web analytics
September 19, 2014 / 24 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

Busybodies Beware:
Your unsolicited interference is unwelcome!

Dear Rachel,

I’m a very private person and have never written to a column before, but I feel I must share the following with your readers.

Right in the midst of the Yamim Noraim I received an unusual phone call. It actually went to voice mail where an anonymous male caller left a long, ugly and rambling message intended to “alert” me to my husband’s supposed inappropriate behavior with an aishes ish (a married woman) whom the caller claimed he was extensively involved with. He named the woman and also accused my husband of having wrecked her marriage.

Mr. Anonymous ended by expressing his sympathy for me for having such a husband and brazenly wished me luck in finding a better man.

Shocking? Not really, for you see I know the woman by name and was aware of my husband’s involvement. His line of work involves mediating, and he had first met this woman in an abused wives shelter after she had suffered multiple incidents of physical abuse at the hands of her husband. It was her concerned next of kin who had turned to my husband for help in extracting the hapless wife from her horrible ordeal and misery.

There’s more to the story, but the details really have no bearing on the point of my letter. Suffice it to say that the poor woman was in dire need of assistance, and my husband was baruch Hashem able to help her and was also instrumental in securing her a get.

Though I was plenty familiar with the goings-on, I can’t say the phone call wasn’t jarring. Both my husband and I were taken aback by the sheer audacity of a person who would have little else on his mind, especially at this time of year, and the chutzpah to smear a man with baseless accusations — to his wife, no less. (The caller, by the way, was not the woman’s ex-husband.)

In light of the above, I have some comments to make and a question to you, Rachel. I direct my first comment to husbands who may be involved in similar situations and innocently neglect to let their wives in on them. Can you imagine the impact such a call can have on a wife who is totally in the dark about her husband’s involvement — since he considers it to be all in a day’s work and therefore feels she doesn’t need to be in the know?

How fortunate for us that my husband shared this poor woman’s tale of woe with me and kept me informed throughout. Since we had much more important things to dwell on during the time the call came in, we basically shrugged it off. My husband, furthermore, did not get himself worked up over it since he knew it was impossible for anyone to accuse him of any wrongdoing, when he did nothing wrong.

Now let’s hypothetically suppose that a married man is seen hanging out with a strange woman and they are known, or rumored, to be “carrying on.” My question to you: how proper or improper is it for some outside party to take it upon him or herself to intervene by calling the wife anonymously to let her know of her husband’s supposedly bad behavior?

Thanks for taking the time to answer.

Fortunately unscathed

Dear Fortunately,

Someone obviously had an ax to grind with your husband and shamefully took it upon himself to do him harm in the crudest and cruelest way.

This incident further goes to show, as you illustrate, that a married man who must have dealings with a woman should take all precautions not to have it come across as an unethical association, and under such circumstance to be sure to keep his wife abreast of the developments as they unfold. Your husband astutely saved himself the headache of having a lot of explaining to do, and you were spared needless heartache.

As for your question, I am not for informing anyone’s wife that her husband is two-timing her (or vice-versa). For one, it may well be untrue, and a third party has certainly no right to make such an assumption. Moreover, whether the stated information is unfounded or real, such a call can wreak havoc on a heretofore good relationship.

A woman who lives with an unfaithful husband can usually smell the coffee and figure things out on her own without the annoying interference of busybodies who should be minding their own affairs.

Thank you for sharing. May you continue to have an open and honest relationship with the man at your side.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Protest rally against Metropolitan Opera staging Death of Klinghoffer on 9/22 at 4:30 pm at the Met.
For Grass Roots Klinghoffer Protest 9/22, Jewish Establishment MIA
Latest Sections Stories

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Baim-092614-Plate

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-192/2012/12/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: