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July 24, 2014 / 26 Tammuz, 5774
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Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: Make Men More Mature Rather than Send Girls Under the Knife


Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Photo Credit: Screen shot

Few columns I have read from the orthodox community have disturbed me as much as Yitta Halberstam’s recent piece in the Jewish Press advocating that young women engage in plastic surgery in order to be more in demand for a shidduch (Jewish marital match). Worse, Yitta encourages us parents to be the ones to send our daughters under the knife. I was so floored by what I read that I decided to take time from my all-consuming Congressional campaign to respond.

I have met Yitta. She’s a fine woman with a luminous soul. So Yitta, please don’t take this personally. I mean no disrespect. But you can’t be serious.

Here is Yitta begging orthodox Jewish parents to heed her call: “Mothers this is my plea to you: There is no reason in today’s day and age with the panoply of cosmetic and surgical procedures available, why any girl can’t be transformed into a swan. Borrow the money if you have to; it’s an investment in your daughter’s future, her life.”

Witness the modern Jewish tragedy writ large. Had this piece been published even in a secular magazine it would have come in for the sharpest criticism and condemnation. Yitta, are you not aware that we face an epidemic of young American women dying of eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia because of the kind of misogyny you advocate above? About eight million American women have an eating disorder and the numbers are increasing greatly in the orthodox community. I published a column a few years back about a seventeen-year-old girl in a seminary in Jerusalem, known to my family, that died of anorexia. The root cause of eating disorders is this dangerous belief that a young woman is not born a princess but an ugly duckling in need of some radical personal makeover in order to appeal physically to a man.

How dangerous is the kind of drivel about young girls undergoing surgical procedures as advocated in Yitta’s column? Well, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Ten percent of anorexics die within 10 years of contracting the disease, twenty percent will be dead after 20 years, and only about thirty-five percent ever fully recover. And the mortality rate associated with anorexia is twelve times higher than the death rate of all causes of death for females aged fifteen to twenty-four years old. (Source: South Carolina Department of Mental Health)

The assault on women in our time is serious, concentrated, and deadly. It’s remedy is a more wholesome, more spiritual culture that looks at a women in her totality: mind, body, heart, and spirit. This is the kind of world that Judaism, with its unique emphasis on a woman’s spiritual gifts, has always sought to create.

How tragic, therefore, that columns of this ilk are appearing more frequently in orthodox Jewish publications, as if the words of King Solomon “that beauty is negligible but a woman who fears G-d is to be praised” is something of a bygone era, replaced even in the religious Jewish community by the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

Is the author really suggesting that we take our young daughters – and I, thank God, am blessed with six – and put them under the knife, bankrupting our families in the process, so that they can better appeal to shallow religious charlatans who would prefer a woman who is all form and little substance? Is this what three thousand and three hundred years of Jewish tradition has come to, that a nation that has always dared to walk alone, with different ideals and values from the wider culture, should so fully capitulate to the most corrupt, misogynistic values, that we would advocate that our young women have plastic surgery in order to get married?

Earth to Yitta: It’s not women who have to have breast enlargements, collagen injections in their lips, and Botox needles shoved in their foreheads in order to marry. Rather, it’s men who need a deeper, spiritual inoculation. Tell the Yeshiva students that the Torah they are learning is supposed to actually change their hearts. They’re supposed to be influenced by its values and judge a woman’s beauty not just by her hourglass shape but by her incisive opinions, graciousness of character, and spiritual glow. It’s the feminine which draws the masculine, and the feminine is something subtle, noble and refined. It is vulgarized when it becomes entirely about the physical form and rapidly loses its appeal.

And by the way, Yitta, I assume, in the interests of egalitarianism and fairness, that you’re also advocating that the young guys who indulged a bit too much in the cholent  get their stomachs stapled and liposuction to make them more appealing to the girls?

I have worked in the field of human relationships in the secular world for most of my professional life and I have never even heard it suggested by the most superficial relationship expert that we should take young women for plastic surgery in order to attract a husband. Because most of those experts would rightly say that any man that expected extensive surgical procedures prior to marriage is a shallow jerk, and any parent who would inflict that on their daughter might just be guilty of abuse.

