Baruch Hashem time heals and incredible organizations such as Bonei Olam and A TIME help the process along with their wonderful resources. And I must say that our parents have been amazing in their support at what must be a most trying time for them as well.
I’d like to add that a man suffers too and my husband was hurt at the lack of acknowledgment from members of his own large extended family. People seem to be of the mistaken belief that such a crisis effects mainly the wife, while in actuality a man has the double burden of dealing with his wife’s fluctuating emotions and coping with his own pain and anguish at the same time.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to vent.
Surviving, one day at a time…
Dear Surviving,
Thank you for setting us straight. As you indicate, most people do mean well. Unfortunately, some fail to realize that it is their own emotions (in this case triggered by your tragedy) they are trying to deal with, and by psychologically transferring them to you, they do you no favors (to put it mildly).
To reiterate one of your points: There is no way that anyone who hasn’t walked in your shoes can possibly fathom what you have been through. The physical and emotional ordeal in suffering a miscarriage is devastating enough and yet cannot be likened to the torment of carrying and nurturing a viable life under one’s heart for a full nine months and losing it just when the buildup of a powerful bond between mother and unborn child is set to culminate in a state of indescribable joy and euphoria.
To caring friends and family who feel the need to help: The best thing you can do is undertake to keep this young wife/mother in your tefillos daily, to beseech Hashem to grant her a speedy recovery and healthy offspring. Yes, I did say “mother” — for though the neshama she carried to term was recalled (much too soon as we see it), she has earned her title and these parents will reunite with their lost offspring at the end of time when we will gain a new understanding of His ways.
