his self-esteem, which will help him be successful at a job and successful in finding a new supportive, loving wife.
A Concerned Reader
Dear Concerned Reader,
Thank you very much for taking the time to write this letter in order to give support to this young man. Unfortunately, sometimes wealthy people see themselves as successful and may not always realize that it is Hashem who is helping them. However, there are many financially successful people who do realize that Hashem is granting them success and who use their money properly as well as appreciate their spouses and their children.
I think your life story will inspire others to believe that they can move forward in their lives, even if things are challenging. People are often afraid of their situations and feel stuck. A cheerful outlook can help people strive to create positive situations in their life. Upbeat people attract others and can help build healthy lives for themselves as well as for the people that they are with. It appears that you have a certain amount of inner strength that helped you rebuild your life and find a healthy relationship. It is not simple to be rejected and persevere in spite of this rejection. Perhaps you have some inner self confidence that has helped you in your life.
Thank you for your letter and your ideas. I hope others will gain chizuk from your letter and will help them realize that they too can rebuild. Hatzlacha!