web analytics
August 31, 2015 / 16 Elul, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

Lessons For Adults

Dear Rachel,

A few columns back you published a letter signed “Fortunately unscathed” (see Chronicles of Crisis, 12-28-2012) that dealt with the topic of extra-marital relationships. The author of the letter claimed to know for certain that her husband’s involvement with another woman was not in any way personal or intimate (as was insinuated by an anonymous caller) and that he was merely helping a hapless and abused woman in her time of crisis.

In her letter, Fortunately unscathed also asked if you considered it proper (or improper) for an outsider to intervene by calling the wife anonymously to let her know of her husband’s supposedly bad behavior.

In your response you made it clear that you thought people should mind their own business rather than take it upon themselves to inform husbands or wives of their supposedly unfaithful spouses. Personally, I can’t see where this would be doing anyone any favors. For instance, I know of a woman who had reason to be suspicious of her husband, had him followed and verified that he was heavily involved in an adulterous relationship.

When she confronted him, he did not deny the affair. After a lot of heartache, talking things through and going for counseling, the couple’s marriage is now on the mend.

Had this man’s unfaithfulness not come to light, this couple would never have taken the steps to get at the root of their troubled relationship.

Just my two cents

Dear Just,

It’s a shame things couldn’t be resolved without going to such lengths to bring them to light. Unfortunately, a positive outcome such as the one you cite can technically only be realized when it’s the male who has been found to stray outside the marriage. If the roles were reversed and the wife was discovered to be cheating on her husband, she would no longer be (halachically) permitted to live with him.

Dear Rachel,

I am writing in regard to the column that featured readers’ opinions on the hazards of texting (see Chronicles of Crisis, 1-22-2013). One reader happened to mention “handwritten love letters…” (comparing them with the “unromantic” means of texting). This took me back to a time in the distant past when a close friend of mine carried on quite a romantic liaison via postal mail that lasted for several months.

While there’s much to be said for the value of this antiquated mode of correspondence (the handwriting/penmanship alone could speak volumes), waiting for the mailman to show up with the coveted letter was torture. Lots of things had the chance to transpire, develop or change in the time it sometimes took for a letter to make it across the miles. At least with texting, the message is instant.

I recall when my friend once spent agonizing weeks watching for the postman to show up with a letter from her long-distance beau. Reluctantly and broken-heartedly, she finally gave up. Turned out that the letter got lost in the mail, but by the time this detail surfaced through a mutual acquaintance, my friend had already gone on with her life and settled down with someone else.

When we recently touched base, she divulged that she received “regards” from her long-ago pen pal and was tempted to call him just to “catch up” on where life has taken them all of these years later. Though I must admit to some curiosity myself, I somehow feel that she is better off not revisiting her past — at least not this sensitive part of it.

I don’t believe I’ve convinced her. Maybe you can, Rachel. She reads your column every week.

Apprehensive for my friend

Dear Apprehensive,

“Better off,” did you say? I’d say she has absolutely no business calling or contacting him in any way, shape or form. From the way you’ve described it, this was no casual relationship. Besides, there is no rationale for a married woman to initiate contact with a male acquaintance of her past.

One call is all it takes for an old romance to be rekindled, especially in light of the way the flame was left to sputter and die. A reunion of this sort can set off still-smoldering embers and has the potential to erupt in a deadly blaze. Your friend owes it to herself, her husband and her family to tell her yetzer hara to take a hike — no ifs, buts or maybes. Case closed.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
A photo of part of the ruins of ancient Palmyra during a visit by a tourist in 2007.
Palmyra’s Ancient ‘Temple of Bel’ Destroyed in New Blast
Latest Sections Stories
book-Lord-Get-Me-High

Even when our prayers are ignored and troubles confront us, Rabbi Shoff teaches that it is the same God who sent the difficulties as who answered our prayers before.

Schonfeld-logo1

I’ve put together some of the most frequently asked questions regarding bullies, friendship and learning disabilities.

book-Avi's-Choice

His parents make it clear that they feel the right thing is for Avi to visit his grandfather, but they leave it up to him.

There is a rich Jewish history in this part of the world. Now the hidden customs are being revealed, as many seek to reconnect with their roots.

There are times when a psychiatrist will over-medicate, which is why it’s important to find a psychiatrist whom you trust and feel comfortable with.

On November 22, 1963, Abraham Zapruder created one of the most famous, and valuable, pieces of film and became forever linked with one of the greatest American national tragedies when he stood with his camera on an elevated concrete abutment as President John F. Kennedy’s motorcade passed through Dealey Plaza in Dallas. Exhibited here is […]

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength – carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie ten Boom I’ve been thinking a lot about worrying. Anxiety is an issue close to my heart – […]

Don’t be afraid to try something different.

Upon meeting the Zionist delegation, General Wu, a recent convert to Christianity, said, “You are my spiritual brothers.

With the assistance of Mr. Tress, Private Moskowitz tried tirelessly to become an army chaplain.

Dr. Yael Respler is taking a well-deserved vacation this week and asked Eilon Even-Esh to share some thoughts with her readers in her stead.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-203/2013/02/07/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: