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April 17, 2014 / 17 Nisan, 5774
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Marriage and Relationships
Respler-112312
 

How To Feel Love

Posted on: November 22nd, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael: I have an issue and it is causing problems in my marriage. The home I grew up was not a warm one and I never received much love. For that reason, showing love to others is difficult for me – and for my husband. He is a warm and caring person and does not deserve my lack of affection. While I am working hard to change, I was wondering if you could offer some suggestions that might be helpful to both him and me. Anonymous

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel
 

The Road Map To A Happy Marriage

Posted on: November 22nd, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Creating direction in a marriage is similar to going on a long journey. To get to where you want to go, you need to have a plan that includes directions, supplies and the ability to navigate along the way. You will also have to be prepared for many possible factors that may interfere with your trip, including wind, rain, unpredictable mechanical breakdown and human error. Most importantly you will need a map to guide and help reorient you in case you lose your way.

1
Respler-111612
 

Easing The Trauma Of Divorce

Posted on: November 15th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Respler: I am currently involved in a yearlong custody battle over my three children, who are all under the age of 10. I did not want or provoke this situation. My wife – with limited success – continues to enlist the children over to her side in her declared war on me. I, […]

Marriage-Relationship-logo
 

What Were They Thinking?

Posted on: November 15th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Sometimes you just have to wonder, "What were they thinking?" My wife and I speak on marriage-related topics to variant crowds. We know what we're going to say, but we have no idea what the audience may offer. So, when we speak publicly, before we open the floor to comments or questions (which we welcome), we always preface with a cautionary word not to make any personal or disparaging remarks about one's spouse.

3
Respler-110912
 

Marriage Compromises

Posted on: November 8th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael: I am struggling in my marriage after just five years. I am, by nature, a very outgoing person. I love to go out with friends and have people over for Shabbos meals. My husband, on the other hand, is quieter and would rather be home and stick to our routine. This causes a great deal of friction; between work and the kids, I do not have much of a social life and always want to invite people over or go out with other couples.

Abrahamson-110212
 

The Shidduch-Shy

Posted on: November 2nd, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” Thus begins Jane Austen’s classic marriage-themed novelwork of marriage, Pride and Prejudice.

Respler-110212
 

Keep Up The Good Work

Posted on: November 2nd, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael: I feel extremely guilty about my elderly father and am filled with anger toward my sisters and brothers in regards to his care.

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel
 

Investing In Your Relationship

Posted on: October 24th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

I often share with my clients a simple yet powerful analogy: think about your relationship as you do about your bank account. That’s because investing in your relationship is similar to saving money; the more you put into your bank account or relationship, the more you can take out when necessary.

Respler-101912
 

Shidduchim: Why Personality Compatibility Matters

Posted on: October 18th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Readers: Much of my private practice is devoted to helping couples in conflict resolve their differences. I have discovered over the years that personality compatibility is an essential component of a happy marriage. Many of the couples I see in therapy struggle with reconciling radically different modes of communicating and coping with life’s issues. As a result, it is often the case that arguments ensue, empathy is strained and estrangement sets in. With that as a backdrop, here are several fictitious vignettes of couples that are personality incompatible.

Marriage-Relationship-logo
 

Divorce and Its Real Life Challenges: A Community Call to Action

Posted on: October 18th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

A mother and father living in accord and harmony is one of the best presents that can be granted to a child. Yet what happens when G-d’s natural design of child rearing becomes stripped away from a family? What happens when the notion of enjoying quality time with both parents together becomes non-existent? I am of course referring to the ramifications of divorce. Divorce eradicates the stability of a traditional family unit and invites the inherent difficulties of single parenting.

Respler-101212
 

An Appeal To Readers

Posted on: October 14th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Readers: It is Motzei Rosh Hashanah as I write this letter. I have been a therapist for over thirty years and devote a large part of my practice to marital and pre-marital therapy. This year I have had many clients seeking my services after they sought help from other frum therapists. Regarding this, I wish to address the following phenomena:

Respler-Yael
 

From Depression To Happiness

Posted on: October 5th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael: I am a man in my 50s who, Baruch Hashem, has had a good life. I am married with children and grandchildren and was always a happy-go-lucky person, thankful for all the berachot bestowed on me. This year, though, has been very difficult for me, with many family and personal problems. I have begun to experience something that I have never really had before: depression. Out of nowhere I begin to feel upset and anxious, and I do not know what to do to get rid of these feelings.

1
Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel
 

Why Most Marriages Can Work

Posted on: October 5th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Mordechai, 36, and Chani, 35, were married for six years and came to me for advice on how to save their relationship. They seemed to have everything going for them. They were working professionals, successful and upwardly mobile; they shared many common factors including similar religious beliefs, intelligence levels, and were both pleasantly extroverted.

misery and happiness
 

The Secret of Turning Misery into Happiness

Posted on: September 28th, 2012

SectionsFamily

Feeling like a prisoner, I went along with a shidduch she wanted for me. Baruch Hashem, the girl was sweet and beloved. But I held out hope that after the wedding I'd be able to ask my wife to gradually change. I knew this could cause problems, but I was hopeful. Sadly, after 12 years of marriage and six children, my situation is the same; my wife is unwilling to change. As a matter of fact, contrary to what I had hoped for, the opposite is happening: my wife wants me to change. She says that I am too modern and should become more frum.

Respler-092112
 

Stressing The Positives

Posted on: September 21st, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael: My husband and I are, Baruch Hashem, happily married for five years. But there is a stumbling block constantly facing us.

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel
 

Pleasure vs. Happiness In Marriage

Posted on: September 21st, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

If you would like to know if your marriage is relationship centered or not, the way to find out is to ask yourself about your core values. For example, what is the most important principle of your marriage? Is it your desire for money or pleasure? Do you dream about being comfortable, being honored by your spouse and having a lot of fun?

Marriage-Relationship-logo
 

Ten Affirmations For A Peaceful Year

Posted on: September 14th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

As we begin the New Year it is with a sense of hope that we can avoid the painful arguments, hurtful remarks and misunderstandings which have harmed our relationships in the past. We seek to make amends with friends and family over the High Holidays and resolve that things will be different in the future. But moving forward, we may also wonder if we can really change patterns of relating that have been perpetuated for years or decades.

Respler-091412-Girl
 

Degrees Of Rejection

Posted on: September 13th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael: I am a 20 years old and dating. While I know that people consider me to be an attractive young woman, I have been getting rejected – quite a lot. This might be happening because I am painfully shy. For the most part I clam up while on a date; I become […]

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel
 

The Secret To A Happy Marriage

Posted on: September 7th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Are you looking for emotional first aid for your marriage? If you are, you’re not alone. Today, engaged couples, newlyweds and couples who have been married for years are feeling insecure about their relationships and looking for advice on how to make their marriages work better or simply to heal their relationship wounds.

Respler-Yael
 

The Repercussions Of Divorce

Posted on: September 7th, 2012

SectionsFamilyMarriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Respler: In your August 24 column, What Can Prevent Marriage, you eloquently discussed how losing a parent at a young age may cause someone to have a hard time getting married. As you made clear this is because of a deep-rooted fear of getting closer to someone and facing the possibility of loss.

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