About the Author: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, “America’s Rabbi” whom the Washington Post calls “the most famous Rabbi in America,” is the international best-selling author of 29 books, including The Fed-up Man of Faith: Challenging God in the Face of Tragedy and Suffering. Follow him on Twitter @RabbiShmuley.


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212 Responses to “Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: Make Men More Mature Rather than Send Girls Under the Knife”

  1. Rachel Fish , many of the commenters to the article thought it was a satire to get people talking and to make the men more accountable. We can hope…

  2. batya novogroder says:

    Rivka, sadly Yitta confirmed in her response to last week’s Jewish press letters regarding the original article that it was NOT satire at all (not that I thought it was for even a minute) but in case there was any doubt about it there should not be. She wrote the article with what she felt were good intentions but thankfully many in the community disagree with her message (which she kind of predicted would happen anyhow in the original article).
    In any case, Mazal tov on your marriage & so glad for you that you found your bashert & you didn’t need to waste money on unnecessary surgeries to achieve that goal! I should add though that if someone REALLY needs a nose job b/c they cannot bear to look at themselves in the mirror, than kol hakavod let them go for it (if they can afford it or if the kind doctor on this thread is willing to do it for them pro bono) but the problem is when people who are basically happy with their noses feel pressured by others to have surgery in order to find a shidduch THAT is not right!!

  3. Anonymous says:

    It is a travesty that certain quarters within Modern Orthodox society have become so materialistic and superficial that they would be receptive to the idea of plastic surgery as the remedy for young Jewish women struggling to find their basherte / zivug. Yitta Halberstam's suggestion plays right into the utterly shallow notion that looks are everything. As a young man who himself has been struggling to get married for many years, I now see that materialism seems to be the root of the Modern Orthodox Jewish singles crisis not just in New York, but across the world. I've heard many stories of women who themselves seem to be shallow and materialistic; if they come across a guy who doesn't LOOK like a potential match for them, i.e., doesn't look cool, etc.they won't even stop to talk to get to know him better. Although I've read that women have a knack for sizing up men just by looking at them, I think much of their reactions towards men can be traced to the SAME SICKNESS IN VALUES that UNDERLIES Yitta Halberstam's disgusting suggestion – that looks are EVERYTHING, and that the SOLE REMEDY is to change them. This regrettable attitude only serves to objectify women as worthy only of sex, and socializes BOTH men and women into using appearance as their primary criterion for marriage. Women get the worst of this type of thinking, as Rabbi Boteach noted, since they are the most susceptible to anorexia, which is a devastating psychological disorder that often kills those afflicted with it.

    I'm not suggesting that men and women ignore appearance in their search for a mate. IT IS definitely important. But that cannot be the be all and end all of marriage. Marriage must be based on shared values, shared goals, psychological compatibility, and good middot. A potential spouse with all of these attributes and B level looks is FAR MORE APPEALING than a potential spouse with A+ looks. IF looks are all that matters, one might as well put a poster up in one's room to look at instead.

    Ms. Halberstam, I realize that you had good intentions in writing your article. But, as they say, the road to h__ll is paved with good intentions. Plastic surgery should be used ONLY in extreme situations for people of either gender – not on a regular basis. Men and women have been meeting and getting married in the Jewish world for thousands of years. It's absurd to suggest that after all this time, plastic surgery, which was never used until recently, is now somehow necessary. WHAT'S NECESSARY IS A CHANGE IN OUR VALUES THAT VIGOROUSLY PROMOTES THE ADMONITION: "DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER," INSTEAD OF PAYING LIP SERVICE TO IT.

  4. Shoshanna Goldstein Sanders says:

    Yonatan Silver I guess Shlomo Hamelech had his own solution to the shidduch crisis.

  5. Nelda Bibb says:

    The looks, physical attributes are all in the GENES. We can chanaage the looks, but they come back in the forms of our children. So we play the cosmetic circle cycle with our bodies.

