The Marriage Meeting Program

Posted on: November 25th, 2009

The morning blessings provide a daily reminder of the mitzvah to bring peace between a husband and wife. However, most couples can maintain sholom bayis on their own with a practical, easy-to-implement system: the Marriage Meeting Program.

Righteous Shunning – or a Curse on those who Shun?

Posted on: November 4th, 2009

Have you joined with other women in your community to punish someone who has behaved badly? I have seen several instances of shunning, where women banded together to cut someone out of the social life of their synagogue and neighborhood in order to punish her for wrongdoing. Women shunning another woman, often feel they are participating in a positive act, but it is one they do not discuss with their rabbi. This is a modern, informal version of cherem.

Match-Making

Posted on: October 21st, 2009

My oldest daughter recently celebrated her nineteenth birthday, and I'm just now getting used to the idea that my husband and I are heading into a new parsha in our lives: Getting ready to find a shidduch for our daughter. So it wasn't any wonder that the topic came up when I ran into an old friend at shul the other day.

Shalom Task Force: Answering The Call Of Domestic Abuse

Posted on: October 9th, 2009

Due to the overwhelming amount of e-mail I have received about domestic abuse, this week’s column focuses on the services of Shalom Task Force. (Names and situation have been changed) According to the Allstate Foundation National Poll on Domestic Violence, three out of four Americans know someone who is or has been a victim of […]

Part 28 – Healthy Marriages Equal Longer Life Expectancy

Posted on: August 28th, 2009

Can improving your marriage help you live longer? A fascinating study led by researchers at Hebrew University revealed that Bnei Brak, an Israeli city that has one of the highest proportions of ultra-Orthodox Jews, also had the longest life expectancy in Israel. This is what the report found:

Part 27 – Refocusing Your Perspective On Your In-laws

Posted on: August 14th, 2009

The number one factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is your spouse’s support. As with all close relationships, it’s an art to support your spouse without jumping into the fight or feeding his or her discontent.

Part 26 – Relating To Your In-laws

Posted on: August 7th, 2009

You may think you said “I do” to just one person on your wedding day, but the reality of married life is that you actually vowed to honor several people. Marriage comes with new challenges; some of which you had no idea were waiting for you.

Im Yirtzeh Hashem

Posted on: August 5th, 2009

With Tu B'Av - a holiday renowned for women "dancing in the fields" and meeting a man - falling out on Wednesday, August 5, we'd like to share the following annual letter:

Part 25 – Learning To Be Content

Posted on: July 31st, 2009

One of the most important ways a couple can manage money together is to learn the art of contentment. We have already discussed how making a budget can be a very simple way to start saving money.

Part 24 – Making a Monthly Budget

Posted on: July 22nd, 2009

There's no getting around it: in marriage, a budget is a requirement for good money management. A budget is simply (1) a tool to increase your consciousness of how and where you spend your money, and (2) a guideline to help you spend your money on the things that are most important to you. Following a budget can create money for savings, where you thought there was none.

Part 23 – How Do You Relate To Money?

Posted on: July 17th, 2009

To help couples better understand where they stand on financial issues, here is a mini quiz that both partners can take and use to facilitate a discussion about money.

Ego Strengths – And Their Absence

Posted on: July 15th, 2009

Throughout our lives, we will all experience endless irritations and frustrations, as well as many losses, such as losing a job, suffering betrayal and abuse, and the death of a loved one. What makes the difference between those who stay down and those who pick themselves up and start rebuilding?

Part 22 – Managing Money Together

Posted on: July 10th, 2009

You marry for love and friendship. Yet there are practical concerns involved in making a living and managing your finances that can affect the quality of your marriage.

Part 21 – Therapy For Marriage And Parenting Issues

Posted on: July 3rd, 2009

There are some marital issues that are too sensitive for a couple to handle alone. These issues might include mistrust; lack of marital satisfaction; conflict involving in-laws, friends, siblings, and children; verbal abuse; and so on. When dealing with such problems, the best course is to ask a professional outside party for advice and opinions.

Part 20 – At Risk Parents, At Risk Children

Posted on: June 26th, 2009

When parents come to talk to me about a troubled child or teenager, I often find it helpful to explore whether or not their marriage is causing at-risk issues in their home.

Part 19 – Towards A Higher Level Of Communication

Posted on: June 19th, 2009

In evaluating three styles of communication: competitive, avoiding and compromising, being competitive or avoiding conflict share the same risk of alienating the other person.

Part 18 – Conflict Resolution

Posted on: June 12th, 2009

No matter how couples try to make sure everything in their lives is perfect, at some point they may experience conflict in their marriage. Conflict is not as dramatic as it sounds. In marriage, independent of how much you love someone, you may have differing ideas about money or education, preferences, or various special activities you both want to do.

The Formula For Matchmaking

Posted on: June 3rd, 2009

About 10 years ago, I went to Israel for a brief visit and met up with the Kuper family, old friends I hadn't seen for many years.

Part 17 – Breaking The Silence

Posted on: May 29th, 2009

Domestic abuse is an issue that affects people of all religious and cultural backgrounds. It is for this reason that most communities today have organizations that will respond to abuse in a manner appropriate for its constituents.

How To Build Trust

Posted on: May 20th, 2009

Last week, a frum-from-birth mother in one of my classes thanked me for encouraging her to stay home with her last baby (which was her sixth). She said, "Until I met you, I didn't know it was important for babies to be cuddled or held. Thanks to you, I decided to nurse for the first time and it was a wonderful experience. Instead of rushing off to work in the morning, he got a calm mom - at least until I returned to part-time work when he was eight months old."