web analytics
December 22, 2014 / 30 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

Busybodies Beware:
Your unsolicited interference is unwelcome!

Dear Rachel,

I’m a very private person and have never written to a column before, but I feel I must share the following with your readers.

Right in the midst of the Yamim Noraim I received an unusual phone call. It actually went to voice mail where an anonymous male caller left a long, ugly and rambling message intended to “alert” me to my husband’s supposed inappropriate behavior with an aishes ish (a married woman) whom the caller claimed he was extensively involved with. He named the woman and also accused my husband of having wrecked her marriage.

Mr. Anonymous ended by expressing his sympathy for me for having such a husband and brazenly wished me luck in finding a better man.

Shocking? Not really, for you see I know the woman by name and was aware of my husband’s involvement. His line of work involves mediating, and he had first met this woman in an abused wives shelter after she had suffered multiple incidents of physical abuse at the hands of her husband. It was her concerned next of kin who had turned to my husband for help in extracting the hapless wife from her horrible ordeal and misery.

There’s more to the story, but the details really have no bearing on the point of my letter. Suffice it to say that the poor woman was in dire need of assistance, and my husband was baruch Hashem able to help her and was also instrumental in securing her a get.

Though I was plenty familiar with the goings-on, I can’t say the phone call wasn’t jarring. Both my husband and I were taken aback by the sheer audacity of a person who would have little else on his mind, especially at this time of year, and the chutzpah to smear a man with baseless accusations — to his wife, no less. (The caller, by the way, was not the woman’s ex-husband.)

In light of the above, I have some comments to make and a question to you, Rachel. I direct my first comment to husbands who may be involved in similar situations and innocently neglect to let their wives in on them. Can you imagine the impact such a call can have on a wife who is totally in the dark about her husband’s involvement — since he considers it to be all in a day’s work and therefore feels she doesn’t need to be in the know?

How fortunate for us that my husband shared this poor woman’s tale of woe with me and kept me informed throughout. Since we had much more important things to dwell on during the time the call came in, we basically shrugged it off. My husband, furthermore, did not get himself worked up over it since he knew it was impossible for anyone to accuse him of any wrongdoing, when he did nothing wrong.

Now let’s hypothetically suppose that a married man is seen hanging out with a strange woman and they are known, or rumored, to be “carrying on.” My question to you: how proper or improper is it for some outside party to take it upon him or herself to intervene by calling the wife anonymously to let her know of her husband’s supposedly bad behavior?

Thanks for taking the time to answer.

Fortunately unscathed

Dear Fortunately,

Someone obviously had an ax to grind with your husband and shamefully took it upon himself to do him harm in the crudest and cruelest way.

This incident further goes to show, as you illustrate, that a married man who must have dealings with a woman should take all precautions not to have it come across as an unethical association, and under such circumstance to be sure to keep his wife abreast of the developments as they unfold. Your husband astutely saved himself the headache of having a lot of explaining to do, and you were spared needless heartache.

As for your question, I am not for informing anyone’s wife that her husband is two-timing her (or vice-versa). For one, it may well be untrue, and a third party has certainly no right to make such an assumption. Moreover, whether the stated information is unfounded or real, such a call can wreak havoc on a heretofore good relationship.

A woman who lives with an unfaithful husband can usually smell the coffee and figure things out on her own without the annoying interference of busybodies who should be minding their own affairs.

Thank you for sharing. May you continue to have an open and honest relationship with the man at your side.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Eleven people were injured by a motorist who plowed into a crowd in southern France. The driver yelled "Allahu Akbar" as he attacked. Dec. 21, 2014
French Driver Shouting “Allahu Akbar” Plows into Crowd
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-192/2012/12/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: