I have never been sexually abused. I therefore have no real way of identifying with the pain suffered by victims of abuse. All I can do is take the word of the victim about the pain they suffer. And of course observe the tragic consequences when the depression a victim falls into as a result of both the abuse the reaction to them by their community. Those consequences are sometimes so severe that they end up in suicide for the victim.

Recent events here in Chicago have once again resulted in a resurfacing of this issue. I am not going to name names. Full disclosure requires me to say that I know and admire some of the people involved. But I am not in a position to interview them. Nor am I in a position to judge them since I do not know all the details of the case. But based on what has surfaced so far in the public square I feel the need to speak out so as to be consistent in my approach to sex abuse.

Here is what I know so far.

An 18 year old female victim who is a student at a religious school here in Chicago posted on her Facebook page about the sex abuse she suffered. When officials at the school discovered this, they asked her in a very insensitive way to remove it as that violated the school’s code for use of social media. She was severely reprimanded for this violation and unless she removed the ‘offensive’ content from her Facebook page she faced a possible expulsion.

The outrage from some in the “victims’ advocates” community against officials of the school came fast and furious… defending the victim’s right to express her pain in any way she saw fit. They condemned the official response of the school. Some are even asking heads to roll. That is the way some see it – calling it a no tolerance policy. I call it ‘slash and burn’ policy.

I completely understand a no tolerance policy when it comes to sex abuse and fully support it. The question arises when such a policy is extended to secondary concerns – important though they may be.

Should there be a slash and burn policy in every case where an official errs in how they handle the pain of a victim? Should the welfare of a fine institution with exceptional leaders be destroyed because someone made a mistake? Should the career and good name of someone who has contributed so much – and many decades of service – be instantly destroyed because of a few poorly chosen words – hurtful though they may have been?

I don’t think that’s right.

Personally, I do not think the response was appropriate. There is little doubt that victim was hurt beyond anyone’s imagination by the abuse she received. And she was once again hurt here. Based on what is public knowledge about this case – this should not have been done. The response seemed cruel to me.

In defense of the institution, they have every right to set a policy for the use of social media and demand that it be followed. And I fully support a school’s right to carry out whatever consequences they spell out in their literature for violations of that policy.

On the other very legitimate hand, doing so in this case – especially the way in which it was done – was using very poor judgment in my view. A school’s right to carry out its policies does not mean they can’t use discretion when it is warranted. When it comes to victims of abuse, there is no better time to use that discretion. What was warranted here was compassion.

I do not fault the school for telling the victim that she should not have used social media to express her pain. This does not stifle her from expressing it. All it does is limit who will have access to it. No matter how much pain a victim suffers, it does not give them the right to use a shotgun approach to disseminating it to the world. There are other – far better ways to do that. Like speaking with parents; or counselors who are experienced in these issues; or a sympathetic teacher; of even a group of intimate friends.

Jewish parents should teach their children to live in the Land of Israel. How do I know? Because I’m a Jew and I take the Torah seriously. For me the Torah is real. It’s our guidebook for living.

In the Ten Commandments, it says, “Honor thy father and thy mother, in order that thy days be long upon the Land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” The Land mentioned in the verse isn’t America, nor Germany, nor South Africa, or even Canada. The Land means the Land of Israel.

What is the connection between honoring one’s parents and the Land of Israel? The verse promises that if you honor your parents, you will be rewarded with living in the Land of Israel? Why? What’s the connection? What does one thing have to do with the other? Because if you honor your parents by doing what they teach you, then you will live in the Land of Israel, because every Jewish parent has the duty to teach his children that they are supposed to live in the Land of Israel.

All Jewish parents, for all time, in all generations, no matter where they live, are to teach their children that they should live in the Land of Israel. That’s what the Torah is telling us in this verse, and the instructions of the Torah are forever. In order to keep the Torah in the way it is meant to be kept, you have to live in the Land of Israel.

The Torah is the Constitution of the Nation of Israel, a Nation with religious laws that cover all aspects of life, both the private, and the national, including laws of government, judicial laws, military laws, economic laws, agricultural laws, laws of war, and laws for the king. You can’t have a Jewish army, and Jewish government, and Jewish agricultural laws which only apply to the Land of Israel in Canada, America, or France. So Jewish parents are to teach their children that they should live in the Land of Israel, and Jewish children are to honor their parents and perform the commandments which they are taught, and that way they will fulfill the intention of the Torah that the Jewish People live in the Land of Israel and not anywhere else.

So parents, if you’re Jewish, and if you want to follow the Torah, then tell your children to live in the Land of Israel.

And children, if you want to honor your parents, then live in the Land of Israel. That’s what the Torah is saying.