On a recent trip to California to visit my best friend, Andrew, whom I haven’t seen in 4 years, I found myself, as I often do, immersed in deep conversation with him. The topic? Human consciousness, the ego, our connection to Judaism, and our motivation to do or to not do Jewish things. Ya know, casual conversation.
I’ll privy you to the conclusion rather than keep you on pins and needles and then I’ll discuss how we arrived there. Simply, Guilt. With a capital G. My friend Andrew was explaining to me that even at the times in his life when he was most observant (he was not observant when we had this convo) that he was fueled by guilt. Where did this guilt come from? Well, he felt guilt from his parents, his community, and even from non-Jews.
This guilt led him to do Jewish things, whatever they may have been. He didn’t feel a deep and unending love for Torah or Hashem or Shabbat or kashrut or anything Jewish. But his connection to Judaism, the Jewish acts that he did, were done because he felt guilty not doing them.
Many of you may be nodding your head at this point because this is a very common feeling. Guilt is not exclusive to Judaism, nor is being moved to action due to guilt. Now, often guilt has its place. Guilt very likely is the catalyst for social change in the United States and the rest of the world. I would imagine that while there were clearly many individuals fueled by good intentions to end slavery in the 19th century or end segregation in the 20th, there were likely just as many if not more individuals who were pushed by guilt, guilt stemming from their own actions and the actions of the generations before them.
So what’s the problem? Guilt does good things, right? Well, the truth is that while guilt can do good things, guilt is unhealthy for the individual, unsustainable, and simply is not the proper motivation to facilitate change in oneself or in the world. Day school educated, an active leader in the conservative youth movement, and an employee of both the Jewish Agency for Israel and Birthright, I do not believe that World Jewry desires that its survival come from a place of self-loathing and resentment. Rather, Judaism is a faith and the Jews are a people that should be embraced through excitement, love, acceptance, tolerance, and growth. A Judaism populated with individuals filled with a love for heritage, Torah and Hashem is a Judaism that is rich, vibrant, and promising rather than a Judaism where we are paying lip-service to God, each other and ourselves because we are occupied with “What would bubbe or zeide say if I didn’t go to shul?”
So where does this guilt come from?
It is sustained by the Jews themselves. It is very common for one to hear the terms good Jew or bad Jew. These are empty, meaningless and modern ideas. Nowhere in Jewish text, Jewish tradition, or Jewish written and oral law are these terms uttered. But, in our modern world they are uttered by the Jews themselves.
A non-Jew may be speaking with his co-worker who hears that he/she is Jewish and say “Oh, you’re Jewish. So you only eat kosher?” A not uncommon response: “No, I’m a bad Jew.” This self-loathing, even in a joking manner, is a catalyst for the deterioration of one’s inner spiritual identity, and reflects the breakdown of the Jewish collective identity in the world. These terms are commonly tossed around in conversation, even amongst Jews, and even in a laughing way. But there is nothing to laugh about. These terms are a reflection of the serious and dangerous guilt that is deeply ingrained in generations of post-war Jews. These terms should be stricken from our vocabulary.
Judaism, like life, is a journey. At no time are any two people at the same place on their journey. There is no good Jew or bad Jew. There is only a Jew that is finding his/her way in the world. There are only people at different places at different times on a journey. Let us move forward in world Jewry with love and acceptance and the desire to survive by being willing to reach out and engage individuals, encouraging each of them, each of us, to connect to their heritage and their faith in whichever way is best for them.
Jewry today fails not because of the rise of secularism, nor because of intermarriage or assimilation. Rather it is these things that are themselves caused by a lack of connection. We can agree that each person is an individual, each person is different, and as such each person connects with themselves, with the world, with faith, with nature, with education, and with Judaism in their own way. To ignore that is to ignore one’s own self and to turn one’s back on the Jewish people.
If world Jewry is to survive, let us never again utter those words. Let us empower ourselves with the ability to explain that there is no good or bad when speaking of one’s identity, there is only “I am here at this moment and at this time.” At another time I was at another point and in the future I will, as well, be at another point in my life and in Judaism. Let us encourage every individual to spread this message of empathy. When we can all feel good enough, when we can all feel value in ourselves not only as humans, but as Jewish humans, that, my friends, is the moment when we will, each of us, begin to grow, begin to flourish, begin to shine. And, in turn, Judaism will grow, flourish, and shine.
Jews who are excited and who participate in their culture and faith from a place of enthusiasm and love are Jews that will enrich Judaism. Judaism will be stronger to be made up of followers that love it and love themselves.Ori Bieder
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