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May 4, 2016 / 26 Nisan, 5776

Posts Tagged ‘dr’

Dear Dr. Yael

Friday, April 15th, 2016

Dear Dr. Respler:

I am a middle-aged woman who until recently was of average weight and reasonably attractive. Then I went through menopause and gained about 50 lbs. I am trying to lose the weight, but it is very difficult for me. I have a good marriage, we are well-off and have a beautiful family. Two of our children are happily married and we have several grandchildren. I am a very successful professional and make a good salary.

And yet, I don’t understand people. Whenever I go to a simcha or even when I go shopping, I bump into women who ask, “What happened to you? Why did you get so fat? I have a great diet that can help you!”

I am mortified, Dr. Respler. Do they think that I am stupid? I know that I got fat and I know what I have to do. All they do is hurt my feelings and make me want to hide.   Baruch Hashem, the people I work with never say anything to me.

I love your column and I thought you might be able to help here as well.

Please, Dr. Respler, tell people to mind their own business. If someone has a medical issue or a weight issue, believe me she is trying to deal with it. I have a friend who has tremors in her hands due to a medical condition and she is going crazy from everyone’s “helpful advice” and nosy questions. Trust me, my friend consults with the best physicians and does everything possible to ameliorate her situation.

Are people trying to be helpful or do they want to make us feel inadequate? I have always been perceived as a strong, happy and successful person and I am beginning to feel that others enjoy making me feel vulnerable. I look forward to your response and welcome any advice you can give me.

A Fan


Dear Fan,

Honestly, there are many reasons why people say painful things to others. There are people who feel inadequate and make themselves feel better by putting others down. Although the things these people say are painful, the recipients of these comments should remember where it is coming from and try to ignore them.

Other individuals say painful things because they do not think before they speak. I know that there are those who mean well and truly want to help others; however, offending a person is not helpful and could be damaging.

I heard a wonderful piece of advice: “Do not complain and do not explain!” In reality, people do not enjoy hearing others complain and will try to avoid those who do. At the same time, we do not owe anyone explanations about what we do in our lives or about the problems or challenges we face. Thus, your weight gain is not anyone’s business and you do not owe other people an explanation, just as your friend does not owe anyone an explanation for her tremors.

Please, dear readers, be sensitive to others and think before you speak!

Don’t ask people if they are pregnant; they will tell you when they want you to know.

Certainly, do not tell people they have gained weight – they know; please have some seichel! Even with your own children and in-law children, you need to be aware of what you are saying and try not to be critical. I know many parents feel that if they do not say things to their children, then who will? Nevertheless, would you want to be close to a parent who always points out your faults? Think ten times before insulting/criticizing your children and then, if you really feel you need to intervene, say your piece in a loving and positive manner.

Dr. Yael Respler

My Week in Israel with Dr. Oz

Monday, August 5th, 2013

Everything over the past week was memorable and magical as Dr. Mehmet Oz, America’s foremost daytime TV host and the world’s most famous doctor, toured Israel. From dancing the horah outside the Tomb of the Patriarchs in Hebron, to dancing Friday night at the Western Wall with Israeli soldiers and thousands of worshippers, to meeting with Prime Minister Netanyahu for ninety minutes of substantive conversation about Israel, Turkey, and the United States, Dr. Oz and his family showed the Jewish state extravagant love and admiration.

Mehmet is a remarkable man and seeing him up close reinforced the high regard in which I have always held him, ever since we started working together for Oprah at her radio network. First there was his attention to his children, all four of whom accompanied him, along with his son-in-law. Mehmet would go nowhere without them and pulled them in to hear every last explanation about Israel’s ancient and modern history.

Then there is his dedication to his wife Lisa, a remarkable and brilliant woman in her own right, and vastly knowledgeable of the Bible. Lisa was correcting me constantly on Biblical quotations (I purposely got them wrong so she could feel superior). Mehmet is a man who honors his wife at every opportunity.

Of course, there were the legions of fans – Jews and Arabs in every part of Israel – that pleaded for a picture and he turned noone down.

But more than anything else there was his attachment to the Jewish people on display at every moment. Mehmet is a Muslim, perhaps the world’s most famous Muslim who is not a head of state. He is a righteous and proud Ambassador of his faith and feels an innate kinship and brotherhood with the Jewish people.

He praised Israel constantly, from lauding its treatment of its minority citizens at our joint lecture at Rambam hospital in Haifa, to noting Israel’s phenomenal medical breakthroughs at several news conferences, to highlighting his amazement at Israel’s capacity to turn deserts into thriving cities.

In Hebron, at the tomb of the patriarchs, we prayed together publicly for peace and understanding between the children of Abraham. At the tomb of Maimonides we noted the role reversal. Maimonides, a Jew, was the world’s most famous physician, and he served the Muslim ruler Saladin. Now, a Muslim doctor – the world’s most famous – was visiting his Jewish brothers in the Holy land 900 years later.

Joined with Natan Sharasnky at the Jerusalem Press Club for a public discussion, the three of us debated whether there was an obligation to hate evil. Mehmet maintained that hatred harmed he who harbored it, even for the best of reasons. On this Sharasnky and I disagreed. Natan spoke of the evil he encountered in the KGB. I spoke of Hamas’ genocidal covenant and Hezbollah’s commitment to annihilating Israel. Terrorists deserved our contempt. Only by truly hating evil are we prepared to fight it. In the end we compromised in agreeing that hating evil should not be obsessive and internal but rather externally directed at neutralizing those who slaughter God’s innocent children, whoever they may be.

As I walked Dr. Oz and his family through the old city of Jerusalem on Friday night, we passed through Zion gate, still riddled with bullet holes from the heavy fighting of 1967 that liberated the city. At Shabbat dinner at the home of Simon and Chana Falic, my friend Ron Dermer, Israel’s newly appointed Ambassador to the United States, explained to Mehmet that even after Israel conquered the Temple Mount in the Six Day War it left control of Judaism’s holiest site to the Muslim waqf and that such an action had no precedent in all human history. Ron said that there could no greater illustration of Israel’s desire to respect its Muslim citizens and seek peace.

At the Christian holy sites, like the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem and Church of the Annunciation in Nazareth, and Muslim Holy Sites like the Dome of the Rock and the vast Muslim crowds that filled mosques for Ramadan, Dr. Oz saw first hand how Israel is a country of thriving religious liberty.

But the highlight of the visit was the conversation with Prime Minister Netanyahu where Ambassador Dermer joined Mehmet and me as we heard the Israeli leader deeply engage Mehmet about Israel’s search for peace and the challenges it faces with the destabilization of Syria and Egypt on the one hand, and the changes in its relationship with Turkey, on the other.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/columns/america-rabbi-shmuley-boteach/my-week-in-israel-with-dr-oz/2013/08/05/

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