web analytics
August 28, 2015 / 13 Elul, 5775
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post


Daughters and Daughters-In-Law Also Need Help (Part One)


Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

My mother-in-law does very little cooking and has plenty of time to go to shul and take naps on Shabbos and Yom Tov.  They rarely offer to help with our son. We have no problem doing most of the work in caring for our son, but we feel that it’s a given that younger parents want some help with their kids when they visit the grandparents.

My in-laws, however, feel that it is our job to contribute more than we already do (I do help during meals and have on occasion brought baked goods, it is my pleasure to do all this). Yet if we ask for help with our son, we are supposed to do it all ourselves, and my in-laws don’t consider my having to take care of my son as a good reason not to be helping them at every possible opportunity. Again, I have no opposition to the need to pitch in and contribute. What bothers me is being told how much I must contribute. (I was once told that I wasn’t doing enough when I did their laundry for them, helped prepare food, and helped set and clear the table when I was more than six months pregnant) and the way it is demanded of me (as if it is coming to them).

What happened to judging people favorably? Maybe the daughters or daughters-in-law described in past letters have valid reasons for not helping. Perhaps their young ones don’t let them sleep much and they feel too out of it to be of any use in terms of helping. Maybe a daughter feels that her mother knows how hard she works in her home and will understand that she doesn’t feel up to helping or that she needs to take care of her own children. Maybe a daughter-in-law has been working especially hard and her husband asked her for her own sake, to take it easy when they go to his parents this Shabbos or Yom Tov and said that his mother will understand. There are many other valid reasons that the daughter or daughter-in-law may have for not helping that she may not be able to communicate.

My in-laws have never been in my shoes so they have no right to judge how much I should be contributing. If I wanted to work as hard as my in-laws think I should, it would be much easier to stay home and have guests.  My son needs to be my priority, which means that I will not have the same resources as my husband’s younger siblings to contribute, especially if I don’t have help with my son. It would mean so much to me if they would respect my limits and trust me that I am doing the best that I can, and allow me to take it easy.  My husband has tried to explain to them many times that I work very hard at home and that they should appreciate whatever amount I can contribute, but they demand that I push myself more than I already do. We have even suggested speaking to a neutral third party to try to work things out, but they aren’t very interested.

I hope that you will print my letter (but please omit my name) so that parents will reconsider what they expect from their children who come to visit, and that it is important to give us the benefit of the doubt (dan l’kaf  zechus). We really do appreciate everything they do for us and we try to help as much as we can, but please be reasonable and be sensitive to our needs as well.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Daughters and Daughters-In-Law Also Need Help (Part One)”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Swiss Amb. to Iran Giulo Haas presents his credentials to Iranian Pres. Rouhani
‘US and Iranian Cartoon Doves’ Shown Defecating on Bibi by Swiss Amb to Iran
Latest Judaism Stories
Torat-Hakehillah-logo-NEW

The common translation of the opening words of this week’s parsha, Ki Seitzei, is: “When you go out to war against your enemy.” Actually the text reads “al oyvecha” upon your enemy. The Torah is saying that when Israel goes out to war, they will be over and above their enemy. The reason why Bnei […]

Rabbi Avi Weiss

The love between Gd & Israel is deeper than marriage; beyond the infinite love of parent for child

Q-A-Klass-logo

Question: When a stranger approaches a congregant in shul asking for tzedakah, should the congregant verify that the person’s need is genuine? Furthermore, what constitutes tzedakah? Is a donation to a synagogue, yeshiva, or hospital considered tzedakah?

Zvi Kirschner
(Via E-Mail)

Taste-of-Lomdus-logo

Since giving the machatzis hashekel will not change his financial situation, he is obligated to do so even though it is more than a fifth of his income.

Today, few people fast during the Days of Selichot, but the custom is to rise early to recite Selichot.

Each month is associated with a particular tribe. The month of Elul is matched up with Gad. What makes Gad unique?

Sanctions and indictment of the Jew, holding him to a higher standard, is as common and misplaced as ever.

To allow for free will, there are times when Hashem will allow a person the “opportunity to be the messenger.”

“There is a mitzvah to pay the worker on that day,” answered Mr. Lerner.

Be happy. Be grateful. God knows what he is doing. It is all happening for a reason.

We get so busy living our lives, handling our day-to-day little crises that we forget to go that one step deeper and appreciate our lives.

The promise for long life only comes from 2 commandments; What’s the connection between them?

Mighty Amalek deliberately attacked enemy’s weakest members, despicable even by ancient standards

If we parents fail to honor responsibilities then society’s children will pay the price for our sins

Consider how our Heavenly Father feels when He sees His children adopting all other parents but Him

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Money comes and goes but its love, commitment, warmth, and kindness that make a family a family.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

To my dismay, I’ve seen that shidduch candidates with money become ALL desirable traits for marriage

Zaidie’s legacy of smiles and loving words was all but buried with him, now the family fights over $

Jewish survival in a dysfunctional world requires women assuming the role Hashem gave them at Sinai

In every generation is the challenge to purge the culture of our exile from our minds and our hearts

His mother called “Yoni, Yoni!” Her eyes, a moment earlier dark with pain, shone with joy and hope

Pesach bonds families and generations: “So that you may relate it to your son and your son’s son.

Amalek’s hate never dies; its descendants are eternal & omnipresent; Hashem is our only protection

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/daughters-and-daughters-in-law-also-need-help-part-one/2008/11/05/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: