Enhancing A Marriage’s Prospects For Success

Posted on: May 23rd, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael: Do you really believe that the Internet is the reason why the divorce rate is so high among young couples? This may be so in some cases, but what about the fact that many singles are pressured to get married at a young age despite not having any idea what they are looking for in a mate? And add to that the fact that many are pressured to make a decision about marriage after dating for a very short period of time.

Two Years Of Marital Bliss; What Next?

Posted on: May 23rd, 2013

From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.

Defusing Tension With Kindness

Posted on: May 17th, 2013

The two proceeded to talk about everyday things and surprisingly her mother-in-law did not find anything else to criticize. This occurred a few more times, with my client changing the topic every time by complimenting her mother-in-law or mentioning something positive about her.

Depression: Not A Hopeless Malady

Posted on: May 10th, 2013

Dear Dr Yael: During a shiur on Pirkei Avos, a rabbi admired by my husband spoke about how some people begrudge others certain things. He mentioned the “D” word (without saying the word itself), and I think he said it was an illness talked about in the Gemara. He said that people suffering from this “machalah shachor” (dark illness) should live in a desert with the wild animals. My assumption was that the person would be left to die there.

Reducing Controlling Behavior

Posted on: May 9th, 2013

Controlling behavior may be the number one reason that your marriage needs first aid. If you are unfamiliar with the topic of control, it’s no surprise. Most people are unaware that control is a major issue for counselors, therapists and psychologists-at-large.

How About Husband Schools? – A Reaction

Posted on: May 2nd, 2013

Instead of putting it all on the men, saying for example that they are "trained" by "society" to feel, think and behave as they do, perhaps you could have encouraged these self-described happily-married women to look in the mirror and try to figure out why their husbands seem to act insensitively toward them.

Give A Little, Take A Little

Posted on: April 25th, 2013

My friend forwarded this letter and I am sharing it with you, my readers as it concerns an issue that affects many in the “sandwich generation.”

Ways Of Gaining Chizuk

Posted on: April 18th, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael: I am trying, over the Internet, to find programs for my son that are geared toward helping people strengthen their emunah and bitachon. Thus far, I have been unsuccessful. Do you know of any sites I can visit? Anonymous

Advocating For The Personal Touch

Posted on: April 11th, 2013

He needs to have a different ring for his work number in order to be able to ignore all other incoming calls and message alerts. This will give him the opportunity to only speak on the phone or retrieve texts when it is absolutely necessary to do so.

Shalom Bayis At All Cost

Posted on: March 28th, 2013

To this day, all the returned items remain in my parent's possession. Baruch Hashem, this was the beginning of a very close and wonderful relationship between my parents and these machatanim - on that continues until today.

Pesach: A Time For Personal Redemption

Posted on: March 28th, 2013

We recognize that the Exodus story in the Torah, like all biblical narratives, is more than just a historical or political tale of physical bondage and ensuing liberation, it is also a spiritual and psychological drama. The exodus represents the human potential to liberate itself from slavery -- be it physical, mental, or spiritual.

Marital Therapy: Solo Or Joint?

Posted on: March 21st, 2013

Just like Aharon HaKohen promoted shalom bayis by sharing with couples all of the good things that his or her spouse said, a therapist can encourage shalom bayis in this same way.

Managing the Unmanageable: Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Posted on: March 21st, 2013

I often write about Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) because it is a pervasive and problematic issue in our community today. Recent surveys suggest that ODD affects between two and sixteen percent of children. Children with ODD are often classified as “explosive” because of their severe and sudden outbreaks.

The Long Way Home For Adults Who Were Children of Divorce

Posted on: March 21st, 2013

There are millions of adults today who experienced the trauma of their parents’ divorce 20, 30, 40 or more years ago. Some have found closure, but many more have not. Regrettably, it is a time in a child’s life that is never forgotten. It stays with you; it is part of who you are.

Finding Emunah

Posted on: March 15th, 2013

Dear Dr. Yael: I recently concluded that I don’t believe in G-d. One day, while davening with kavanah for yiras Shamayim, I found material flaws in my reasons for believing in G-d and Judaism. I have felt this way for pretty much my whole life, with much introspection and debate. Finally, in one instant, my entire belief system fell away.

Learning to Say That You’re Sorry

Posted on: March 15th, 2013

It’s inevitable that sometimes couples will step on each other’s toes; especially during the first year of marriage, where newlyweds find themselves tip-toeing around their spouse’s emotional roadblocks. Don’t forget that it takes time to learn about your spouse’s idiosyncrasies and how to respond in a way that makes him or her feel at ease.

The Imago Theory

Posted on: March 7th, 2013

For instance, if a woman had a very warm and loving father and then marries a warm and loving husband, she may continue to have a positive imago and enjoy an excellent relationship with her husband.

WE vs. ME Couples

Posted on: March 7th, 2013

My father-in-law spent over thirty-five years as a circuit court judge. He noticed that some clients paid teams of lawyers only to be poorly represented. He noted in these cases that, "the lawyers are so busy arguing with each other that nobody's arguing the case." There was an absence of cohesiveness and the ego driven fighting rendered the team ineffective.

Fairness Among Siblings

Posted on: February 28th, 2013

While understanding the situation will hopefully make it easier for you to handle it, it is important to speak with your mother - respectfully - about what is bothering you.

Empathize With Your Spouse

Posted on: February 28th, 2013

To feel loved and nurtured your spouse needs to feel that you empathize with his or her emotions. The key is empathy. Empathy isn’t the same as sympathy or pity. It means being able to put yourself in another’s position, to feel what he feels and see what he sees, without losing yourself in the process.