  6. Dear Yitta, (writer of the article suggesting plastic surgery)…Here is some SURPRISING NEWS for you! Those children that are born to the "swans" who have undergone surgery will have the large noses and ear that stick out and everything else that their Mommy had BEFORE surgery. Those poor unsuspecting husbands! Should they sue for.
    deception? Of course I am being sarcastic…I am a full blooded Jewish comic with all my original body parts and a husband who thinks I'm gorgeous EVEN with the little droop at the end of my nose!

  7. Anne Guetta says:

    Dear Mr. Salzhauer

    Agreed. Makeup is important.

    Plastic surgery is not. Where is the appreciation of natural beauty? I have many friends, many of which do not have 'perfect' noses. And their noses are beautiful! It adds character, personality and uniqueness to their faces.

    You offered to give free plastic surgery to girls who need it and can't afford it. I admire you're generosity and concern, but I have to say that I looked at the before and after pictures on your website and I think that most people looked nicer with their natural noses from before the surgery – not because the surgery was not good (I'm sure you're a very skilled surgeon), but because their faces lost a lot of the character after the surgery – all of their noses looked more or less the same, which I found really sad. If they found that their new noses looked nicer, that's good for them and they're entitled to do what they want, but what bothers me is that todays society influences people to think that 'perfect' noses are nicer – why can't people be happy with their natural look? Now don't get me wrong, in extreme cases where the person feels like it's ruining their life, they may need it. But in most of the 'before' pictures on your website, they looked perfectly good with their natural noses!

    People are entitled to do what they want, but encouraging people to get plastic surgery is wrong on many levels. Does this mean it's better to be man-made than G-d-made?

    Respectfully,

    Anne

  8. Michael Salzhauer says:

    Well said.

  9. Sandra Jull says:

    I am not Jewish, but have admired Jews for a long tim. When I this article, the first thing I thought was, “This is not Jewish.”

  10. I read with utter dismay Yitta Halberstam's "Purim and the Tyranny of.
    Beauty". I would like to think she wrote the letter in haste not.
    thinking of the pain she would cause by its content. There are
    hundreds of singles girls that work during the day, go to college at.
    night and still find time to do chessed. They are presentable, kind.
    and many things in between. However, if they are not a raving beauty.
    and a size 2 their chances of getting a date are slim. The boys saying.
    no to them can be jobless, sleep late, dress like a slob but they.
    still have the upper hand. To get the "great guy" (usually not either.
    deserving of the girl)the girl needs, the looks, money and yichus to.
    possibly score a date. Does this author understand the amount of girls.
    that have died of anorexia, bulima, suicide, on the operating table.
    etc because they were unhappy with their image. Do these same girls.
    need to starve themselves during pregnancy to stay beautiful for their.
    husbands? Do they have to worry their whole lives if they can have a.
    second piece of challah at the shabbos table? Many boys today wont go.
    out without a picture, and a 2 hour analyzation of the girls facebook.
    picture! Anyone that is married will tell you that a persons.
    character is ultimately what effects the marriage. The beautiful wife.
    that yells at her husband as he walks through the door, is no longer.
    beautiful in his eyes no matter how physically beautiful she is. The
    woman that is loving and caring and sets up a warm, inviting home.
    becomes increasingly attractive.I know countless girls that go to.
    sleep crying at night. Girls that would make unbelievable wives and.
    mothers. Sadly, they are not good enough for the boys that are taught.
    to put physical beauty above all else. My children are still young but.
    I often bring them to nursing homes, special needs homes and parks.
    where they encounter people of every denomination. I pray that they.
    grow up knowing that ultimately its anothers inside that counts most.
    Several years ago I decided to get into "shidduchim" to help the.
    countless single girls in my community. I started off so confidently.
    and excitedly. My bubble was quickly deflated by those (unfortunately.
    too many) people that have Mrs Halberstams same view points. I'm am
    saddened to say that I am minimally involved in shidduchim today.
    However, there are two rules that I have for when I do work on.
    shidduchim 1. I will not work with a boy that wants a "barbie doll" I.
    will not degrade my dignity or the dignity of the incredible girls.
    that I know. 2. I will never exchange pictures. Every person is much.
    more then what can be revealed in a picture. If everything sounds.
    right and you get a basic picture from talking to reference. A date is.
    the best way to meet the whole person. I hope others will follow my.
    lead in these two areas, as to not further pain the girls that may not.
    be "picture perfect"..

  11. Atara Arbesfeld says:

    Dr. Salzhauer, if I remember correctly, Rashi comments that Avraham did not fully realize Sarah's beauty until they arrived in Egypt due to the modesty of both of them. What we can learn from this is that Avraham was drawn to her for her inner beauty so much that her physical beauty was not the main focus of the relationship. Not to say that attraction isnt important but it through modesty that helps us focus more attentively on the personal qualities that we admire in a mate. This, I believe, is what is the make up of a real marriage.

    And another thing is that you can also argue that Vashti was also pretty. So was Batsheva, who David is rebuked by Nosson Hanavi having an improper relationship with her (L'Havdil, not that Batsheva can be compared to Achashveirosh's evil first wife but hopefully you get my drift). And though Tzipporah was considered beautiful, Moshe was still required to separate from her because he had to be in constant communication with Hashem.

    The point is that beauty seems to be mentioned in the Tanach as a fact, not whether or not it is something to be strived for. It is a quality than can be a blessing but it can also be a distraction from what is real.

  12. Pnina Jacob Baim says:

    i had a much bigger issue with the mommies collecting girls "resume" then encourging girls to be more presentable. she used herself as an example, so i'm not sure what all the outrage is about when she encouraged girls to 'sex' :))))) it up a wee bit. the truth is, i really don't think that's the issue. girls aren't single because they aren't pretty enough, their single bec. the system is messed up.

  13. Chaim Saperstein— Yitta was very well intentioned and trying honestly to help out the girls. Why do you imply that it has to be one or the other…character OR beauty…as if they were incompatible traits. They are both important when picking a spouse. She never said the girls had poor character or wouldn't make good wives. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder….but studies show that people tend to rank the attractiveness of stangers pretty consistently when shown pictures of men and women. I don't think its creepy that Yitta would know what an attractive girl looks like…it is simple common sense; something that tends to get thrown out the window when the subject of plastic surgery is raised.

  14. Pnina Jacob Baim says:

    and also, my very own personal opinion of the older singles that I know well, is that they may be looking for something that doesnt' exist

  15. I have to whole heartedly agree with this article. In today’s crazy world it is our job as parents to teach our children proper Torah views and not be reduced to the insane values of our surrounding culture.

  16. Good luck with that one. Common sense has left the building.

  17. Eileen Kerin says:

    The entire Jewish community should thank you for speaking out about a problem that has become ubiquitous across all sectors of the Jewish community. It would be wonderful if you or someone who works for you went to speak at Jewish youth groups or colleges. You have no idea how much you could help our youth. You have addressed a serious problem and we are all very proud of you.

  18. Debi…and if the kids have crooked teeth that aren't perfect like mommy and daddy's (since mommy and daddy had braces when they were 12) would that also be deception? You know what…maybe skip penicillin and immunizations too since my grandfather didn't need them when he was a boy. Medicine is about progress. I understand that peope are attached to "their hometown, their baseball team, their college" etc. but just because its YOUR nose doesn't automatically make it "the bestest ever."

  19. Adriane Tick Meyers says:

    Maybe, but it seemed clear to me from Halberstam's "plea" that all types of surgical procedures were implied. And sadly, I saw and conversed with many who defended the original article.

  20. Nelda Bibb—-So do crooked teeth…but you wouldn't hold braces back from your children. You also have to immunize your children against disease each generation…you wouldn't say "what's the point" their kids will also need to get shots to stay healthy.

