Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I don’t know if you can help me since my issue deals with legality and the interpretation of Jewish law, but I cannot rest until I have settled my affairs and that time is drawing near. Everyone I have spoken to has expressed different opinions. Unfortunately, none of them give me any comfort or validation.
My beloved wife passed away fifteen years ago and it made me realize that I needed to make a will.
After our marriage, my wife and I started a moving company and it grew from one truck to a fleet of forty trucks, over fifty employees and cross-country clients. We had a sterling reputation for clean and dependable work, honest and competitive rates and courteous service and we prospered.
As our children came (we had six sons), my wife worked at home as the company bookkeeper and to raise our boys. They grew up in a home filled with love, support and encouragement, laughter and happy noise. But something happened when our oldest son came back from out of state college. He was always the comedian in the family and his brothers adored him. When he came home he was withdrawn, morose and argumentative. He would often provoke his brothers into fistfights that left my wife in tears. At other times, he would hole up in his room to be away from us. We were all actually overjoyed and relieved when he went back to college.
It would be ten years before we saw him again. During that time he married a non-Jewish girl. Our lives were never quite the same after this; it was like a huge hole had been torn in the fabric of our family. I could see a light go out in my wife’s eyes and she was never the same.
Fast-forward many years. Two of my sons went to live in Israel and married wonderful girls. The other three boys also married fine women and came into the family business as partners.
As I said, some time after my wife passed away, I went about preparing a will and decided that I wanted to divide my estate into five equal shares, in essence completely disinheriting my oldest son, whom I haven’t seen or heard from in over twenty-five years. As far as I was concerned, he was out of our lives.
The attorney said there was no problem in the way I chose to distribute my estate legally, but he did foresee an issue with it halachically. Even though I’m sure he will never come back, I have recorded my wish to cut him out of my will and divide it amongst my five devoted sons. My question to you is, should this oldest son desire to make trouble after I am gone and take his brothers to Bais Din to get his share, can the rabbis rule in his favor even though I forbid it?
Dear Friend,
So much pain. There are so many ways to lose a child and all are equally as devastating as a physical death. We mourn the physical absence of that child and go through a mental and emotional “shiva” and mourning that lasts forever, even after the initial pain and heartbreak subside. But something else seems to be present in your description and it is a feeling of anger and hate towards your first-born. So much so that you would erase his existence and discount his share of the yerusha. I truly understand how you must feel; I also respect your decision as to how you want to distribute your estate. If your attorney sees no issue with your wishes from a legal standpoint, then you have nothing to worry about.
Seeing as you’re your oldest son is no longer religious, and you assume that he has not and will not return, this may also indicate that your worry is for naught. However, it is recommended that you discuss this with a rav and see if there is a way to halachically write him out of your will.
My wish to you is that you live to the ripe old age of one hundred and twenty and see much nachas from your children and grandchildren.
