Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Dear Dating Coach,

I am so tired of dating. I feel so worn down by this past year and I just don’t know where to turn. First there was a period of not dating at all of course, and now that I am dating again, I feel even more depressed when a date doesn’t work out. I was encouraged after this “dating break” that I was forced to take and now that things are almost back on track, I can’t believe I am still having the same bad luck. The people suggested for me are way off the mark, and the actual dates I do have are lackluster at best. My self-confidence is in the dumps and feel like I am stuck inside my head on this hamster wheel of dating with no end in sight. I just want to wave that white flag, because I’m done. Please help.

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Done Dating

 

Dear Done,

When I was young, we used to take long road trips for almost every holiday to be with our extended family. When I think back to those endless car rides, my memories are filled with books on tape (yes, old people, you feel me), hours of snacking, and the changing scenery along the highway. For my parents however, those trips are remembered differently. Prepare yourself. One word: vomiting. For the sake of our collective self-preservation and my obvious weak constitution, we won’t purge (sorry, couldn’t help it) on the details. Let’s just say it was brutal, and it was messy, and it was everywhere. My parents are the best. Truly.

 

When Life Gets You Down…

Dating can be very hard. You and many were compelled to take an extended dating break through Covid-19. Now that you are able to date again, you jumped in with enthusiasm, only to be reminded of your dissatisfying past experiences. You feel frustrated by the dates you’ve been on and hurt that the people suggested for you don’t promise a connection of any sort. You feel let down by the whole process, even more so than before Covid-19 and can’t seem to find the enthusiasm needed to continue through shidduchim.

Do You Wanna Know What You’ve Gotta Do…

I hear you and I know that you feel worn down. You are tired, and rightly so. You have been working toward a goal for a while now and still have not reached your destination. You see the twists and turns and a journey that has no end in sight. Breathe deeply and listen closely. Now is the time to refocus so that you don’t give up. You need to fight for joy and happiness with everything that you have. Start by being kind to yourself and by concentrating on self-care. Focus on eating right, exercising, and surrounding yourself with people who love and support you. Do things that bring you joy and then channel those feelings into the rest of your life.

 

Just Keep Swimming.

Enthusiasm and self-confidence are the most important aspects of dating and attracting others to us. Now is the time to direct those feelings with intent. Concentrate on building your self-confidence and that in turn will encourage enthusiasm and excitement. You can do this by reminding yourself of your strengths and gifts and by using them to help others. Offer yourself small indulgences that brighten your day, surround yourself with people that make you happy, and volunteer by helping others in need. These small changes will boost your self-confidence and enthusiasm in general, spilling over into your dating journey as well. Don’t give up. Fight back. Yes, the road has been bumpy, but your rightful destination is there, waiting for you to arrive.

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Henni Halberstam is a Dating and Marriage Coach whose expert advice will help you navigate dating and relationships in order to ensure a successful marriage. You can contact her at hennihalberstam@gmail.com to schedule a phone session.