  21. Anne Guetta You are of course entitled to your opinion. However in the interest of fairness, could you please be specific and tell me which of the 82 patients (they are numbered on the gallery portion of the website http://www.balharboursurgery.com) you thinked looked better before rather than after? Also, no two of the noses look alike. I take particular pride in not leaving a "cookie-cutter" appearance to my noses and try to match the nose the face while retaining the essential character of the person.

    Finally, it always better to have G-d made beauty. I can never match the perfection of someone born with a naturally spectacular nose. However, modern medicine is about helping each other live healthier, happier and better lives. That's what I try to do each day. I had a rhinoplasty myself…so I know it can work wonders for self-confidence and overall well-being.

    If you know of anyone that is single and may benefit from a boost in self-esteem please let them know about my offer.

    be well,

    Michael Salzhauer

  22. Gil Gilman says:

    Esty Schlossberg Dershowitz It happens to the best looking among us…

  23. Gil Gilman was just clarifying, not judging

  24. Michael Salzhauer While she may have had good intentions,it's important to get to the root cause of the issue. If the men of this generation would stop looking at woman(and the world in general) as objects to fulfill their endless lust,as objects to control and manipulate,if they would stop looking at the world from a self-centered egotistical point of view,then there would be no need for women to go to extra lengths to receive the mans energy. They can't receive giving which is only for the sake of the giver,which doesn't allow room for its own expression,which doesn't allow room for the expression of the details,characteristics,viewpoints,and imperfections,which make the mans giving energy,perfect and singular,which gives the man his unique and singular identity,which makes him who he is in the first place. The woman should not have to conform to the mens self-gratification because they are higher than men,they take the mans singular giving controlling energies,reflect it off the environment,details,and imperfections which make it perfect to begin with,and give it beauty,life,meaning,and purpose.They show the man that he is absolute,that perfection also applies to imperfections. In other words,women are perfect just the way they are,they just need to be shown it.

  25. I think that this is a good opportunity to share my article.
    Enjoy!

    The perfect woman is someone who's stays true to who she is.

    She takes the perfect, infinite, giving, controlling energies of man, and reflects it through her environment, through the evolution of the imperfect parts, which make the mans energies infinite and perfect and in the first place.
    She limits his giving, in order to allow room for the imperfect parts of perfection, to allow room for them to express their diversity and uniqueness, without being forced and controlled by the mans singularity.
    This environment shows the man that his singularity is not just limited to being one and above them, but that it also applies to the parts which make him singular in the first place(2,3,4,5, etc) If he messes with the woman and children, if he doesn't respect the different rules of the body of his universe, it will reflect back at him, with pain and suffering.
    She shows him that the different, rules, characteristics, and details, don't take anything away from his unique singular identity, but only add to it, they make him complete, whole, and absolute.
    She takes his perfect, infinite, singular, controlling, giving energy, reflects it through her environment of the diversity and uniqueness of each and every detail, and gives it meaning, life, beauty, purpose, and absolute unconditional love.

    Unfortunately, men have been using their infinite creative energies on women for their own sake. They want to express their unlimited infinite energy, but bypass the limits which express it.They want to express their infinity through tapping into the absolute source of their infinity, through bypassing the system.
    They see there infinity as absolute, when in reality, its only a part of the absolute picture.There are also the finite, imperfect, details, viewpoints, and charachteristics which make him absolute to begin with.
    They see themselves(infinity)from a self-centered point of view(absolute).
    They see the other points of view of them as separate, as something to be controlled and manipulated.In truth, of course, the different rules, characteristics, details don't take anything away from his singularity.In truth, everyone else shares the same point of view as him, just from a different perspective. All those other perspectives of him, are what make him one and unique, they help him to get to know himself, they make him an absolute part of the bigger picture.

    So what happens when men try to express there unlimited infinite potential, into a limited, diverse, environment, through bypassing his infinity, through the channel of his absolute self gratifying energy?

