Why, our sages ask, didn’t Jacob admonish Reuven immediately when he acted inappropriately? Why did he wait until he was about to depart this world?
The answer given is that Jacob feared that if he spoke critically to his son, Reuven would abandon his father’s home and take up residence with his evil uncle Eisav.
Today there are many Uncle Eisavs out there waiting to pounce on our children and take hold of their minds and hearts. We simply cannot afford to come down on our mature sons and daughters without adding love to discipline.
If discipline is to be effective it must be administered at a tender age when children are still pliable and their character traits are not yet fixed. Sadly, nowadays when our children are small we tend to indulge them. We overlook their impudence and regard it as cute and clever. And when they become older we wonder how they ever got to be so difficult.
So the only way for us to relate to our sons and daughters in their young adulthood is to communicate with them with genuine loving-kindness.
Young adults cannot be badgered into compliance. Time and again I have been asked what arguments I use to convince people to give up their errant ways. Truth be told, I refrain from arguments and instead harness the power of kindness and love.
As you see, gemilas chasadim is not just the vehicle by which we can reach out to strangers but also by which we can touch the hearts, minds, and souls of family members, friends, and neighbors. It is also the best way teachers can communicate with and discipline their students.
This is the derech, the way, my Jungreis family has taught and helped spread Yiddishkeit throughout the world. It was through chesed that with the help of Hashem I had the zechus, the merit, to establish Hineni and to communicate with our brethren on every continent despite language barriers.
The formula is taught by our sages: “Words that emanate from the heart must enter another heart.” It is as simple as that. Teach Torah with your heart, discipline with your heart, love with your heart – and with G-d’s help everything will fall into place.
(To be continued)