Latest update: May 21st, 2013
My mother-in-law does very little cooking and has plenty of time to go to shul and take naps on Shabbos and Yom Tov. They rarely offer to help with our son. We have no problem doing most of the work in caring for our son, but we feel that it’s a given that younger parents want some help with their kids when they visit the grandparents.
My in-laws, however, feel that it is our job to contribute more than we already do (I do help during meals and have on occasion brought baked goods, it is my pleasure to do all this). Yet if we ask for help with our son, we are supposed to do it all ourselves, and my in-laws don’t consider my having to take care of my son as a good reason not to be helping them at every possible opportunity. Again, I have no opposition to the need to pitch in and contribute. What bothers me is being told how much I must contribute. (I was once told that I wasn’t doing enough when I did their laundry for them, helped prepare food, and helped set and clear the table when I was more than six months pregnant) and the way it is demanded of me (as if it is coming to them).