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October 8, 2015 / 25 Tishri, 5776
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Paralyzing Fear


The kind of fear that clings to your throat

And squeezes it tight

Leaving you with only enough breath to stay alive

The kind of fear that steals your voice

Leaves you silent without a choice

But to be quiet, not make a noise

You’ll be inactive

You won’t participate

Your lifeless life you’ll hate

Because of fear

You cannot move

You’re over-thinking

Your head is thumping

You’re so afraid to fall

You don’t move at all

You’re nervous, you’re anxious

You’re dizzy, you’re clumsy

You can’t think straight

Yourself you’ll hate

Because of paralyzing fear

Your life is taking you nowhere

– Latisha Barker

Anyone who has experienced a panic attack is familiar with the feelings expressed above – paralyzing fear, difficulty breathing, dizziness, and nerves. But, while panic attacks are real and extreme, everyone experiences some sort of anxiety on a daily basis. The question is: how much is too much?

As your child grows and learns more about the world, it is natural for him to be hesitant or fearful of new circumstances. In some ways, it is good if your child is afraid – it will make him more cautious and careful. He will take fewer risks that could be potentially dangerous. However, too much anxiety can be debilitating and detrimental.

Because different fears are appropriate at different ages, a great way to assess the level of your child’s anxiety is to be aware of the stages:



Separation anxiety, or a child’s difficulty in being apart from his parents, is not only typical, but developmentally normal for children in preschool. However, it is generally a transient experience and most children can be easily distracted from their anxiety.


Fear of the dark is natural once your child hits the age of two or three. Using night-lights or glow in the dark stars to brighten the room should help your child overcome this fear. If your child refuses to go to sleep or wakes in terror because of the dark, this might be a sign of a larger issue.


Kindergarten – Fifth Grade

Generalized anxiety can sometimes manifest itself in children during the intermediate ages of 9 and 12. A child who worries excessively and obsessively about school performance, the state of the world, his health, and the health of his family members could be exhibiting signs of generalized anxiety disorder. Pay attention to whether his anxiety is controlling him or he is controlling it.


Sixth Grade – High School

Social Phobia is an anxiety disorder that can emerge when children enter their teenage years. Often, children with social phobias will withdraw from social situations and refuse to participate in extracurricular activities.  Sometimes, they will refuse to go to school and will only choose to speak to their parents or siblings. They may get very real headaches, stomachaches, or diarrhea on school days – but the pain comes from their brains, not their bowels.


All Ages

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD involves anxiety and stress about traumatic events in one’s past. This disorder frequently occurs after violent personal assaults, such as mugging, domestic violence, terrorism, natural disasters, or accidents. Children who experienced an extremely disturbing event might subsequently develop generalized anxiety. PTSD is often triggered by sounds, smells, or sights that remind the sufferer of the trauma.


Some symptoms of include:

  • Anger and irritability
  • Guilt, shame, or self-blame
  • Substance abuse
  • Depression and hopelessness
  • Feeling alienated and alone
  • Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
  • Headaches, stomach problems, chest pain

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and social skills ​specialist​, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@gmail.com.

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2 Responses to “Paralyzing Fear”

  1. James Johnston Ferguson says:

    I myself suffer panic attacks ! this is very helpful to understanding my past !

  2. It's tough to manage fears and anxiety when you've been given good reasons to carry them. Even if a child doesn't show signs of anxiety, I'd bet money they still carry a good amount of fears, some warranted and some not. If I had kids, I would definitely follow the author's tips to help manage any fears a child may face, even if they haven't been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

    Laughter's one of the few things that gets me out of the hole.

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Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/paralyzing-fear/2014/02/07/

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