web analytics
August 23, 2014 / 27 Av, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Where Are The Moms And Dads? (Two Letters)


Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Letter #1 – Can We Afford These Maids?

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

I spent Pesach in what would appear to be idyllic surroundings. We stayed at a beautiful hotel, where we were served sumptuous meals and were entertained every evening of Chol Hamoed. Even the weather conformed. Our rooms were perfectly and strategically located overlooking a spacious garden and in close proximity to the dining room. As such, I had ample opportunities to observe the children who played in this garden.

During Yom Tov, I attended various stimulating lectures. Each of the speakers reminded us that it was incumbent upon us to feel that we ourselves were being liberated from Egypt. They each discussed the difficulties of doing so. There was one segment of the population who easily would have understood this concept – the children…. the ones left day after day in the hands of illiterate, inappropriately dressed maids who ignored them.

I watched the maids talking to each other in Spanish, impatiently turning to the children whenever it was necessary to say, “Yes, Yes, Yes” or “No, No, No,” the only English words they seem to have mastered. I watched parents walking by oblivious to their children’s cries. I heard children cry out “Mommy, mommy” and in response the “Mommy” would instruct the maid to “get him/her something to eat so he/she stops complaining.”

So, to those parents who have freed themselves from the constraints of their children, I want to say that there is a steep price to pay for the luxury of hired help. Your children are paying this price every day. Is it the Torah way to subject your precious children to mediocrity - quite literally enslaving them to the whims of an uneducated, unrefined hired hand?

Whether this description fits you or your daughter, your son, your niece or your nephew, we are all culpable. We are neglecting and therefore destroying our future. The question is, can we really afford the price of these maids?

Letter #2 - Dumping On Parents

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

I have been reading your articles from the time that I was a little girl, as does everyone else in our family. As a matter of fact, your column is always the topic of discussion at our Shabbos table. I never thought that I would write to you with the specific request that my letter be published in your column. The reason why I am making this request rather than asking you to respond privately is because I am hoping that the parties involved who read your column will get the message.

Before I write about my concerns, I would like to make a disclaimer. I have hakoras hatov, appreciation, for the many brachas (blessings) of a family spending Yom Tov together. Baruch HaShem, we are a large family with seven siblings – all married except for me, the youngest. My sister, who lives in Eretz Yisrael, is expecting her fifth child, and is having a difficult pregnancy. My brother has four children and lives in Lakewood. Both these families came to our parents’ home for Pesach. I also had the privilege of coming home this year, since I am currently studying in Seminary in Yerushalayim.

My other siblings went to their in-laws’. My parents are no longer young, so making Pesach for such a large group was not an easy task. Nevertheless, my mother insisted that my sister and brother and their families come, assuring them that it was her pleasure and joy to have them (which I am sure it was) but still, the work took its toll on her.

I don’t have to tell you what Pesach preparations entail. On top of that, serving Yom Tov meals to all those people would tax the energy of even a younger person. Before one meal was finished, preparations had to be made for the next. My mother literally never got out of the kitchen, and when she did, it was to clean the mess that my nieces and nephews left in every room, although she couldn’t quite keep up with the matzoh crumbs all over the floor. Additionally, the sounds of children playing, fighting, and running around was not easy on the nerves.

My father, who is not well and needs his nap, did not have a moment of peace. Everything in the house was in disarray, and by the end of the Yom Tov, my mother looked like she was on the verge of collapse. My siblings acted as if our home was a hotel, with baby-sitting, meals, and maid service.

I understand that they are exhausted and that they work very hard throughout the year. They don’t have much money, so they don’t have help at home and they look upon Pesach as their vacation – their yetzias Mitzraim - their liberation from their chores and responsibilities.

I am certain that you are wondering why I didn’t help my mother out. Well, I would have loved to were it not for the fact that my sister-in-law decided to visit old friends whom she hasn’t seen in a long time. She left her children in my charge…. so I was busy baby-sitting. Her lack of consideration really annoyed me. It never occurred to her that I might also want to see my old friends, and that it might be more important for me to socialize since I am in the shidduch parasha. I wanted to say something to her but I didn’t want to cause friction in the family and upset my parents. Besides, I was so angry that had I told her what was in my heart, I probably would have ended up with a major fight and said something that I would have come to regret.

But now that Yom Tov is over and I am back in Seminary, I have taken it upon myself to write to you because I realized that something has to be said… that if things are left unchecked, the consequences can be terrible. I also realize that neither my sister nor my sister-in-law would take kindly to my mussar admonitions. I spoke to many girls at my school who had similar experiences, so I really think that this problem should be addressed.

I can see why children should come home for Pesach, but not if they are going to burden their families. I hope that when I get married, I will not fall into that trap.

Please accept my deepest feelings of respect and best wishes for your continued success in your Avodat HaKodesh.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Where Are The Moms And Dads? (Two Letters)”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
4 yr old Israeli Daniel Tregerman, murdered by Hamas rocket on Aug. 22, 2014.
IDF: Israeli Toddler Murdered by Rocket Fired Near UNRWA School/Shelter
Latest Judaism Stories
Parsha-Perspectives-logo

Eisenhower understood that motivated men will fight much harder and longer than unmotivated men.

PTI-082214

Who does not want to get close to Hashem? Yet, how do we do that?

Weiss-082214-Beloved

Hashem recalls everything – nothing is hidden from His eyes.

Taste-of-Lomdus-logo

According to Rabbi Yishmael one was not permitted to eat such an animal prior to entering Eretz Yisrael, while according to Rabbi Akiva one was permitted to eat animals if he would perform nechirah.

An interview was overheard in which an Arab asked a Hamas commander: “What’s the problem? Why aren’t you hitting your targets? Don’t you know how to aim?” To which he was answered: “We know how to aim very well. We are experts. But their G-d moves the missiles.”

Discretion
‘Vendors Of Fruits And Clothing…May Sell In Private’
(Mo’ed Katan 13b)

Question: The Gemara in Berachot states that the sages authored our prayers. Does that mean we didn’t pray beforehand?

Menachem
Via Email

If a man sins and follows his inclinations, he will find comfort in this world – but when he dies, he will go to a place that is all thorns.

Nothing is more effective to diminish envy than gratitude.

The first prayer of Moshe was Vayechal, where Moshe’s petition was that no matter how bad bnei Yisrael were, the Egyptians were worse.

“We’re leining now, and shouldn’t be talking,” Mr. Silver gently quieted his son. “At the Shabbos table we can discuss it at length.”

If we regard pain and suffering as mere coincidence, we will feel no motivation to examine our lives

Culture is not nature. There are causes in nature, but only in culture are there meanings.

Rabbinic law is pivotal but it’s important to understand which laws are rabbinic and which biblical.

We give slave gifts? If he wants to stay, we pierce his ear?!

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

If we regard pain and suffering as mere coincidence, we will feel no motivation to examine our lives

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

What does Hashem want of us? That we should protect each other and the awesome heritage He gave us.

Gratitude=Great Attitude. Appreciation is always appropriate.

The two words “thank you” have no time expiration; even if spoken after many years they’re as potent as ever.

Let us shake the heavens. Let us not stop until our boys and all our people are liberated from bondage.

Loving-kindness can cure the anger and bitterness in our poisonous world.

The Hebrew word for coincidence is mikreh, which comes from “karah min Hashem – it happened from G-d.”

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/where-are-the-moms-and-dads-two-letters/2003/06/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: