It was shortly after Israel was attacked, defended itself, and decimated its enemies in the Six Day War of 1967 that Israel banned the display of the Palestinian flag in Israel or any Israeli controlled territory. The Palestinian flag was originally designed by British Foreign Officer Sir Mark Sykes (yes, the same Sykes of the Sykes-Pichot agreement that is credited with the validation of a Jewish state in Israel). The Palestinian flag that Sykes designed was meant to be a unifying Arab flag in their revolt against the Ottoman Empire. For the 26 years the flag was banned – Israel rescinded the ban in 1993 as part of the Oslo Accords – Palestinians displayed symbols, like a watermelon, made of the same red, green, and black colors of the Palestinian flag to substitute for displaying the actual flag.
Recently, many Jews and Zionists reacted furiously at paparazzi pictures of American actress Jennifer Garner and her 18-year-old daughter Violet shopping. Violet Garner was wearing a sweatshirt with a picture of the map of Israel filled in with a picture of a watermelon. It is easy to dismiss the T-shirt as just a T-shirt, and an 18-year-old as just a teenager. But the T-shirt’s message of the entirety of Israel filled in with a Palestinian symbol, connoting the erasure of Israel, should rightfully infuriate all Zionists. It is an offensive T-shirt that demonstrates hate of Israel more than advocacy for a Palestinian state.
All Zionists can agree that the shirt’s message is offensive, but a disturbing reaction many had to the shirt was harsh criticism of Violet’s mother, the actress Jennifer. Many people claimed that a child is a reflection of their parent’s values, and if the daughter was wearing the shirt, her mother must have taught her the politics displayed on the shirt. Others criticized the mother for walking alongside her daughter and shopping with her, arguing that Violet’s mother should have refused to walk alongside her daughter as long as she wore an offensive shirt.
There were even people who condemned Garner’s parenting, alleging that Garner must be a weak mother if she couldn’t convince her daughter to switch her shirt. Many Israel activists recalled their own childhood and their parents’ refusing to allow them to leave the house with offensive clothing. They assumed that either Jennifer wasn’t a strong enough parent, or she agreed with the shirt’s message. Either way, they argued, Jennifer Garner should be ashamed of herself. These same people explained that a parent’s role is to educate, and one method of educating is refusing to walk next to your child if they are doing something wrong.
There were those who defended Jennifer Garner, explaining her daughter was an adult and her mother doesn’t choose her wardrobe, or she didn’t know her daughter’s sweatshirt actual meaning. Garner’s critics responded with many “What if…” arguments. What if her daughter had walked out with a swastika on her shirt, or a KKK sign, or an “All Lives Matter” shirt? They argued that if the shirt had been racist and not anti-Israel or antisemitic, the world would have cancelled Jennifer Garner over her daughter’s T-shirt. It’s only because the shirt was anti-Jewish that a celebrity was given a pass.
I found it humorous that one person spent enough time analyzing the situation that they assumed there could only be four possibilities to the Violet-Jennifer anti-Israel T-shirt situation. Jennifer either (1) didn’t know what the sweatshirt meant, (2) didn’t care what the sweatshirt meant, (3) agreed with the sweatshirt, or (4) doesn’t care enough about their children to teach them not to wear symbols of hate.
I found the Palestinian watermelon T-shirt offensive as well. As a parent who has raised five teenage daughters, I am aware of the challenges parents face when disagreeing with their daughter’s choice of clothing. Licensed professional counselor Leah Rockwell has written, “Adolescence is a time for [a teenager] to explore and discover their own identity while likely growing into a rapidly changing body, so how you approach a conversation about clothing needs to be sensitive and kind.” As many good parents know, taking a strict approach to one’s daughter’s clothing choice might immediately result in a wardrobe change, but will likely lead to larger issues later. Rockwell explains that many times a parent thinks they are addressing their daughter’s choice of clothing to protect her, but the daughter’s clothing may even bring up the parent’s own unresolved issues surrounding their body image, appearance, or shame.
As both a parent and an educator, I have found that it is often more beneficial to getting my message across to my children and students to not address it in the moment when emotions and tensions are high for both the teen and me, but rather to wait a day or even a week and bring up my reservations over choice, behavior, or dress when the moment has passed. This is a parenting strategy I frequently share with other parents. A good parent not only teaches their child right from wrong but does so in a manner and at a time when the message will stick.
A good rule of thumb is not to judge anyone until you’re in their shoes. We don’t know what happened in the moments before Jennifer and Violet left the house. We don’t know if Jennifer even knew what the T-shirt meant, if she talked to her daughter about it, if her daughter was suffering a mental health issue and now wasn’t the time to discuss it, or a myriad of other possibilities that parents often face with their children that causes them to be put in situations which they don’t approve of. For all we know, Jennifer had just realized what her daughter was wearing at the moment the paparazzi was showing up and was in the middle of teaching her about the Jewish rights to govern the land of Israel. When we don’t know what others are dealing with in their own lives, it’s best not to judge or criticize them until we can clarify the facts.
At a time when Israel and the pro-Israel community are facing harsh challenges that it hasn’t faced in decades, Israelis and members of the pro-Israel community must conserve their energy and choose their battles wisely. Judging celebrities over their children’s choice of clothing or activism is a questionable practice in any situation, but during this time is especially ineffective at getting the “I stand with Israel” message across. If Zionists and pro-Israel advocates want the world to understand their perspective they need to stop focusing on unimportant things like celebrity’s children’s clothing and focusing on important issues like Israel’s right to defend itself against Palestinian terrorism.
