Dear Dating Coach,
I have been dating a great girl for a few weeks now and things are going great. I really like her and where this is going. I just got the opportunity to go away for Sukkos and I would be gone for a little over three weeks. It seems like it would be really fun and I would rather not pass up the chance to go. When I told this to the girl I am dating, she was very upset. I was pretty surprised by her reaction. Did I do something wrong?
I recently heard about a flight from Switzerland to Spain, that flew 111 passengers without any of their luggage. Unsuspecting people boarded their flight, excited to head to Bilboa, Spain to see family members they had not seen in years and years. (OK, maybe they just like Bilbao. Whatever.) They landed and deplaned and went to the baggage claim to pick up their suitcases. They stood there and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited (you get the point!) some more. They peeked through that black flappy thingy (anyone know what that is called?), checked the screen to make sure that they were at the right carousel, and impatiently tapped on the conveyor belt, willing it to move. (FYI, this does not work.) Only then, were they informed that their luggage was not going to arrive. It had never been put on the airplane! They had arrived luggageless (this might not be a word). The people were understandably disappointed. (Furious! But they were Swiss, so they did not make a scene like maybe residents of another country might. Hmm…) They had packed, gone through the check-in process, slogged through security, boarded the plane, flew for hours, and arrived, happy to move on to the next step. Yet here they were, unable to proceed, because their suitcase expectations had not been met.
Out of Sight Out of Mind…
I’m so glad you are dating someone special. It is always exciting when the dating process is going well and you can start to envision a potential future together. Yet at this crucial juncture, you have decided to potentially take an extended vacation. You were surprised when the girl you are dating was unhappy to hear this. You wonder now, if you are perhaps doing something wrong.
Until A Spider Disappears in Your Bedroom.
Dating is a commitment. Both parties need to be fully invested and focused on connection, advancement, and the future. When things are going well, this is even more important. Taking an extended break now, can deter the progress that you have made. It can lessen new feelings as they grow, and the bond that you have tenuously formed. Even with texting, talking and the like, not being together in person for so long, can definitely derail your relationship. Moreover, it can feel unfair to the party left behind, leaving them in limbo, unsure of where they stand. Sure, sometimes time apart is unavoidable, and then the couple must work very hard to maintain their connection through the distance. But for now, if you have a safe and pleasant place to stay over Yom Tov, please consider staying behind and cementing your foundation for a beautiful future with a partner you can take vacations with forever.