Reframing

Posted on: October 14th, 2010

Over the past few months we have discussed many of the major ways in which we can understand what makes a teenager tick. Now let's put all the pieces together and work towards restarting the relationship between you and your teenager.

Grown Up And Still Struggling: Journal Of An Adult With Attention Deficit Disorder

Posted on: October 14th, 2010

I sometimes encourage the people I work with to keep a record of their progress. But when one client told me that she had actually started a journal shortly before she began seeing me, I was very pleased. I asked her to allow me to publish the entries that pertain to ADD, so that people in the community can identify themselves and learn from the coping techniques that helped her.

The Price Of Nice

Posted on: October 6th, 2010

Kindness is such an essential Jewish trait that we are told to suspect that a cruel person is not really Jewish. The media constantly uplifts us with inspirational stories about saintly people who radiated love to their fellowman and did their utmost to avoid hurting others. Yet we are also told, "Those who are kind to the cruel will eventually be cruel to the kind" (Koheles Raba 7:16). It is not a kindness to allow ourselves to be abused, exploited or manipulated. By not taking protective action when possible, we encourage destructive behavior. The following stories are examples of naïve and trusting people who paid a heavy price for being overly "nice."

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 10/07/10

Posted on: October 6th, 2010

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Connect To Love

Posted on: September 29th, 2010

Question: My husband and I have been married 14 years, have 6 children, each one in a yeshiva and are so overwhelmed. Between shuttling the kids and homework, I feel like my marriage is non-existent. My husband tells me it's normal at this stage in our life but my mother tells me to do something about it. Where do I begin?

Moshe Drops Out of School

Posted on: September 28th, 2010

A few years ago, a couple, Sarah and Joseph, came to see me about their son Moshe, sixteen, who was experiencing extreme difficulty in school. Moshe did not have any serious learning problems. In fact, he was exceptionally bright and capable of succeeding in school. His problem was that he was frequently missing class. Recently he had started leaving school and spending time in an unknown location. Moshe's parents were naturally concerned for his future.

Cinderella – The Story Behind The Story

Posted on: September 28th, 2010

Ever since I become a stepmother I have not been able to stop this nagging feeling that there just may be more to the story of Cinderella. The well-known fairy tale of the forlorn, young, beautiful girl stuck in an oppressive home as the maidservant to her stepmother and stepsisters after her father's death somehow left me yearning for more details. There must be missing chapters somewhere or perhaps the story has only been told from the perspective of Cinderella and her perceptions during a grief stricken time in her life.

Say Goodbye to Painfully Shy: The Rationale for Shidduch Coaching

Posted on: September 21st, 2010

Lately, Yocheved has been waking up at night worrying about her daughter, Shevi. Shevi is pursuing a degree in speech therapy. Yocheved knows that Shevi has always been an A student and that she will succeed in all academic areas. She is already doing great work with stroke victims as they attempt to gain back their speech. Shevi's teachers report to Yocheved that all of the people she works with immediately take to her, pushing themselves to work harder because they want to impress her. So, why does Shevi have so much trouble going on dates?

The Most Important Things In Life Are Invisible

Posted on: September 21st, 2010

In today's world of mounting pressures and continuous change, we need to take a few minutes to reset our perspectives and figure out what matters most.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 9/24/10

Posted on: September 21st, 2010

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Communicating Effectively (Part IV)

Posted on: September 16th, 2010

Toxic Language Tishrei — and the yom tov pattern returns! Of which pattern am I speaking, you ask? If we were to identify the main aspects of each of the holidays during this month, generally speaking, and in rather simplistic behavioral terms, the pattern of the night and following day might look something along the [...]

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 9/17/10

Posted on: September 16th, 2010

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Domestic Abuse In The Frum Community

Posted on: September 8th, 2010

As the coordinator of the Domestic Abuse Program at OHEL for the past 10 years, I have seen many very special women come forward with their painful stories. I am proud to say that our program has made a significant difference in the lives of these courageous women.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 9/10/10

Posted on: September 7th, 2010

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Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 9/03/10

Posted on: September 1st, 2010

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There Is Nothing New Under The Sun – Or Is There?

Posted on: September 1st, 2010

From Ecclesiastes we learn the expression "there is nothing new under the sun" and when you read history you see how true this is. From cults to politics it seems as if nothing is really ever new. That also includes technology. While a certain invention or discovery can be classified as new, we often find it in nature much earlier. Arctic fish used anti-freeze in their bloodstreams long before people put it in their cars. There are airplanes, but birds flew much earlier; there are satellites, but the moon was there earlier. Whales are better than submarines and as for nuclear fusion; the sun and stars had that worked out long before we did.

Parents At Risk, Teens At Risk

Posted on: September 1st, 2010

When parents come to talk to me about a troubled teenager, I often find it helpful to explore whether or not their marriage is causing their teenager to be at risk.

Connect To Love

Posted on: September 1st, 2010

Dear Gary, I have begun dating someone who I like very much. However, there is one issue that has raised a red flag. He talks about his mother a lot - in a good way. They have a very close relationship. However, some of my girlfriends (one who is married and does not get along with her mother-in-law) told me to beware of marrying a "Momma's boy" because then you're marrying his mother. Is this a real concern when dating? Concerned

When They’re Least Lovable

Posted on: August 25th, 2010

"I can't take it anymore!" "What happened? Is the baby teething again? You're exhausted." my husband asked, trying to read my thoughts, over the phone.

Our Son Wants To Leave Yeshiva

Posted on: August 25th, 2010

Dear Rabbi Horowitz: We were taken aback when our 18-year-old son just called us from Eretz Yisrael (we live in Europe) and told us that he was coming home and wants to immediately go to work. He said that he is wasting his time in yeshiva, and just can't take it anymore. He said that he will "run away from home" if we don't allow him to go to work.