That $1,000 Shadchan Check
Last week, a reader, Tiferes, complained about a recent column by Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss in which he wrote that he gave a shadchan $1,000 to find a shidduch for him. This week, Rabbi Weiss responds:
Hi Tiferes,
I would like to clarify several things. You ask: What about emunah? “If it’s bashert, isn’t it going to happen anyway?”
The Torah answer is: Only if you do hishtadlus. That’s why although the Divine bas kol announces a match for every person, many people tragically never get married. And although Hashem assigns a parnasah to every person on Rosh HaShanah, if you sit home on your La-Z-Boy, you will not get it.
My article addresses proper hishtadlus. (Here it would be a good place to remind readers that heartfelt prayer to Hashem is one of the most important methods of hishtadlus – more important than spending $1000.)
You then ask how my article could serve as chizuk to widows and divorcees when “I have deep pockets and yichus.” I don’t have deep pockets. I just use my money when I thinks it’s very, very important to do so, and I don’t think my yichus was critical to my kallah when she made her choice.
Finally, you write that you were surprised that the shadchan took the money and argue that if he’s not setting up people l’sheim shamayim, he should do something else. I hope you don’t feel that way about your doctor or your dentist.
On any given shidduch, even if it doesn’t go through, a shadchan spends untold hours on the phone and is expected to be available on a moment’s notice so that the daters don’t stew on whether they’re getting a yes or a no.
With the shichuch crisis we have, we need to give financial incentives to these remarkable people. The correct attitude of hakoras hatov demands that we take our checkbooks and wallets to show our gratitude – whether the shidduch goes through or not. If you get past a fifth date, they’ve earned at least a token of our appreciation.
Thank you for reading my column and I hope I made some of my view more clearly to you.
Sheitels Protect Your Family
I grew up Modern Orthodox. As such, I knew of no set rule on how married women should cover their hair. I was exposed to different choices and assumed a kallah and her chattan made the decision together.
My kallah teacher was a well-known rebbetzin in Modern Orthodox circles who did not cover her hair in public. According to a popular psak from a well-known Modern Orthodox rabbi, however, a married woman was supposed to cover her in public as a siman heker (a sign that she was married).
This was the psak I followed until I had the zchus to receive a mailing from 770 Eastern Parkway, the address of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, zt”l. The year was 1977. I was sitting on the floor reading the mail because baruch Hashem I was tired as I had the zechus to experience a second miracle pregnancy.
The mailing from 770 was a copy of a response the Rebbe had sent someone who asked him what his position was on married women covering one’s hair. In Rabbi Yaakov Hoffman’s recent article in The Jewish Press, he correctly notes the Rebbe’s position. However, he did not quote the Rebbe’s words that “wearing a sheitel protects the home and the children.”
When my husband came home, I informed him, “From now on, I’m going to wear a sheitel.” I added, “Who would not want to protect one’s home and precious family!”
Penina Metal
Schumer and Pelosi Live In La La Land
The response by Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi to President Trump’s speech on the proposed U.S.-Mexican border wall makes one wonder if reality is just an illusion to Schumer and Pelosi. They kept referring to the wall as “ineffective.” How can a wall that hasn’t been built yet be ineffective?
In fact, all the available evidence suggests that walls are extremely effective. In 2014, 2,100 immigrants crossed from Morocco into Spain. Once a fence was built, this number dropped to 100. The number of people who attempted to cross also dropped dramatically – from 19,000 in 2014 to 3,700 in 2015.
Israel built a wall on its southern border to stop African immigrants from pouring in from Eritrea and Sudan. According to statistics by Israel’s Ministry of the Interior, 17,000 African immigrants entered the state illegally in 2011. After the wall was completed in 2013, the number dropped to 43.
You hear some ridiculous “reasons” for not building the wall. Like:
- “Illegal immigrants commit fewer crimes than Americans.” Why do we need any additional crime?
- “They’re only looking for a better life.” Bank robbers are also looking for a better life. Should we just give them our money?
- “Walls are primitive.” Eating food is also primitive; we’ve been doing it for thousands of years. We can get nutrition these days from intravenous bottles.
- “Let’s use technology – like drones.” Short of drones shooting immigrants as they cross the border (which neither I nor anyone else is suggesting), what good would they do?
There is absolutely no logical reason to oppose building a wall on our border with Mexico – unless you’re expecting your uncle from Venezuela.
Josh Greenberger
Brooklyn, NY
Don’t Do Unto Political Others…
I understand and respect that you support Trump’s policies (I support some of them, too). So just explain to your readers why these policies are beneficial to the U.S. By criticizing Democrats and anti-Trumpers as you did in your recent editorial, “Trump Derangement Syndrome,” you open yourself up to the very same criticism you level at Trump’s opponents – that personalities matter more than policy.
There are plenty of videos online of McConnell, Boehner, and other top Republicans during Obama’s presidency saying they will obstruct whatever Obama wants to pass; that their goal is to make him a one-term president; that he will not be appointing the next Supreme Court justice; etc.
So don’t tell me the Democrats are wrong for blocking Trump’s policies. Either both Republicans and Democrats are wrong for acting this way or accept that this is how politics in America works.
Additionally, you and many pro-Trumpers blame the Democrats for the shutdown and claim Democrats are against anti-BDS legislation. If building the wall is such a priority, why didn’t Trump push for it when the Republicans controlled both houses of Congress? Plus Trump repeatedly said Mexico would pay for the wall and told Schumer that he accepts responsibility for shutting down the government.
So why blame Schumer and Pelosi?
Moreover, the Democratic leadership did not say it opposed anti-BDS legislation. Rather, it said it wishes to first open the government before working on legislation. As frum Jews, it is wrong to twist their words.
Finally, we may not like the new extremists in the Democratic Party, but not everyone in the Republican Party has Jewish and Israeli interests at heart either.
Rivka Hershkowitz
Why Smear Blood?
I found Rabbi Nataf’s January 11 column on why Hashem wanted us to smear blood on our doorposts at the time of Yetzias Mitzrayim quite interesting. I would like, however, to offer another possible explanation.
Finds from the 18th dynasty of Egypt clearly demonstrate that the lintels of both temple and royal building were brightly painted, almost always depicting the names of gods and Pharaohs. Given the human desire to emulate the behavior of one’s “betters,” it is almost certain that similar doorpost decorations would have been present on the doorposts of almost all Egyptian houses.
Smearing blood on the doorposts would therefore have had, first and foremost, the practical effect of blotting out the names of various deities and rulers present on them. In other words, it would been a very bold and public statement that we rejected the “protection” offered by these painted names and instead trusted in G-d.
Gary Fellman
She Likes Us
I am a returning reader to the Jewish Press and I must say how excited I am to read articles that are current and real in our world. Henni Halberstam’s new column is so reflective of our needs in shiduchim! She is just what The Jewish Press needs – cool and young, yet smart and wise!
I so look forward to my Friday night relaxation – reading The Jewish Press!
Riva Backer
Miami Beach, FL
The Stock Market Is A Scam
I was surprised by your recent editorial on stock market manipulation. You commented: “But there are some savvy observers who are suggesting that old-time manipulation by key traders – and maybe even foreign powers – may be in play.”
Let me get straight to the point: Most, if not all, of the stock market is manipulated. As I mention to potential clients, if you think the market is not fixed, stay out of this game.
An ordinary investor is up against powerful individuals and crooks, only a minuscule minority of whom are caught and convicted. Wash trading and compensating newsletter writers to push certain stocks are just the tip of the iceberg.
Brokers – don’t even get me started. I have witnessed brazen churning of portfolios in order to project more commissions. Would you feel comfortable with recommendations from such individuals?
One final thought: Many stock market investors become millionaires – especially those who were originally billionaires.
Harry Liberman
President, SMD Stock Analysts
Obstruct, Obstruct, Obstruct
Many Americans believe that split government is good for the nation. Perhaps sometimes, but not now.
The Democrats have taken the House and gone public with their agenda: investigations and subpoenas for Trump, his family, and his prior businesses. It doesn’t require a Mensa genius to discern that their “agenda” can be properly defined as obstruction, no matter how vindictive, childish, and mean-spirited. This is their definition of governing.
Whatever Trump wants, proposes, or cares about is anathema to Democrats. Legislation to improve our nation is a non-starter. Historic low unemployment numbers among all demographic groups means nothing to them. Lower taxes for individuals and businesses are, according to Nancy Pelosi, “crumbs.” (Well, yes, compared to what she and her spouse are worth.)
Pelosi said last week that Democrats will “restore fiscal sanity.” I fear to learn her definition of “sanity.” After all, she also wants open borders, which doesn’t seem very sane.
Democratic control of the House also means that the vocal anti-Semitic representatives within the Democrat party will likely go unchallenged. The BDS movement is alive and well among Democrats, but apparently Schumer and Pelosi decided they no longer need Jews voting for them in significant numbers back home.
It’s a whole new ball game, and it doesn’t bode well for America or Israel.
Myron Hecker
New City, NY
Get Over It
Like him or not, Donald Trump is the duly- and fairly-elected president of the United States. But the Democratic leadership is apparently unable to internalize this fact.
Political power is their obsession, which trumps all sense of responsibility for the welfare of our beloved country. They will oppose any policy that has Trump’s fingerprints on it, which is sad for them and sad for us.
It is long past time for them to acknowledge the results of 2016, and get on with the task of genuine governance.
Jerrold Terdiman, MD
Woodcliff Lake, NJ
Turkey Is Not Our Friend
Turkey is a member of NATO and for many years was an ally and a good friend of the United States and Israel. Unfortunately, that is no longer true. During the last 20 years, the influence of Islamist leaders in turkey has changed that country.
Turkey used to be a modern secular Muslim country and thus was the first Muslim country to recognize Israel. In fact, Israel often used Turkish airspace for training its air force. But Turkey has changed. In recent years, it has supported Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood, and its relations with Israel have gone from good to very strained.
In short, under the current government, Turkey is no longer our friend and cannot be trusted.
Arthur Horn
East Windsor, NJ
Shame on the New York Times
Not so long ago, New York Jews largely swore by the Times; nowadays, they increasingly stifle the urge to swear at it.
In December alone, the Times published three highly-offensive pieces. In one, author Alice Walker was allowed to enthusiastically endorse, without comment, an especially vile anti-Semitic book. In another, the Times celebrated the electoral victory of Rep. Ilhan Omar, calling it “a glimmer of hope” for “racial equality and justice.”
Omitted was any mention of her record of anti-Semitic statements or her treachery in denouncing BDS while campaigning and then immediately endorsing it once she won the election. Similar adulation likely awaits the other new Muslim congresswoman, Rashida Tlaib, even though much of her vocabulary isn’t “fit to print.”
But worst, by far, was the nearly 5,000-word savage smear of the IDF, starting on the front page, and continuing onto three full inside pages. It was a paean to Palestinian medic/”protester” Rouzan al-Najjar, allegedly deliberately killed by IDF fire during an Hamas-orchestrated June 1 Gaza barrier riot.
Her life story, her hopes, and her dreams were described in loving detail; as ever, Hamas-targeted Israelis remained nameless and faceless, their plight and prospects, of no interest whatsoever. Her death was deemed “possibly a war crime.”
How sad to see a once-great newspaper continue to so diminish itself.
Richard D. Wilkins
Syracuse, NY