web analytics
September 20, 2014 / 25 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 7/23/10

By:

Chronicles-logo

Infertility: Where do we draw the line? (Part II)

The following commentaries are in response to a letter by “Is tznius not the hallmark of our lifestyle?” (featured in Chronicles of 6-18-10). The first part of the letter below appeared in last week’s issue.

Dear Tznius, (cont’d)

In your letter you ask, “What do attempts at producing a life in a lab say for our belief system? How does taking all sorts of extreme measures, while being monitored and supervised by men and women in white coats no less, translate to acceptance of our G-d-given lot?”

As for our “G-d given lot,” we do our best with what we have and who we are – frail and imperfect human beings – to accept His will and to do so with a complete trust and happiness, knowing that G-d is taking care of our every need as only He can.

Having said that, why should anyone who needs medical treatment, whether for depression, an ingrown toenail or infertility, not seek the ultimate in medical help in order to live the best life possible and serve G-d with a glad heart? With each attempt and every new day comes the proof of our acceptance, along with the absolute belief, that G-d can perform miracles, and does, and that it is He who grants success in the operating rooms and in the laboratories and pharmacies of our world, not the men and women “in white coats.”

Should it be said that cancer-stricken patients who receive revised treatments based on new findings in continuous research have missed the boat since their protocol had not been perfected when they first became ill? Does that mean that new patients should disregard the newer and possibly life-saving treatment?

The organization you most likely refer to is a powerhouse of brotherhood – a model of effectiveness in helping people, of trust, compassion and sheer determination. My entire family is extremely grateful for the love, the caring and warmth they’ve shown us, along with a steadiness of focus and aid in reaching our goal.

I am sorry for the pain you feel which drove you to write your letter based on your personal experiences. I can certainly imagine, and I certainly recall quite vividly the trauma, the discomfort, the fear and hopelessness I felt throughout the many years I struggled with infertility.

Still, I know first-hand how many hundreds of thousands of dollars fertility treatment costs, and I fully understand that the organizations that assist and sponsor such costly treatments must do what they can to maximize their fundraising success. (Legitimate personal concerns of advertising strategy should be addressed with the people behind the posters; debasing the entire community of volunteers and counselors, patients, family members and fundraisers alike is pointless.)

As for how parents explain such ads to their children: Firstly, it is often the children who notice first (as they are more perceptive than the credit given them) that a particular couple has no children. Explaining sadness and difficult situations to children is part of every parent’s responsibility. Childlessness is but one example.

As for the poster, getting back to my original suggestion of possible eye-catching campaigns, I believe a smiling, healthy-looking infant is by far the classiest way to go.

Grateful beyond words

Dear Rachel,

As I read the letter written by Tznius (Chronicles 6-18), I could feel her pain – a pain that I think has skewed her view on the subject of infertility treatments and organizations that assist couples in attaining parenthood.

While intimacy is the natural lead-in to procreation, intimacy and procreation are not interdependent. Lack of intimacy (due to medical intervention in a sterile environment) does not preclude procreation; it enables it. Hashem in His kindness has given the chochma (wisdom) to mankind to devise medical methods to help Yidden be mekayem the mitzvah of pru u’rvu, even when there are infertility issues involved. There is no contravention of tznius here.

Dear Tznius:

You ask, “What do attempts at producing a life in a lab say for our belief system?”

It says that our gratitude to Hashem for the miracles He does for us by providing the refuah before the makah (the remedy before the onset of the malady) is endless. It says that we accept his munificence with much gratitude. Even with scientific technology, only Hashem can create life.

To your question, “If one were meant to have children, wouldn’t G-d grant them in the natural way?” – not necessarily. Hashem has His reasons, known only to Him, and we cannot and dare not second-guess Him. Following your reasoning a cripple would have no right to interfere with G-d’s plan by using braces or crutches to walk and a parent would have no right to repair a hole in a baby’s heart through surgery, etc.

Everything is in Hashem’s hands, but that does not absolve us from making our best hishtadlus (efforts), while recognizing that, ultimately, it is in Hashem’s hands to either allow our efforts to succeed or not. It would be wrong to sit back and just “accept our G-d-given lot.”

The wonderful organizations that assist infertile couples need funding, and there is a pressing need to get their message out there for everyone to see. Nothing therein is inappropriate or mortifying for children to see. The littlest don’t read ads and older children are already aware that mothers go to the hospital to have babies and that sometimes a mother might need a doctor’s help to have a baby.

As far as the picture of a smiling baby in an ad, if a childless woman has trouble with that and actually finds a picture painful, she had better not leave her house, because she will encounter many real babies being wheeled in carriages and in the arms of their mothers. Imagine how much pain a real, live baby would cause! I think that a sense of proportion is called for here.

I feel your pain

* * * * *

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 7/23/10”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Protest rally against Metropolitan Opera staging Death of Klinghoffer on 9/22 at 4:30 pm at the Met.
For Grass Roots Klinghoffer Protest 9/22, Jewish Establishment MIA
Latest Sections Stories

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Baim-092614-Plate

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-265/2010/07/21/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: