Dear Husband,
I think I spoke to you for a total of four minutes today. But that’s to be expected; I know you just got married. How’s your new phone/Internet wife? You seem to have such a special relationship. In most relationships, the infatuation wears off after the honeymoon, but in yours the infatuation just seems to grow and grow. What’s your secret?
You always make sure to look her right in the eye. You make sure she knows that she is your first priority by keeping your loving gaze on her, even amidst bothersome distractions like your first wife and children. I know you have further excitement coming up – you’re counting down the days till you get your new smartphone like you once counted down the days to our wedding.
The first thing you do in the morning is spend time with her. And you spend time with her until you close your eyes at night. What are you guys talking about? I’m so curious. But I’ll stay out of it. I’m just your food provider, your laundry doer, and the caretaker of your children.
If you ever decide you want to come back, let me know. Just please don’t text, email, call, or WhatsApp me. Just look me in the eye and tell me.
Thanks,
Your Previous Wife
P.S. I just had a great idea. Maybe if I get a different number and pretend to be a client, I’ll get to spend some time with you.
* * * * *
Dear Previous Wife,
What a powerful letter you have shared with us. You have touched upon an issue that literally plagues couples in marital therapy today. Many wives and husbands feel exactly the same way as you. Cell phone use, and particularly smartphones, can cause such harm to marriages and relationships.
One suggestion I make is having couples draw up a list of phone rules. For example, no phones during dinner – they get put in a drawer or left in another room. How about no phones for at least one hour before bedtime? It is imperative that couples try to establish some “no phone” guidelines; as it is clear from the letter, that the other half of the relationship feels a tremendous amount of resentment. Many husbands and wives use their phones for business, but somehow it becomes an “all the time” thing and the phone never gets put away.
Another important tool is filters for all computers and Internet-capable devices. I am so impressed that yeshivas are finally taking a stand on this issue and not allowing parents to have smartphones. I believe it is the norm in the chassidishe yeshivas and I think that some litivishe yeshivas are coming on board as well.
Honestly, we are an addicted generation. I have had parents in my office complaining that they can’t not have a smartphone – it will affect their parnassah. Many families now have WhatsApp groups, and while they can be a great way for everyone to stay connected, they can also take over our lives.
I get a lot of criticism for my views on technology. I know that there are no easy solutions. Technology can be extremely helpful. We can google information at the push of a button and with apps like Waze we are practically guaranteed not to get lost.
And yet, like the old story of the man who would hang up his problems on the tree before he entered his home, it’s important that we hang up our phones. It is most important that we greet our families relaxed and happy and be attentive to those we love.