    The answer is that this pure, raw, unfiltered, emotional, absolute expressive energy makes no room for its own expression, its only for itself, It makes no room for separate details, characteristics, viewpoints, etc, its not compatible with anything that doesn't allow it in. It will destroy the body of his universe, which will eventually pass out in a drunken stupor.
    This absolute, unlimited, self gratifying energy needs to be reduced to his infinite creative potential, (singularity, man and woman together, the universe together with all its parts) and then reduced even further to allow room for its expression(separate the singularity from its concept(man)and details(woman)to allow room for the details to be expressed without a forced relationship to the singularity, to allow room for the concept(man) to be expressed through the evolution of its details.) The self gratifying energy is now taken out of the picture, and in its place, is a limitation of that energy, a limitation of its expression.

    The mans infinite creative potential can now be expressed through a conceptual goal and purpose.He's no longer creating for himself, but for others.The conceptual goal and purpose allow room for the expression of its details.One can either give for the sake of receiving, or give for the sake of giving.

    If a man doesn't give his infinite giving a goal and purpose, it will reflect on the environment of his other half, of the body of his universe.
    This self gratifying energy will be reflected on the women.They will never be able to grasp this energy, they will always be left with wanting more, they will go to any lengths possible to receive it.They may parade their bodies, or go from one guy to the next until they receive energy which is not for the mans self-gratification, but for the goal and purpose of the receiver.
    This self gratifying energy will reflect off of the other points of view of himself.The energy reflected back at him will be rejection, pain, and suffering.Eventually, the men will have to wake up, because in reality, they are destroying themselves.

    Women are perfect just the way they are, they are above the man, they just need to be shown it.They don't need to conform to the mans self gratification, they could reject it and rise above it, because their connection to the man is not limited to what he does for them, they're still connected to the part of the man which is even higher than the man himself.
    Even the mans perfect infinite creative energy is limited to creating, is limited to infinity.
    The woman is what expresses the finite parts of the mans infinite energy.
    This energy of the man comes from the absolute, its not limited by what it creates or what it destroys.

    In fairness to the men however, they've grown up in a materialistic generation, which preaches self-gratification, which doesn't have any values, which purpose is only for itself.
    They need to learn that giving is not for the sake of receiving something in return, but to connect with the receiver.
    Another problem is that they are head, king, and giver, they are supposed to be in control of there body and kingdom.The body and kingdom are supposed to recieve their giving.
    This generation is loaded with problems, which makes it difficult for them to recieve, and its causing the men to be extremely over-concerned.
    They also need to learn that while its true that they are supposed to give, they can't truly give without making room for the receiver (the other parts of him who share his view, but from a different perspective, the other details, chrachteristics, viewpoints, etc, which make him the head, king, which make him singular, unique, and perfect, which make him who he is in the first place) to process it through there own unique view, without making room for mistakes and imperfections. Otherwise, there connection would be limited to a perfect controlling realtionship, and they would never know there connection through there imperfections as well, they would never know that they are absolute.

  26. Wow! This is awesome. I loved every word of it and how you expressed it, Rochie, ur amazing. Lets make Shuduchim together!

  27. Tzvi Doron says:

    While I agree with the general sentiment of the article, I disagree with the point about the "ugly duckling attitude" being the CAUSE of eating disorders. The cause of eating disorders is deep psychological dysfunction that has causes which are multifactorial. I don't doubt that one of the factors is the lack of self esteem caused by being brought up to think that all of one's worth is based on one's physical appearance. But to reduce such a complex problem to one cause is an oversimplification.

    In addition, I generally believe that people should try to be attractive not only for their potential spouses, but also for their actual spouses without going to extremes. This applies equally to both sexes. As a man, I certainly put effort into remaining attractive to my wife. This includes watching my weight as well as things like dressing nicely at least some of the time and staying reasonably well groomed.

  28. Bella Tonini says:

    Wow, nice breakdown/analisis of the whole situation…of course loved the part where you mentioned that women are perfect just as they are….good job!

