Being Enmeshed: Insights Into Concurrently Holding On And Letting Go

I once heard a story about a single man struggling to find a spouse. His main challenge was his insistence that a potential mate permanently welcome his widowed mother into their marital home. A friend suggested that he speak with the great authority, Harav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt’l. The man shared with the Rav his delicate predicament. The Rav validated the man’s approach as acceptable. Sometime later, the man met his bashert, the special woman willing to live with his mom. They returned to Rav Shlomo Zalman for his blessing. Surprisingly, the Rav called the man aside and told him that they cannot live with his mother anymore. The young man was shocked. After all, on the previous visit, the Rav had supported his desire to find a woman who would accept their living with his mother.

Academic And Social Skills Insights #17

For many people, bad habits fill specific needs. For instance, nail biting relieves anxiety and procrastination simulates relaxation.

The Bum Class

When Rov Pam, a"h, gave me the go ahead to do Pre-Marital counseling, I knew in time I would add more topics to my...

Behaviors That Push Away Peers

Deep down Chaim is miserable and his parents are at their wits’ end.

Sem Girls and Alcohol – A True Story

Should I speak to the girls? Find out their contact information and call their parents?

The Need For Sensitivity In The Shidduch Process

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Is There A Language Of Friendship?

Many times, people might have the ability to make friends, but fail to maintain them because they lack the skills to translate the subtleties of language.

Improving A Child’s Derech Eretz

Dear Dr. Yael: I have five children, and am struggling with my oldest son. He can be so good at times, but then he will...

How We Learn

Each part of the brain does its own job and together they generate a coherent whole.

Dear Dr. Yael

It is important to be respectful and assertive. You can respectfully share your wants and feelings while considering your spouse’s wants and feelings as well.

Dear Dr. Yael

As the caregiver, you must not fall into the trap of not caring for yourself. You do not want to get sick yourself emotionally or physically.

Changing Families

Dear Mordechai, My wife has read your articles and books. It sounds so nice to be able to put one’s marriage first. But let’s be real. I have a job, kids, minyanim to catch and daf yomi shiurim to attend. My wife and I are stressed over money. Who isn’t? Don’t you think you’re causing unrealistic expectations for marriages when you say, “put your marriage first?” How much can I work at my marriage when everything else is going on? Shouldn’t the work in my life be what I’m supposed to be doing, namely to make my marriage financially viable? Maybe there are times in a marriage that you shouldn’t expect to be so “in love.” My marriage won’t be happy if I’m broke.

Mother, May I?

You no longer want to be bogged down by the minutiae that we sometimes focus on in shidduchim, yet your mother doesn’t seem to agree.

‘Bet ‘ya can’t make me!’ – The Impact Of External Control (Part II)

In Part I, a distinction was made between two relationship methodologies, both of which are discussed in Dr. William Glasser's book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. Glasser compares the use of External Control Psychology (i.e., manipulate, punish, criticize, blame, nag, and even reward) to Choice Theory, an empowering model based on an internal system of values, upgrading one's character traits and allowing natural consequences to "police" behaviors.

Academic And Social Skills Insights #14

Get to know the employer. If you learn about the company or the person who will employ you, you will be showing a sincere interest in the job.

Not A Dirty Word

Sacrifice is the backbone of our souls. It indicates self-regulation for a higher purpose.

But What Will People Think?

We forget to look in the mirror to acknowledge our beauty and successes, and instead, open every window to let in our failures and disappointments.

Decoding Sensory Processing Disorder

There is always a lot of confusion surrounding sensory processing disorder – mainly because there are many different diagnoses that fall under the catch-all phrase sensory processing disorder (SPD). Among them are three specific subcategories:

What Happened To You?

Our experiences quite literally shape us – and more specifically – shape our brains. That means that we will each see the world in a unique way because of the way that our previous experiences have shaped our brains.

What Were They Thinking?

Sometimes you just have to wonder, "What were they thinking?" My wife and I speak on marriage-related topics to variant crowds. We know what we're going to say, but we have no idea what the audience may offer. So, when we speak publicly, before we open the floor to comments or questions (which we welcome), we always preface with a cautionary word not to make any personal or disparaging remarks about one's spouse.

When Friendships Don’t Just Happen

If your child is struggling with these skills, it might be helpful to seek social skills training.

Gain Discipline, Gain Time

According to many, self-discipline is the single most important factor in determining a person's overall success.

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Printed from: https://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-130/2008/12/31/

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