I grew up in a world where we stood up for our parents. We would never dare address our mothers and fathers in a disrespectful manner or call them by their first names. Children knew it was not their role to be demanding. Sibling rivalry was shunned. Yes, we fought over privileges: Who would get give his or her chair to Daddy or Mommy? Who would help Mommy serve? Who would escort Daddy or Mommy? Who would help Zaidie or Bubbie walk?
I vividly recall my father, HaRav HaGaon HaTzaddik Avraham HaLevi Jungreis, zt”l, telling us that he and his brother would fight over who should have the zechus, the merit, of polishing their father’s shoes!
We have values that go back thousands of years. The pillars on which our families’ lives are built are timeless. So your Yom Tov crisis can be easily resolved by simply applying our hallowed value system. Please G-d, it will be easy for you because your children were raised in a Torah-observant home and the suggestions I’ve made are not alien to their education.
Honoring parents is the foundation of Jewish life. It is part of the Ten Commandments and inviolable – not open to compromise or negotiation. For it to work, however, you must live by it and demand your children do the same. As I mentioned above, you cannot demand it for yourself but your husband can do it for you (and you for him).
Those who, G-d forbid, do not have a spouse can show their children the passage in the Torah. At the same time, tell them it is not a request from you but a Commandment from G-d. It is one of the laws that have been ordained by the Almighty Himself to guarantee a harmonious family life.
To be continued