Consequently, it is hard to rationalize how any married person could ever look down on singles, talk down to singles, trivialize the plight of singles, or otherwise be insensitive to singles. As a former single (and, if they are not careful, a future single) they should feel only genuine concern and empathy for singles and seek to support them with love and respect. As we all know, however, rare indeed is such a person.

This is what disturbs me most of all. To see this sudden metamorphosis from a single who gets it, who feels it, who lives it to an insensitive and disconnected married person who cannot even be bothered to forward an e-mail to the singles they used to associate with – this is truly sad.


And if they bring with them into married life this sort of fleeting concern for others whose pain they should forever share, I shudder to think what that married life is destined to look like. More, what might a community of such people look like?

Mazal tov,” I replied, “though I have to say that many people on the list are married and still see a benefit in being involved in some small way. I’m sorry you don’t share this idea.”

I never heard back. But why should I have? They’d already done their part.


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Rabbi Chananya Weissman is the founder of EndTheMadness and the author of seven books, including "Tovim Ha-Shenayim: A Study of the Role and Nature of Man and Woman." Many of his writings are available at He is also the director and producer of a documentary on the shidduch world, "Single Jewish Male." He can be contacted at