Mirroring Your Spouse’s Feelings

Posted on: February 14th, 2013

Mirroring is a good way to start actively listening. To mirror, you simply paraphrase or repeat back to your spouse what he or she is saying to you.

Mending Fences

Posted on: February 14th, 2013

The difficulty lies in how teenagers perceive their surroundings. They often see the world as revolving around them and cannot understand why parents are always asking them to do things.

The Burden Of Feeling Overwhelmed

Posted on: February 7th, 2013

Explain to them that you'll try to be there for them when they "need" your help, but that you may have to sometimes take a rain check when they simply "want" your help.

Children Giving Chizuk To Their Disabled Mom

Posted on: February 1st, 2013

Dear Dr. Respler: The letter from the husband lamenting his family’s difficulties brought on by his wife’s physical impairments (“For Better Or Worse – Or Bailing Out,” 1-11) brings back memories of my experience. I was the wife who one day found herself physically incapacitated and unable to do the simplest acts.

The Art Of Communication

Posted on: January 25th, 2013

David and his wife had been married for 15 years and believed they knew what each other really wanted. While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

A Grateful But Tired Grandmother

Posted on: January 24th, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael: I have, Baruch Hashem, a beautiful family with children and several grandchildren. I am fortunate to be close with all of them. I also work and take care of my parents, like many others in the “sandwich generation.” While I love my life, I am constantly exhausted and overworked.

Demanding Family Equity

Posted on: January 17th, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael: Your recent column on “The Wrongs Of Onas Devarim” (Dear Dr. Yael, 12-28-2012) was, for me, the worst column ever. Here’s why:

For Better Or Worse – Or Bailing Out

Posted on: January 10th, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael: A few years ago, our family went through a very traumatic period of time when my wife was diagnosed with a brain aneurism. She has suffered through so much pain and rehabilitation, and things have not returned to normal.

The Emotional GPS for Finding Your Beshert

Posted on: January 4th, 2013

Recently, there a number of articles dealing with the difficulties singles are having getting married have appeared in various publications. Unfortunately, many young people in their 20’s (and some even in their 30’s) are struggling to find their bashert.

The Wrongs Of Onas Devarim

Posted on: December 27th, 2012

Dear Dr. Yael: I am the oldest child in a family of seven; one of my sisters is a year younger than me. Even though we basically have the same responsibilities, somehow I always get stuck with all the household chores. My sister has a tendency to take her time, all the while doing one job. Honestly, sometimes it takes her three hours to do the dishes. She says it is because she is a “schlep.” She actually gets angry with her when I ask her to move quicker, saying that “I am not understanding of her feelings” and “she needs time.”

Technology: Important But Not Indispensable

Posted on: December 20th, 2012

Dear Dr. Yael: I am part of the “over 50” crowd and am having a really hard time with computers, cell phones and the rest of the modern-day technology. I work as a well-paid secretary, but am stuck in the same position with little room for advancement due to my poor computer skills. All the while I see all of my younger colleagues, with less experience, getting raises because they are more technologically advanced. Despite taking courses to improve in this area, I am finding it hard to succeed.

Individuality In Marriage

Posted on: December 20th, 2012

One of the most powerful dimensions of a successful marriage is a couple’s ability to keep focused on each other's good points and unique personality traits. Too often, people become fixated on the negative, sweating “over the small stuff," and forgetting the positive points that brought them together in the first place.

Lessons For Drivers

Posted on: December 6th, 2012

Dear Dr. Yael: I am a female driver dealing with challenges of derech eretz while driving in my community. Every time the light is about to turn green, the person behind me seems to immediately honk the horn, yet no one has a problem double-parking, making me feel as if I am driving on an obstacle course.

Self Esteem And Its Impact On Marriage

Posted on: December 6th, 2012

Self esteem is one of the most important factors influencing human behavior. Despite what some people believe, self esteem can be a critical issue in marriage, where unresolved identity issues from childhood can place unwanted stress on a relationship.

1

Easing The Trauma Of Divorce: A Reaction

Posted on: November 30th, 2012

Dear Dr. Yael: I am writing to you in regards to your article, “Easing The Trauma Of Divorce” (Dear Dr. Yael, 11-16). Now in my 30s, I am the product of a divorced home in which my parents made me, an only child, a pawn. Throughout my life the trauma and hatred I witnessed between my parents was unbearable. As a result, I am terrified to get married, despite the desire to do so in a normal and happy setting. I have gone for therapy, but this great fear is hard to overcome. I wonder if this feeling will ever leave me.

How To Feel Love

Posted on: November 22nd, 2012

Dear Dr. Yael: I have an issue and it is causing problems in my marriage. The home I grew up was not a warm one and I never received much love. For that reason, showing love to others is difficult for me – and for my husband. He is a warm and caring person and does not deserve my lack of affection. While I am working hard to change, I was wondering if you could offer some suggestions that might be helpful to both him and me. Anonymous

The Road Map To A Happy Marriage

Posted on: November 22nd, 2012

Creating direction in a marriage is similar to going on a long journey. To get to where you want to go, you need to have a plan that includes directions, supplies and the ability to navigate along the way. You will also have to be prepared for many possible factors that may interfere with your trip, including wind, rain, unpredictable mechanical breakdown and human error. Most importantly you will need a map to guide and help reorient you in case you lose your way.

Easing The Trauma Of Divorce

Posted on: November 15th, 2012

Dear Dr. Respler: I am currently involved in a yearlong custody battle over my three children, who are all under the age of 10. I did not want or provoke this situation. My wife – with limited success – continues to enlist the children over to her side in her declared war on me. I, [...]

What Were They Thinking?

Posted on: November 15th, 2012

Sometimes you just have to wonder, "What were they thinking?" My wife and I speak on marriage-related topics to variant crowds. We know what we're going to say, but we have no idea what the audience may offer. So, when we speak publicly, before we open the floor to comments or questions (which we welcome), we always preface with a cautionary word not to make any personal or disparaging remarks about one's spouse.

Marriage Compromises

Posted on: November 8th, 2012

Dear Dr. Yael: I am struggling in my marriage after just five years. I am, by nature, a very outgoing person. I love to go out with friends and have people over for Shabbos meals. My husband, on the other hand, is quieter and would rather be home and stick to our routine. This causes a great deal of friction; between work and the kids, I do not have much of a social life and always want to invite people over or go out with other couples.