web analytics
August 30, 2014 / 4 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Giving Parental Advice: Is It A Good Idea?

Respler-092713

Dear Dr. Yael:

How do I express my opinion in an appropriate way?

There are some aspects of my sister’s parenting that I do not agree with, and feel that her methods in these areas are harming her children. I do not claim to be the best parent in the world, but I am confident that my instincts in my sister’s situation are correct.

For example, for many years my sister put her four-year-old son to bed at a late hour and he would not wake up for school the next day. She always had difficulty in the mornings, frustrating her. I knew that if she would put her son to bed 10 minutes earlier each night, she would eventually get him to bed at a decent hour and he would wake up earlier without difficulty.

Here’s my problem: I did not know if I should say anything to her and, if yes, what to say. My sister kept complaining to me, so eventually I bluntly said, “Why don’t you just put him to bed 10 minutes earlier each night?” At first she was annoyed with me for having given her advice, but after a few days she did as I suggested and, lo and behold, it worked.

I had very mixed feelings about what I had done. On the one hand, I saw that my sister got annoyed; on the other hand, she got over it quickly and my advice helped her and my nephew.

Recently, my sister has been talking to me about an issue she’s having with another one of her sons. He is overweight, and my sister worries about his emotional and physical wellbeing. Others are making fun of him in school because of this. I know that if my sister would completely change things in her home, making it a healthier environment, her son and all of her children would be greatly helped. But I recognize that this is a very sensitive topic, in addition to the fact that it is not easy to change eating habits.

This leaves me in a precarious situation, as I do not know what to do. While I want to help my nephew by sharing my ideas with my sister, I do not want to hurt her or get involved if she feels that it is none of my business. What would you suggest I do in this situation and in future ones?

A Loving Sister

Dear Loving Sister:

Thank you for your interesting letter. You are not alone in your dilemma as many siblings love and want to help each other but do not always know the best way to go about it. You are indeed in a precarious situation, with much depending on how – rather than what – you say.

There is definitely an art to communication. You can say almost anything if phrased correctly. For instance, in your current situation, you can try to make your point without directly telling your sister what to do.  This can be done for example, by telling your sister a story about your friend’s overweight daughter. Tell your sister that your friend took her daughter to a nutritionist who encouraged her to change the entire family’s lifestyle so the young girl would not feel like the “problem” and, at the same time, everyone would eat in a healthier way.

You can excitedly report that although this was a difficult challenge, your friend did as prescribed and her daughter lost a lot of weight. Nothing more need be said during this conversation. You can then tactfully change the subject, or you can answer any questions that your sister has. This tactic would relieve you of being considered bossy and giving your sister unsolicited advice. This may become complicated if your sister asks to speak to this friend, but you can always say that your friend wishes to remain anonymous.

If you are more comfortable speaking in a direct fashion with your sister, you can tell her – in a loving and non-confrontational way – that although the subject matter you wish to discuss with her might be considered out of line, you would like to help her deal with an issue regarding her son. Calmly and non-judgmentally state that you have heard about other people having utilized nutritionists to help them in similar situations that your son faces. With the right guidance, those seeking help were able to change the eating habits of their families – ultimately helping their overweight children.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Giving Parental Advice: Is It A Good Idea?”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
ISIS in Quneitra
Updates from Kuneitra, Syria [video]
Latest Sections Stories
LBJ-082914

What better proof do we need than the recent war with Hamas in Gaza, dubbed “Operation Protective Edge,” that transformed the pain and suffering of three families into a sense of unparalleled unity and outpouring of love of the entire nation of Israel?

Katzman-082914

So many families are mourning, and all along we mourned with them.

Astaire-082914

In addition to his great erudition, Rabi Akiva was known for his optimism.

Kupfer-082914-Chuppah

She told me that she was busy and that he could sit in his wet clothes for the rest of the day. It would teach him to be more careful.

What can we do to help him stop feeling so sad all the time?

Children with dyslexia or dysgraphia frequently have problems in social relationships.

Israel’s neighbors engaged in hostilities from the onset. The War of Independence was a hard-won battle. Aggression and enmity has followed for 66 years.

The contest will include student-created sculpture, computer graphic design, collage, videography, PowerPoint and painting.

David, an 8-year-old boy on the autism spectrum, recently attended a Friendship Circle event. As he entered he told his Dad, “I love coming to the FC programs ‘cause everyone loves each other.”

Goldsmith himself went on his own “voyage of discovery” to the places where his grandfather and uncle landed and were sent.

Frank proclaimed himself Zvi’s successor and the reincarnation of King David.

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

Stroll through formal gardens, ride mountain bikes, or go rock climbing.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-082914

What can we do to help him stop feeling so sad all the time?

Respler-Yael

Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.

There could be no Jewish-themed books and, as such, the lack of knowledge these boys displayed in regards to many of the topics we read about was clear.

Upon hearing that he did, the owner sent him the atarah – all shiny and new – to be returned to me. I was reunited with my father’s precious gift.

A prominent shadchan recently articulated a dilemma she’s facing.

The real solution to bullying is to empower the bullied child.

My teachers like me and they tell my parents that I am a great girl with good middos.

Some yeshivish couples do not believe in going out with other couples, but that does not mean that the women cannot have social lives.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/giving-parental-advice-is-it-a-good-idea/2013/09/25/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: