Dear Dating Coach,
I am newly dating someone and it was going well. Until, he told me this week that he can’t see me for ten days because he will be away for yeshiva week. Last I checked, we were both passed yeshiva/high school and I think it is wrong to ask me to wait almost two weeks for a date. If we were close to getting engaged, I might have been ok with this, but we have only gone out a few times. Am I supposed to sit around and wait? I just find the whole thing to be a bit disrespectful and entitled. What do you think?
Single in Neutral
Our new neighbor has four dogs. The dogs are all tiny. But boy are they loud. We tried to meet our neighbor a few times, but every time we came close, the dogs barked so loudly it was impossible to speak above the noise. Not to be outdone by the fab four, we did our best to get past the gate.
Dressed in black, we approached under the cover of darkness and jumped the fence (PSA, this is also helpful if you would like to get arrested). The dogs erupted into a cacophony of angry barks and we set off their alarm. (#bestneighborsever!)
We made various non-threatening soothing noises (“here doggy doggy”) and casually made our approach with broad smiles. The dogs attacked and sent us running for our lives. Tiny toy dogs chased us halfway around the neighborhood where we barely escaped with our lives. (The clip may or may not be on YouTube.)
We knocked on the door and the barking began immediately. Our neighbor motioned for us to wait and then let her dogs out into her backyard. Then she met us out front where we had a nice conversation about our mutual love of dogs. (This might have been a slight exaggeration. Or not true. Whatever. Most importantly, we met her and it was lovely.)
You Gotta Chilli-Dog
Thank you for reaching out. You met someone new and have gone out a few times. You want to explore this further, but he surprised you by telling you that your dating would have to “pause” for yeshiva week. Not only are you both passed school and the “yeshiva week” concept, you also feel like it is presumptuous to expect you to simply wait for him for this extended period of time at this early stage of your dating.
Please forgive me, but this is unnecessary barking; just noise and ruckus that can be avoided. Sure, it is frustrating to be left on hold while he celebrates “yeshiva week,” and perhaps he could readjust to shorten the gap between your dates. At the same time, there is certainly a softer perspective waiting for you to accept. He loves his family and time spent with them. His younger siblings might look forward to this special time spent with him and he takes his relationships with them seriously. Perhaps he is going away with friends who are otherwise busy during the year.
Even if this trip is just for the sake of “fun,” it still holds merit. Here is a guy who appreciates life and the joy that it offers. This does not mean that he does not respect you. It does not mean he doesn’t value this relationship and its possibilities. He is not joining the Peace Corp – he is going away for ten days. Breathe. Be the person who says, “Have a wonderful time. I will look forward to our next date when you get back.” No barking please – even if it is just to your family and friends. Instead, use the time for yourself, to recharge and refocus so you can greet him with a smile when he returns.