web analytics
December 18, 2014 / 26 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Shidduch Madness: No Jumping the Queue

Kupfer-011813-485x273

The fact is all the milestones and events in one’s life – from when you will marry; your parnasah; children; health, the bumpiness or smoothness of your life’s journey – is min Shamayim; it is controlled and decreed by G-d. By delaying or preventing a younger child’s marriage, can parents be viewed as possibly thwarting Hashem’s will? (It might even have been necessary for a younger sibling to marry – in order for the older one to. I have heard several stories of a married sibling setting up an older unmarried sister with someone her spouse knew and suggested. Had the younger sister not married, the second shidduch would not have happened.)

Perhaps Hashem, for reasons no human can ever understand, decided that “Sarah” will marry at 28, and her sister “Leah” at 20. By not allowing Leah to date and meet her zivug, Leah may end up losing her bashert – the one Hashem meant for her to marry. After all, man is given free choice and if it is her parents’ will that children marry in order of their birth, than that G-d-given opportunity may not materialize.

I have a vague memory of speaking to someone who was rather adamant about sticking to the birth order, insisting that there was a halachic basis for that. All I know was that Yaacov had no halachic issues when he chose Rachel, the younger sister, to be his wife. It was Lavan who insisted that Yaacov marry his oldest daughter first. Should we follow the rules of a vile rashah like Lavan?

Why should kids marry according to their birth position – oldest first and down the line? In real life are siblings niftar oldest to youngest? Maybe someone marrying at 35 will enjoy 50 years of marriage, yet a sibling years younger who married at 19 will only have 25 years of wedded life because of a death. Why hold anyone back – no one knows the future.

Sadly, in the last few weeks, I have heard of young people in their 20’s and early 30’s who due to a very sudden illness, a life-threatening disease, or an accident left this world too soon. Most had very young children. Their bereft parents have the comfort of knowing the niftar(ess) left a legacy, had created worlds with each child they gave life to. What if hypothetically some had not married, or married years later than necessary because their stepping into the parsha was put on hold for an older sibling? They might have died single, or having been married a relatively short time, not leave children to survive them and be their continuation.

In today’s very difficult shidduch scene, adding another “fence” is counterproductive and unfairly jeopardizes the other children’s ability to marry.

Hashem is the ultimate matchmaker and has His master plan in terms of shidduchim and who will marry whom and when. Parents, and the older sibling in the family who wants to marry according to birth order, should, after a reasonable time, remove their man-made obstacles and let Hashem’s will take over.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “Shidduch Madness: No Jumping the Queue”

  1. Moshe Coan says:

    ZivugZone.com is a new and innovative dating website for Frum singles with a unique personality compatibility matching system. 3,600+ singles! 100% Free!

  2. how does one become a matchmaker on the site ?

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Sydney has banned the  Chabad menorah from being lit this year because of the murders in the Lindt cafe.
Sydney Darkens Hanukkah by Banning Chabad Menorah Lighting
Latest Sections Stories
book-elisha-davidson

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

book-path-for-life

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

South-Florida-logo

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

South-Florida-logo

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

Bais Toras Menachem is proud to welcome its new staff member, Yaakov Mark, who will be the Administrator as well as Ort College and GED class coordinator.

Because she is keenly aware that anti-Semitism may start with the Jews but never ends with the Jews, she makes the logical connection between the opprobrium for both America and Israel so commonplace on the political left.

In this narrative of history, it is the third world Palestinians who are victims of the marauding Jews, of course.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

Kupfer-092614-Books

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

Unpleasant happenings are quickly discarded if they do not affect us directly.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.

Make no mistake: in the wrong hands cars are weapons of mass destruction.

Where once divorce in heimische communities was relatively uncommon, nowadays every family has a son, daughter, sibling cousin who is divorced – sometimes twice or even three times!

Many go about the business of living frum, observant lives, but they are only going through the motions.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/on-our-own/shidduch-madness-no-jumping-the-queue/2013/01/17/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: