Marriage and Relationships

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"I know people mean well... but..."

Feeling like a prisoner, I went along with a shidduch she wanted for me. Baruch Hashem, the girl was sweet and beloved. But I held out hope that after the wedding I'd be able to ask my wife to gradually change. I knew this could cause problems, but I was hopeful. Sadly, after 12 years of marriage and six children, my situation is the same; my wife is unwilling to change. As a matter of fact, contrary to what I had hoped for, the opposite is happening: my wife wants me to change. She says that I am too modern and should become more frum.

They see these sites and all the other avenues available on the web as part of a fantasy world and convince themselves that they will not be held accountable for their actio

Try hard not to overwhelm your kids when you talk to them or make them feel bad about their behavior.

We never really know what other people are enduring. Life is so challenging. People often evaluate situations based on what they see, which is often not the whole picture.

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Whenever I speak at a shul or event I’m usually asked what I think are the vital aspects of good communication, and by implication, what makes for bad communication.

Question: A few years ago I was forced to go back to work when my husband lost his job. Baruch Hashem I have become very successful in my field, one that is largely male. While my husband is now working as well, it has become clear that my job is the priority - I make almost triple his salary and there's potential for much more. I never intended to be away from my kids, but am not upset that I had to go to work.

This therapist kept focusing on how "I could do better," never on how we could make the marriage work.

I though it was showing weakness to ask for help. So, I never asked for help and no one offered any.

In reality, though, you need to marry against your negative imago... It is very difficult for people with a negative imago to marry against their imago.

Cindy is 43, successful, attractive, a dedicated mom, extremely caring... and she hates herself. She doesn't readily admit this, but spend a minute inside her head and you’ll discover the resounding messages revolving around negative rants – everything from "I failed" to "I should've done better." You wouldn't know it from her behavior. She's a high functioning, regular member of society.

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The following was a letter sent as a response to the article, "Children of Shame" (02-04-2011). The article addressed the fact that children learn at a very young age to disconnect their feelings as a mechanism to end their feelings of shame. As these children become adults, they find it difficult to reconnect those out of fear that once again they will feel the pain of shame.

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It is important to validate your daughter’s feelings and tell her that this behavior was unacceptable.

Keeping a journal has also been found to be helpful in remediating homesickness. When writing, it’s important that your daughter focus on the positive and all of the fun that she is experiencing.

Crying is the body’s natural way of releasing painful emotions and then healing.

They accuse you of being a fat girl masquerading in a skinny girl’s body. While this is clearly ludicrous, the hurt and stigma are very real. You are thin. Isn’t that what they want?

My wife comes from a dysfunctional home where her mother always put her father down.

It is possible that this couple is not meant for one another. It’s possible that they will be better off going their own ways and finding different matches. It’s possible that their son knows absolutely that his feelings will never change.

If you would like to know if your marriage is relationship centered or not, the way to find out is to ask yourself about your core values. For example, what is the most important principle of your marriage? Is it your desire for money or pleasure? Do you dream about being comfortable, being honored by your spouse and having a lot of fun?

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About a month ago, we began the Passover Seder by asking “the four questions,” which led to a narrative explaining how the Jewish people were freed from Egypt. We are now in the midst of a forty-nine day process of spiritual growth in which we prepare ourselves to receive the Torah.

After an enlightening conversation about your respective Covid beliefs, you worry that you have unearthed a divide too big to bridge...

I once heard a story about a single man struggling to find a spouse. His main challenge was his insistence that a potential mate permanently welcome his widowed mother into their marital home. A friend suggested that he speak with the great authority, Harav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt’l. The man shared with the Rav his delicate predicament. The Rav validated the man’s approach as acceptable. Sometime later, the man met his bashert, the special woman willing to live with his mom. They returned to Rav Shlomo Zalman for his blessing. Surprisingly, the Rav called the man aside and told him that they cannot live with his mother anymore. The young man was shocked. After all, on the previous visit, the Rav had supported his desire to find a woman who would accept their living with his mother.

Make sure you get outside daily. Yes it is hard to get out and there are a lot of restrictions, but getting fresh air daily can help keep depressing thoughts at bay.

In your situation, you sound like a person who wants to do chesed but you are stuck in a situation where you are dealing with a very complicated, needy person.

I am a 27-year-old married woman with three children. I love my husband but I’m very nervous about where our marriage is headed. The reason why I am nervous is not because we don’t care about each other, but in my heart I fear that he’s not really frum.