Violent demonstrations broke out in front of Apple stores all over the world when furious Zionists found out that the Apple Maps app on its new iOS 6 operating system does not show any capital for the State of Israel.

“It’s outrageous,” said one who called himself ‘Moshe’, as he heaved a brick at the stylish store in Manhattan. “Ya tapuchim bnei zonot,” he shouted, running from police officers. Others poured gasoline on a huge effigy of an iPad and set it alight while singing hatikvah.

When it became clear that not only was there no capital shown on the map of Israel, but that World Clock listed ‘Jerusalem’ without any country — the only city so listed — the fury reached a fever pitch, with Apple ‘geniuses’ running for their lives as mobs of enraged Jews broke into the stores, waving signs calling for the beheading of CEO Tim Cook and the reversal of the verdict in the Samsung patent suit.

“You can’t insult Zionism and get away with it,” said one rioter at Apple HQ in Cupertino, wearing a ski mask underneath his kippa. “We’re all Android users now!”

*** In case you are reading this in an Arab country and miss the satirical intent, I’ll make it clear that there were in reality no Zionist riots, despite the fact that Apple seems to be taking the position that the Jewish homeland has no capital, and that Jerusalem is located on Mars. We will give Apple a few days to fix this clearly inadvertent bug in its new software, and to apologize. I’m sure they will.

Visit Fresno Zionism.

A US Jury found Samsung guilty of patent infringement of key features of Apple’s iOS, iPhone and iPad. The jury awarded Apple over $1 Billion dollars for damages ($1,049,393,540 to be exact). While in the issue of Samsung’s claims against Apple, Samsung was awarded nothing.

The Jury deliberated for less than three days on and decided that Samsung infringed on six out Apple’s seven patent claims, while Apple had infinged on none of Samsung’s five patent claims.

Apple is now seeking an injunction against Samung, while Samsung will be appealing the ruling.

Apple and Samsung both released statements in response to the court’s decision:

Apple:

We are grateful to the jury for their service and for investing the time to listen to our story and we were thrilled to be able to finally tell it. The mountain of evidence presented during the trail showed that Samsung’s copying went far deeper than even we knew. The lawsuits between Apple and Samsung were about much more than patents or money. They were about values. At Apple, we value originality and innovation and pour our lives into making the best products on earth. We make these products to delight our customers, not for our competitors to flagrantly copy. We applaud the court for finding Samsung’s behavior willful and for sending a loud and clear message that stealing isn’t right.

Samsung:

Today’s verdict should not be viewed as a win for Apple, but as a loss for the American consumer. It will lead to fewer choices, less innovation, and potentially higher prices. It is unfortunate that patent law can be manipulated to give one company a monopoly over rectangles with rounded corners, or technology that is being improved every day by Samsung and other companies. Consumers have the right to choices, and they know what they are buying when they purchase Samsung products. This is not the final word in this case or in battles being waged in courts and tribunals around the world, some of which have already rejected many of Apple’s claims. Samsung will continue to innovate and offer choices for the consumer.

A European rabbinical group is protesting a mobile app of the notorious anti-Semitic text “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.”

Rabbi Pinchas Goldschmidt, president of the Brussels-based Conference of European Rabbis, said in a statement Tuesday that he would contact Apple to urge that the company remove the app. JTA’s calls to Apple were not immediately answered.

The app, which was released earlier this year, is available only in Arabic and is attributed to the software developer Ahmed Elserety.

It costs $1.08 to download and is accompanied by a compact description of the “Protocols” stating that “according to many historians, these writings are a hoax.” The text describes a supposed Jewish plot to control the world.

The app notes a 1921 investigation by the Times of London and a series of French articles describing how the fraud was perpetrated.

Still, Goldschmidt said, it is unacceptable to have such an app on the market.

Goldschmidt believes it is “the first mobile version of the famous anti-Semitic work,” which was first published in Russia in the early 20th century.

“Although the Protocols of the Elders of Zion can and should be available for academics to study in its proper context, to disseminate such hateful invective as a mobile app is dangerous and inexcusable,” he said, warning that it could be “used by anti-Semitic conspiracy theorists and their fellow travelers to pursue their
racist agenda.”

In the next few weeks, Apple’s new Israeli research and development center will launch a major hiring campaign, according to a report in Ynet.  New employees will work for Anobit, which Apple purchased for $490 million in December 2011.  Dozens of workers are expected to be picked out of the hundreds who will vie for positions.

Job listings will be posted on Apple’s company website.

This July 2, 2011 cartoon, by Ad-Dustur, was headlined: “Apple Bows to Israeli Pressure and Removes the Palestinian Intifada Website.” The argument against Apple wasn’t so outrageous, free speech and all, but the choice to go with a Jew (further identified by the star of David on the hat) was just unnecessarily nasty.

I’m not sure the iHemingway solution is the funniest idea I’ve come up with, and I welcome better ones. Still, there’s something wonderfully silly about the brave Ernest Hemingway dealing with the Apple revolution the only way he would have: directly and with a lot of teeth.

Totally open for other ideas, though.

Source: ADL Arab Media Review

"Apple Bows to Israeli Pressure and Removes the Palestinian Intifada Website."

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Welcome to the Jewish Press Online Cartoon Rehabilitation Project (JPOCRP), or, in short (suggested by our colleague Rafi Harkham) Cartoon Rehab.

We collect the most obscene, terrifying, anti-Semitic cartoons from the Arab world, and make them nice. It’s a harsh process, requiring long sessions of Photoshop treatment and a minimum of 90 meetings in 90 days at Antisemitic Anonymous, but in the end it is well worth the effort. Cartoons come in with the obvious effects of the Antisemitism scourge, unshaven, bleary eyed, fangs exposed, noses hooked, and they come out clean and fluffy.

Please send us your own Photoshop efforts in rehabilitating Arab cartoons. We’ll publish those we deem appropriate enough (don’t worry, our standards are not so high). You can also send us wayward cartoons you found lurking online – as long as they come from the Arab world.

We have a special interest in beautifying this region which has so long been suffering from rampant addiction to Antisemitism. Help us do our little bit for Tikun Olam.

After weeks of negotiations, computer mega-giant Apple has acquired its first Israeli company, Anobit Technologies, for $390 million.

Anobit, based in Herzliya, will develop high-performance flash-memory drive components for Apple’s ubiquitous iPhone and iPad.  The agreement was signed on January 6 and confirmed by Apple spokesman Steve Dowling on January 10.

Apple is also cultivating plans to open a semiconductor development center in Israel, a plan which is unrelated to the Anobit acquisition.

While the Anobit purchase is Apple’s first foray into the Israeli market, competitors Microsoft, Intel, and Hewlett-Packard already have labs and development centers in the country.  Intel opened its doors in Israel with five employees in 1974, according to Bloomberg business news, and now has 6,600 personnel in the country.  Microsoft’s Israeli research and development center opened in the spring of 2006.

Bloomberg reported that Israel has 60 companies featured on the Nasdaq Stock Market, the most of any country outside North America with the exception of China.  It is also home to the most startups per capita of any country in the world.

Israeli companies have been featured in several major international deals recently, including the sale of Israeli chip developer Zoran to the British makers of chips for Nokia Oyj mobile phones and the $307 million acquisition of Tel Aviv information technology firm Ness Technologies by Citi Venture Capital International.

Computer and software giant Apple has begun searching for office space for its first technology development center outside of Cupertino, California  – in Israel.

Real estate companies hired by Apple are on the lookout for 2,500 square feet for Apple’s first research and development facility outside the United States, which will employ 200 staff members. In 2010, Apple spent $2.4 billion on R&D, all in Cupertino, just 2 percent of its annual revenue.

Israel’s reputation as a hub for technology development will be bolstered by the company’s arrival, though powerhouses Microsoft and Intel have already been in country for more than a decade.

Apple is also poised to acquire Israeli chipmaker Anobit, a developer of flash memory for smartphones, tablet computers, and multimedia players.  The deal is expected to be worth $400-$500 million.

For my new book, Connect to Love, the Keys to Transforming Your Relationship, I studied over 500 women throughout the world, discussing with them their deep emotions and genuine perspectives on relationships. As with my previous research with men, there were many surprises. However, I know have a better understanding of the significant areas that couples can focus on to make their relationship better in a short period of time. My research showed that more women cheated than people think. This is probably because 62% of the cheating women said they didn’t tell the truth to their husbands. But equally astounding was that 51% of faithful women admitted that they were seriously considering divorce. Only 30% of women said they were happily married.

Understanding that this research was not conducted with a frum or exclusively Jewish group, we can still learn a great deal from the honest stories and assessments of women from all walks of life. I am always interested in using my research to find the clearest path to marital satisfaction. Everyone has good advice but I wanted to be able to prove to the best of my ability, the few things that would make the greatest change so that you’d spend your time and energy wisely. Here are some of those crucial issues:

Time: The majority of satisfied women reported spending a daily average of over 30 minutes of uninterrupted time talking to their husbands (22% said they spent over 60 minutes a day) whereas the majority of unhappy women spent less than 30 minutes (23% of them said they spent less than 5 minutes a day). This makes sense; we can talk until we’re blue in the face about better communication skills and understanding but let’s face it, if there’s no time to consistently connect, all of the rest doesn’t matter.

If there is one thing you can do to make your marriage better, create this 30-minute period – on a daily basis – to chat and relax with your spouse. Shut off the phone, Blackberry and computer (I once had a wife tell me, “My husband is cheating with fruits: his Apple and Blackberry). Finding this time is complicated for most couples. Childcare and work can leave us completely exhausted. You might feel like you can’t do another thing yet alone create a 30-minute period to talk and relax with your spouse. But it’s worth it. Consider that to be successful in any area of your life, you put a great deal of time and energy into it. Your marriage is no different.

Successful couples will tell you their secret is continued focus on their love and working at finding time and energy for their marriage. Those who think that love is all you need to be happily married are in for a sad surprise. Love is the starting point, but true love finds consistent energy to keep that love vibrant.

Appreciation: The number two answer of what emotional issues make a huge difference in their happiness is being appreciated. Whenever I ask a couple to write what they appreciate about their spouse, the list is always very short. Maybe they can crank out two or three items – but the most obvious ones are usually missing. When I ask why being a great parent, worker, etc., isn’t on the list I always get the same reply, “Well, he/she is supposed to do that.” Somehow we have developed an attitude that appreciation is only for those things we don’t expect to have done. Yet, we yearn to be loved and seen as valuable people. We deserve appreciation for any effort, even for things we would do not matter. When we are appreciated, we feel valued. It’s powerful and luckily, often so easy and quick to offer. Write a list of things you appreciate about your spouse and give it to him/her. Tell and show your spouse how appreciative you are and it’ll likely come back to you immediately.

There were other crucial issues that I look forward to sharing in future columns. In addition, in my book, Connect to Love, I detail a 2-week program that will make your relationship better.

In the end, all of us want to really feel connected. When we marry, we want to know there is that one person who wants to know the real us, the deeper person. We want our spouse to see the best in us, inspire us and want to love us more and more. I hope you have the chance to review my work and please let me know your thoughts. Together we can learn a great deal about connecting to love.