Dear Dating Coach,
I’m home this year, working at a job I really like and spending time with my friends. I won’t be 20 until the summer and so I feel super young and not ready to date. I have a younger sister in seminary this year so my parents are pressuring me to start dating now. I just want to be single for a bit longer. I’m having fun with very few responsibilities and nights with my friends. They think I am being short-sighted but I’m just not interested yet. What do you think?
Fancy Free
Dear Free,
My potato kugel is amazing. My cousin gave me the recipe many years ago and it has been really delicious since. It’s the right texture, the right amount of salt, and perfectly crispy on top. Sadly, this was definitely not always the case. When I first started making potato kugel, it was fine, but not exactly the way I envisioned. Sometimes, it lacked flavor, sometimes the consistency was off, and sometimes, it looked a bit soggy. Nobody wants soggy potato kugel. It literally took me years to get my kugel right (thank you Hindy!) and now it’s a dish I can always rely on.
To Make Time Fly…
Thank you for your letter! I know that dating can feel daunting. It of course carries the hope and weight of marriage and family, and with that, tremendous responsibility. It is fun to have some time after school and seminary to travel, to work on your professional skills, and to simply “be.” Additionally, you are really young and may truly not be ready emotionally for dating and marriage. You feel pressure from your family and perhaps your younger sister, and still don’t want to commit to dating.
Throw Your Watch Out the Window
I hear you. Take the time to self-reflect on your growth and sense of responsibility. Are you capable, emotionally stable, and grounded? Assess your ability to navigate the world around you, to stay the course during challenges, and to take care of yourself. If you feel like you have those in the bag, you are probably ready to date. If you don’t, use this time to get yourself to place where you are truly and completely a whole person.
Finally, you must understand that we live in a world that is full of surprises. You can go out with one guy and fall in love and get married in three months. Should that be the case, you can seek guidance and support from those you trust for any outstanding questions you might have. However, you might also date for the next five years searching for the right match for you. Unfortunately, we don’t know how long the dating process will take, so being proactive is really a must. You need to commit to building your future, because it might not be seamless. Instead of pushing the possibility of mazel and bracha away; embrace them. Accept that Hashem runs the world and then create a beautiful vessel for His blessings, sure that when you receive them, it will be exactly the right time for you.