  29. Gary Chuven says:

    What would happen if this crooked-nosed, frizzy-haired, less-than svelte girl has all this cosmetic rearrangement, finds a learner, gets married, and has children. Crooked-nosed, frizzy-haired, less-than svelte children? My thought, as the father of five daughters, the five most beautiful daughters in the world, this would be a case of deceptive advertising. A marriage built on such a shaky foundation is not off to a good start.

  30. Also,many men are not appreciated,causing them to feel sad and lonely. Unfortunately,some men handle this with controlling force. They need to realize that the men who are truly respected and appreciated,are the ones who give for the sake of giving,not the ones who give for their own sake,the ones who give without expecting anything in return. Men who demand respect just because they say so,for the sake of their self-gratification,will never be appreciated and respected,because they only want it for themselves.

  31. Also,many men are not appreciated,causing them to feel sad and lonely. Unfortunately,some men handle this with controlling force. They need to realize that the men who are truly respected and appreciated,are the ones who give for the sake of giving,the ones who give without expecting anything in return,and not the people who give for their own sake. Men who demand respect just because they say so,for the sake of their self-gratification,will never be appreciated and respected,because they only want it for themselves.

  32. Shira says:

    Lynn, I was gonna keep my mouth shut, but you finally did it. You finally insulted all the single men and the women by saying there are only a few worthy men and no worthy women for these worthy men to choose from. To clarify, if there were more quality men there wouldn’t be such a difference in number between the amount of quality men and the amount of quality women? Maybe if the sons were raised to be better people there would be a more level playing field. You have no clue what it is like to be a single girl in 2012, so don’t judge. Your biggest concern should be your daughter in law letting herself go physically. I honestly hope that she brings a little bit more to the table then a 5,000 dollar sheital bill. Attraction is important but I know plenty of guys who fell for girls who were not what our ignorant society would call beautiful and they are very happy. I also know some guys who married super models who now after 10 years of marriage don’t look to hot anymore. Life is a gamble, take risks, look inside. Give people a chance, you may never know what treasures you will find. And I will say it one more time. Look around, I have been in these communities, the women are beautiful, they spend way too much time and money on their looks. IF you think that is the problem, then I feel bad for your sons and daughter in laws. I am not worried about me because B”H my shidduch is in Hashem’s hands not yours and not Mrs. Halberstams.I just cry for the women who don’t know their own value and whose hearts and spirits are being broken by careless words. If men won’t be openminded do what shaddchanim do to the girls and bully them a little. IF they are men they will man up and may thank you for it later. If they are boys then they deserve what they get. I was once told by a teacher of mine that marrying for looks is like buying a stock that you know is going to decrease in value. Marry for values, heart, loyalty, personality and attraction and you are ahead of the game.

  33. Michael a.k.a Doctor Salzhauer.. You are a well known plastic surgeon in my old neck of the woods so I would not expect you to like my comment. You haven't made a dime off my family because my four siblings and I were raised to feel good about our ethnic looks. I have 4 beautiful children including a daughter who is a Jewish hip hop artist in South Florida. Plastic surgery comes with risks as does any type of surgery. To put a young woman through a surgery to catch a husband is insulting to women. Again, I do not expect you to understand where I am coming from when so much of your business comes from agreeing with insecure women that a nose job or bigger breasts will bring them the happiness they desire.

  34. Eventually,even if it takes years,people will respect and appreciate what's been done for them. Nobody likes to have everything done for them,without doing something in return.

  35. Aviva Skurowitz says:

    ok lets lighten this up….I am very happily married, and I know your offer is for the single women….but I have BAGS under my eyes! Its genetic, my father, z"TL, had them, and I have them…..ok i'm just trying to lighten this up – but i'm serious.

  36. Of course most of us agree with his premise. But what we all want the world to be is not what it is.

  37. Bella Tonini says:

    Avrohom Becker good points!!

  38. Bella Tonini says:

    David Staum –he is speaking for a lot of people..I am outraged that someone would want to push young vulnerable women into getting surgery, in order to get a husband? He speaks for me in this case..also because I am too lazy to write an article. Face it, he is right!!

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