Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Dear Mrs. Bluth,

You have no idea what it took for me to write this letter but you can see the tears that fell on the pages and blurred some of the words. I am so broken and lost, in the last year, I have lost a daughter with whom I had, I thought, the most beautiful relationship. We would almost always be together, sharing everything, I thought, akin to best friends and more. She was my everything and, I thought, I was hers. But close to a year ago, an ill wind came between us and blew all that away. She accused me of being the worst mother who didn’t care about what she was going through, a mother who turned her back on her child’s suffering and didn’t care what happened to her or her family. Mrs. Bluth, nothing is farther from the truth.


I mothered all my children equally and fairly, if one of them got something, so did the others even if they didn’t need anything. I loved all my children beyond life itself and made countless sacrifices so that they had as much as I could possibly give them, be it mentally, emotionally and physically. And up until a year ago, all was beautiful and peaceful amongst us, or so I thought. Until she accused me of all the horrible things no mother should ever hear come out of their child’s mouth. This past year has been a torment beyond words for me. She has cut me out of her life, as if I never existed.

How can I explain this to anyone, who would believe such a thing could happen? I’m sure even you will find it unbelievable and you would probably assume that I was responsible for what has happened. Even you will not understand, because I still can’t believe it happened. At the beginning, I expected to wake up each morning and find it all a bad dream, but no more. Now I wake up each morning and ask G-d why He returned me to this gehenom. I am drowning in my own tears and must suffer alone, too ashamed and too destroyed to speak to anyone about it. I don’t know why, but I am writing to you, just so that if something happens to me, at least one other person will know why. I am already a dead person just waiting to die.



Dear Friend,

I read your letter over a number of times and ask you to sit down and listen to what I have to say. You are not alone. You are not alone in your misery and I do understand your pain. You have no reason to blame yourself for your daughter’s putrid behavior, still, there may be many reasons for why she has so violently turned away from you.

She may have suffered a nervous breakdown due to her fragile state of inability to deal with problems you were unaware of. She may be suffering from pre-menopausal changes that wreak havoc with a woman’s mental state. Or, she may have changed over the years from the wonderful daughter and ever so slowly and quietly morphed into this tragically hostile and cruel persona that succeeded in finally emerging full blown and attacking the one person she knows will never abandon her. Whatever the reason, there is little you can do until your daughter comes to the realization of the damage she has caused. That may happen at some point after she has addressed the cause of her personality change and her fierce and undeserved attacks on you.

Please don’t destroy yourself over this, you have the rest of your children who deeply care about you and a whole gaggle of sweet, adoring and loving grandchildren to love and live for. Life is filled with tragedies, those that are shared with friends who care for us and support us because they know who we are, and then there are the tragedies that we keep locked in our hearts because they are too painful, personal and profusely embarrassing to bring to light. Whatever the reason, the solution is beyond our control to repair but lays squarely at the foot of the person who initiated it.

Please stay strong. Dry your tears and find things to take your mind off of this ordeal. Hopefully, the day will come sooner than later, when there will come a knock at your door and your daughter comes to beg your forgiveness and a new relationship will be forged.


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