Parenting Our Children

The sweet and salty salvation of picky eaters across the lunchroom has become public enemy number one to many children. The tub of peanut butter that taught me the meaning of "industrial size," is no longer relevant in many schools.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:We are all aware of the terrible churban that recently took place in Yerushalayim's Merkaz HaRav yeshiva, where eight precious neshamas were taken from us.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:We are all aware of the terrible churban that recently took place in Yerushalayim's Merkaz HaRav yeshiva, where eight precious neshamas were taken from us.

A terribly sad version of the expression, "Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink," often comes to mind whenever I am approached by single parents (usually mothers) asking me to assist them in finding a caring, responsible adult to take their child or children (usually their son or sons) to shul on Shabbos and/or Yom Tov.

About eight years ago, I was out walking when our son Shlomie, then 16 years old, called me on my cell phone. He asked me if I heard the news. "What news?" I asked.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:As the parents of three teenage boys, we are frightened each Purim that our kids will drink heavily and, chas v'shalom, get violently ill - or worse, get hurt in a car crash.

The Torah relates how the Nessiim, the leaders of each tribe, donated the precious stones that were worn by the Kohen Gadol (High Priest) in his priestly garments, the Ephod and the Choshen.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:We have six children ranging in age from a married daughter of 22 to a son of eight. Baruch Hashem, things are well with us regarding shalom bayis, parnassah and other areas of our lives.

Our 12-year-old son is not doing well in his 7th grade local yeshiva class.We are considering moving him to another local yeshiva in mid-year, as things are rapidly deteriorating. We are not asking for specific advice, as you do not know him or us. But can you share with us what questions to ask and answers to give when making this difficult decision?Names Withheld

Our 12-year-old son is not doing well in his 7th grade local yeshiva class.We are considering moving him to another local yeshiva in mid-year, as things are rapidly deteriorating. We are not asking for specific advice, as you do not know him or us. But can you share with us what questions to ask and answers to give when making this difficult decision?Names Withheld

Our 12-year-old son is not doing well in his 7th grade local yeshiva class.We are considering moving him to another local yeshiva in mid-year, as things are rapidly deteriorating. We are not asking for specific advice, as you do not know him or us. But can you share with us what questions to ask and answers to give when making this difficult decision?Names Withheld

Our 12-year-old son is not doing well in his 7th grade local yeshiva class.We are considering moving him to another local yeshiva in mid-year, as things are rapidly deteriorating. We are not asking for specific advice, as you do not know him or us. But can you share with us what questions to ask and answers to give when making this difficult decision?Names Withheld

The brothers of Yosef referred to him as the "The Dreamer" (Beraishis 37:19). And, while the brothers seemed to have used the title in a disparaging manner, Yosef's life was, in fact, inextricably tied to dreams.

As Yaakov makes his way back to the land of Canaan, several events - spanning the full range of emotions - transpire in rapid succession.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:Our eldest child is in 10th grade at a local Bais Yaakov. She is doing well in school and is generally well-behaved at home. However, over the past year or so, everything we tell or ask her becomes a full-scale negotiating session. It doesn't make a difference what the issue is - curfew, when to do her homework, when to clean her room, etc. It is draining our energy and eroding our relationship with her. Here are our questions:1. Is this normal?2. Isn't it disrespectful for children to challenge their parents like this? Neither of us thinks we did this to our parents.3. Do you have any practical suggestions for us?Names Withheld

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:Our eldest child is in 10th grade at a local Bais Yaakov. She is doing well in school and is generally well behaved at home. However, over the past year or so, everything we tell her or ask her becomes a full-scale negotiating session. It doesn't make a difference what the issue is - curfew, when to do her homework, when to clean her room, etc. It is draining our energy and eroding our relationship with her.Here are our questions:1. Is this normal?2. Isn't it disrespectful for children to challenge their parents like this? Neither of us thinks we did this to our parents.3. Do you have any practical suggestions for us?Names Withheld

One of the techniques I have found most helpful when mediating disputes between rebellious adolescents and their parents is to give the teenager six or eight index cards, and ask him or her to jot down a request or concession that he or she would like his parents to grant.

Rabbi Horowitz: We have very different views on the issue of having guests over for Shabbat meals.

Rabbi Horowitz: My daughter has confided in me that one of her friends is cutting herself, and she is concerned that her friend may really hurt herself - or worse, chas v'shalom. She made me promise not to tell anyone.

This column usually focuses on the issue of teens at risk and finding ways families can become closer to their children. This week, I turn my attention to one of the most important stages before parenthood: the critical period when couples are engaged.

Dear Mommy and Daddy: Imagine how you would feel if you were told that, two years from today, our entire family would need to relocate to a different part of the country.

Had I been told a year ago that in a short amount of time my husband and I would have all of our children living with us under one roof, I would have thought it was a joke. Although my husband and I had been working toward this goal for all the years of our marriage, with each passing year it seemed less and less of a possibility.

You see a small plastic bottle of Visine or other brands of eye drops in the room of your teen son or daughter. He/she seems to have lingering colds and reddish eyes. You must have misplaced some cash in the house (several times, in fact) over the past few months. Your adolescent son or daughter begs off family simchahs, and his/her last report card was a disaster. Obviously, any one or two of these factors could be completely harmless. But in the aggregate, they are often signs of impending substance abuse issues. Parents of at-risk adolescents need to become more knowledgeable about these symptoms.

Imagine going for a walk one winter morning and finding your neighbor sitting in his car vigorously turning the steering wheel while the engine is shut off. When you ask him why he doesn't start the car, he responds that his battery died, and he will soon get jumper cables to give it a boost. However, before he does that, he would like to turn the front wheels away from the curb so that he can instantly be able to pull out of the parking space once his automobile starts.

Recently, my two children from my first marriage visited with their father after three and-a-half years of not seeing him. Even though I was faced with some opposition from friends and relatives that lived through my divorce and its aftermath with me, I actually supported the idea.